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Barely, hope it went well!

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i am back from my RV weekend. and what an emotionally draining weekend it was.

H and i are not at the point of R. and he is still saying that he needs to be on his own because he feels we've tried everything with counseling etc and couldn't make it work. we had a lot to talk about this weekend.

the thing is.. i'm ok. because i opened my heart to the experience. and i can see the firm resolve cracking a bit as H is given more information about the effects on the kids.. his responsibilities in the demise of our relationship.. my responsibilities as well.. and that ultimately.. it is all about choice. and he is facing the fact that it was his choice to leave.. never mine. i swallowed my pride and ego in order to fight for what i believed was best for my babies.. and some of H's statements of wanting to do the same has been questioned.

ie.. i felt it was contradicting to say he would do anything for the kids and yet wasn't willing to work on the marriage... when i said i deserved better.. he said.. i know. this was part of a conversation how i said i never wanted D to feel like i have. that she deserved better to which he agreed. and then i said.. i deserved better.. and he agreed.

so... where does that leave us? i don't know. but i feel that question doesn't need to be answered today. i am committed to doing the 6 week post sessions. H has said he will go as well (for the sole purpose of learning to communicate for the kids). i emailed some of the presenting couples to let them know where we stood and they encouraged me to keep going because healing takes place at different paces for everyone. and that there was much to learn in the next few weeks which would teach us how to communicate better which is usually the big hinderance in healing. the inability to communicate w/out blame and judgement. we shall see.

i opened up to my FIL as well on friday night. he wanted to give me a hug and i was okay with it. he tells me all the time that he loves me but i have never reciprocated because it's not that i don't love him.. i'm just.. shy. lol.

but i sent my FIL message today saying that i welcomed his hugs. and that although i don't say it.. i truly love him because he has become my father figure since my own passed away. he sent me a message back that he has always had a special place in his heart for me and whatever i needed.. he would be there. i know he has been praying and hoping H and i could work things out. he truly is still so torn over his own marriage ending w/ MIL. a little sad that H is so set is his own resolve that he can not see these things.

anyway.. i am sort of rambling now. tired. nice to be home. cleaning.. because i feel like new life has been breathed into me. i'm not sure which direction i'm headed.. but it feels good to not feel so stagnant.


Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11
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(((BF))) First, your H is an idiot! I hope he gets a clue before it's too late.

Okay, now that I've gotten that out...LOL!

I'm glad you were open to the experience, and got some positive things out of it. I'm also excited for the post sessions for you. I think there's lots more in store for you and your sitch. Praying for you daily, girlie!


Me:37
H:GONE

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Barely, it sounds like you are doing pretty well. I thought about you all weekend. Having hope for you. Hang it there. "a crack in the resolve". That sounds positive.

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I wish I could get my H to go to RV...not even considering asking him because that would be considered pursuing and I'm going dark right now! smile

I'm so happy for you that you are doing well. I will pray for you and your situation. Keep your head up and hang in there! smile


M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs
Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!)
EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12
H introduces OW to his fam: June
H moves ALL stuff out: July

I'm living my truth without your lies..
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i'm hurting so much tonight... i'm not even sure what to say..

the past 6 months have tested me to my very limits. and i don't know if i can do it anymore.

i realize in this DB world.. people will say that 6 months is nothing compared to the years that they stay standing.. but when you find yourself slipping.. and dying slowly inside.. do you stay?

for me, DB was about finding myself and i believe i have. i have learned that i am a loving, strong, compassionate woman who loves with her entire being... even in the midst of my pain, it kills me to watch H struggling and hurting my mind says.. he chose this.. this is the consequence.. and my heart says.. i don't want you to hurt anymore.

i don't even want to say anything else right now. it seems that there are so many of us struggling and i feel very invisible right now. it makes me feel so self involved to write about my situation because.. really.. is it any different from anyone else's?


Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11
Joined: Mar 2012
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Boy do I know what you mean. I grow very weary of the pain. At times I wonder if it all is worth it. W has become so cold and distant.

We both need to believe that it will be floating. Hang in there!

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Barely, i get it. I pretty much know in my heart my h. will never look back to me. The only thing getting me thru is that maybe??? someday??? in future??? he will get that he left something really good. and for now, that is all i can hope for. that time will help and if not i will be a better person. I'm not even thinking about someone else in my future. That thought just makes me gag! to do this all over, i know i will need to work on that in future, but for now. no. i know it is harder because of your little ones. what an idiot. he has a quality woman in you and babies. don't doubt yourself. you are not invisible. we all see who you are, he doesn't right now. You are not hurting him, he is hurting himself, in the long run. Remember, a marathon, not a sprint. keep focus on you and kiddos. he is the loser in all this. not you. time will tell. you WILL be ok. that's how i'm choosing to look at this fu'd sit. we will be ok. they are the ones losing out because we have chosen to look at ourselves. take care

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i didn't mean to dismiss how you feel about how h. is hurting. I never see it in mine. but that is a valid feeling for you. it's just that we are on your side. but you get to feel whatever you want to feel. i think it is part of the process. you love him, just like i still love mine. you still care, it is a hellish sort of thing. jeez, so many feelings, maybe try to stay in the moment. that sort of helps me. there is time. you have little ones, one day that will occur to him and have some influence on his thinking. i just don't know but think that will have some power in your favor. Feel better barely,
we care.

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Barely, i also think that the rv experience is hitting you now. what didn't happen. how he was about it. that's probably perfectly normal. give it all some time and go back to you. the lovely, beautiful mom we all know that is you. we are all behind you. feel better friend.

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