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So, I am going to see a lawyer tomorrow about possibly serving my H with divorce papers. I did not want it to end this way, but I don't think I can deal with all of the deceit and he shows no signs of wanting to make things better.

It is all happening too quickly for me. I just want the H I had four short months ago...or better yet, the H that I had 6 months ago who was talking about kids.

It's hard to throw away 8 years in four short months and then proceed to D when I don't think we both have tried to work on things, but if he's not willing at this point, I see no hope frown


M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs
Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!)
EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12
H introduces OW to his fam: June
H moves ALL stuff out: July

I'm living my truth without your lies..
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Hi H&P,

Is this what you want to do? Maybe it is best to see an L tomorrow just to know where you stand.

DB says patience, patience, patience, and even if H isn't willing to do anything at this point, doesn't mean things won't change a bit later on. I suppose you could always give yourself a deadline.

So, besides seeking legal advice, what else are you doing for yourself?

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Yankee,

A part of me says yes this is what I want to do because I don't know if I can trust again after a PA and all the deception.

I know I should have patience...but in the 8 weeks of separation things have only become worse and more involved with this OW and she is married too. He says they are supposedly done dating for now, but he never knows what the future holds with them.

Well, besides the legal stuff and splitting our savings and separating everything, I have been hanging out with friends more and family. I have also tried Zumba, but right now even when I'm out with friends and family, I'm still not happy or myself. I just want the pain to go away!


M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs
Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!)
EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12
H introduces OW to his fam: June
H moves ALL stuff out: July

I'm living my truth without your lies..
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 335
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H&P, I definitely understand your pain. You will need to heal the trust issues, which will take time.

the most important is that you do whatever feels most in line with who you are as a person. Use this time to find your values, what you stand for, what you want. Do it on your H's time (if you know what I mean), and so by the time any R comes along, you are ready for the new direction.

It will take time to dissolve the anger and mistrust for sure, just be sure you are moving at your own pace, and not because you want to get out of your pain only. The pain will continue even after the D, and even into a new R (where there may be other trust issues popping up). Your main priority is yourself and your wellbeing, and not to pile up bitterness and anger.

Heal as much as you possibly can in your current R (which clearly will not involve your H), and then you can make some good solid decisions for yourself.

Do as you need to do for youserlf smile

Light and love

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Hello Hoping and Praying,
I don't have much to add, as I am in a similar situation, but I will say this. NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU DO OR SIGN anything!!! My H came like a thief in the night and took all his things while I was gone. I am "faking it until I make it." Each day does get a little better. The pain is there, but it is becoming less intense each day.

Praying for strength for you.

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Thanks Yankee!

Yes, as a person with my values, I know that none of his behavior is okay or acceptable, but as a girl, who is a hopeless romantic in so many ways, I can't get over that we weren't meant to be after what we have been through and our "love story."

I know trust issues are going to lurk in any relationship I have because I had them prior to my H because I had a walk away father, who cheated on my mom many times. However, with my H, I trusted him almost instantly and I never trusted a guy before him. He made me feel safe and loved and I had not a worry in the world about us! And for 8 years had no reason to worry...until the past year! Then, my trust issues began with him.

I know pain will still be here after the D and it will all be a long process. I just wish there was a magic pill..haha!


M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs
Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!)
EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12
H introduces OW to his fam: June
H moves ALL stuff out: July

I'm living my truth without your lies..
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 283
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April,

Good Point! Yes, I am going to get the papers ready and just get information, so I know what my rights are. We have already divided our money and he's quitdeeding the house to me tomorrow, so pretty much I'm going to see how to serve him with papers, when I'm ready to!

It all still stinks no matter what. I don't understand the deception in people and the lack of strength and perseverance of WAS.


M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs
Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!)
EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12
H introduces OW to his fam: June
H moves ALL stuff out: July

I'm living my truth without your lies..
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Posts: 2,906
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Hi hoping. Not sure what the rush to getting a divorce is? The way I see it is about ego, who is right? Being right can kill your life and dreams. It is ok to be wrong. Not saying that what your H did is right. Not clear what he has done from your posts. Can you wait put the D on hold for a bit?

Do you want to save your M? Or are you fantasizing of the grass being greener elsewhere?


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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I know what you mean about missing the meant to be and the love story. I keep hoping that Perhaps this isn't the end of the book of the R but the beginning of the next chapter and that the new chapter brings a more positive and hopeful dynamic. You just never know.


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
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No, I'm not thinking the grass is greener. I think that's what he is thinking...

All I think about is our good times and how I want to make it last and work, but then I think about all of this pain he has put me through and has shown me that he doesn't care or want to be with me. He had an EA, which turned into a PA and then he got a new cell phone for the past three weeks to continue communicating with her and hiding it from me...then her husband emailed me to say the affair was still occurring and that he had another cell phone. (We have been separated for 2 months now...but his EA started before he left.)

I just don't see this going anywhere but down right now. I tried to be positive over the past two months, with little to no communication with my H and letting him have his space to figure out his unhappiness, but he went against his core values and beliefs and continues to hurt me in the process.

We are meeting tomorrow to do the quitdeed of the house...I'm upbeat every time I see him and try to look my best and don't talk about our R...it just didn't seem to work and I think he is too "checked out" already.


M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs
Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!)
EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12
H introduces OW to his fam: June
H moves ALL stuff out: July

I'm living my truth without your lies..
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