Fig, I am doing this for me. I did for a minute think how rude, but I moved on. Haven't detached fully, but I'm working on it.
I'm not pretending to be someone else. I got such joy out of writing that note, giggling to myself. (I really am a teenage girl on the inside! LOL) That's the person I really am. She just got lost for a little while. But she'll be back! (In my Arnold voice)
Ro, I know exactly what you mean. Once a long time ago, I would have no problem giving my H a kiss and a hug, or looking him right in the eyes with a smile. It took 15-20 years of downhill slide to crush that out of my nature and it's hard for me to just forget that and get back to who I want to be.
Of course, about 200 rebuffs of "ewww not on the mouth" could have that effect on anyone with sensitive feelings.
But back to you, the note is so sweet, and I love that you weren't doing it in a manipulative way but just a purely natural way. You're you, but better - you're sweet and demonstrative but also gaining confidence in who you are and releasing some of your old baggage and bad habits. Cool!
Adinva 50 H51 T28 M24 S19 S17 6/15/11 IDLY, then 18m inhome S 12/16/12 H moved out 9/15/15 Began negotiating SA 8/8/16 I filed 3/7/17 D is final __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Spent today resting and working on my short-term & long-term goals. Some are R goals, and others are MY goals. I will post them here tomorrow.
Spent some time with H this evening, watching TV. He also showed me some of the artwork he's been working on for his album cover. First time in a long time for that. I'm getting the feeling he's testing me or something. I'm trying to work on listening better (one of my goals), so I gave him my undivided attention during the conversation, and even asked a few questions.
Nothing major, but I am continuing to work on me. A better me is what I'm looking forward too.
So, I have the list of goals. I’m not sure if they make sense or not, so I’m just going to list them all for feedback. There are A LOT of them, so I will need to break them down into short & long-term lists as well. Again, some of the goals are for me, and some for my M.
1. NO R TALK. 2. I will not bring up OW. (Take me now, Jesus!) 3. I will compliment H so that he feels admired by me. 4. I will work on not being sarcastic when talking to H. 5. I will call my stepson at least once a week. 6. I will work out at least 3 times a week. 7. I will read at least one chapter of a M per night. (been really slack here) 8. I will do something just for me at least once a week. 9. I will make sure H feels love from me by my words and actions (speaking softly, eye contact when he’s talking, etc.) 10. I will ask H to have dinner with me once a week (in or out of the house). 11. I will do more active listening (eye contact, stop what I’m doing while he is talking, really listen and not think about my response). 12. I will kiss/hug H when leaving or entering the house (this is one of his issues; no problem doing it when leaving…entering the house is a different story)
There you have it. I am in the process of reading Michele's posts on goals in the archives, so I’m sure there are more that I will list as they come to me.
My H just did something really strange, but good I guess.
I have had an issue before with him excluding me from his writing, music, etc. We would be sitting at home and he'd be on the phone with his best friend telling him plots of stories he'd written or ideas for short films. I would be sitting there like Wow, totally didn't know you were gonna do that. We've had many a falling out about it.
So we're sitting here tonight and he's playing with ipad and his friend calls. They start talking about these new apps my H found. All of a sudden, he tells his friend to hold on, and says before I tell him about this, let me show you. I said "Huh"? He says let me show you this app before I tell him about it. We both laugh because this normally doesn't happen. I go over, he shows me the app then continues his conversation.
Completely out of the blue...I just rolled with it, but for real, I'm in shock!