I'm feeling pretty good right now. I'm getting ready to go out with some friends and just enjoy life!
However, there is still that part of me that wants my H so bad, but I can't have him right now...but I really don't want the man he is now.
He randomly saw my mom on the street last night driving and she waved at him...he rolled his eyes, put his arm up, and had a mad look on his face. IT was COMPLETELY random that they were driving on the same street...but it was by his new apartment, so he was probably thinking that I sent her to look at the apt, but she did not even know where he was living....let alone the town he moved to! So RANDOM...
Off to listen to some music, and dance while I get ready
M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!) EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12 H introduces OW to his fam: June H moves ALL stuff out: July
Really....as if it's ALL about him or as if your mom has nothing better to do but scope him out and try to help you win him back....pphhhffff!
plllleeeasssee.... the way he is now? I don't think so...I'm a mother and if either of my d's were dating or married to a man doing this to them-
I would Not be trying to find out where he lives unless it was to slap him.
Think about that H&P, if you had a daughter going through this and you knew it was not the first time he'd behaved like this...
what would you tell her?? *********
SIDENOTE
40 years ago, my handsome uncle left my beautiful loving aunt for OW, while they were living in Europe. They had 2 small children.
Uncle left Aunt for OW named "C". Aunt was devestated, living in Europe, while uncle went off with OW and OW's children...moving away with OW/her kids.
Aunt returned to the US with $26, 2 kids and no job. She was SO hurt and betrayed and angry...for a long time.
Something in her snapped her out of it b/c she just decided life was too short to feel like crap all her life. She picked herself up, dusted herself off and got a teaching job, found a place to live and started to move forward. It was SLOW b/c she could not believe uncle would leave her. The affair was one thing but the idea that he'd leave her, shocked her.
She GAL...She raised their kids. She remarried too. 8 years passed and one day out of the blue, "C", (the OW that her ex h had left aunt for, and married)...--
called my aunt-- -- to see if Uncle was there with Aunt!
Meaning, uncle was still a cheater, Cheating on his "new" wife C...(but he was not cheating on C, with aunt)
at that moment, my aunt said a huge wave of relief swept over her. Suddenly the realization of what had happened truly sank in.
It hit her that Uncle had done her a favor by leaving her 8 years earlier
b/c that's 8 years in which my aunt did NOT have a stomach ache or sick feeling of worry about where her h was, or whether he was lying, again...
She'd always be fearful and insecure and she'd never be truly content in a marriage with uncle. Not possible. But til that moment when C called her to reveal he had kept on his cheating ways...aunt had believed they could have had a great m...thing is, Not true. (She didn't know it THEN but does now).
Uncle has a fundamental character flaw that makes marriage to him, SUKK for a woman. It's been 40 years and he's still the same, although now he has regrets.
Uncle knows his chidren were raised by their stepfather NOT him...and that he left a good woman and was still a cheater on his 2nd wife. That he barely knows his grandchildren, and his own kids see him as so very flawed and disappointing...
Uncle Told a bf that if he'd "known how much pain he'd cause" he'd have stayed w/aunt.
But see, staying vs leaving is not the issue. Why not learn to keep your vows? I mean I think he regrets the leaving, not the cheating...
so in most ways I'm glad he left aunt, b/c she remarried a nicer man and after his sudden death 25 years later, she eventually began dating again.
Now She's been in a healthy r now for years with a good, younger man...so there you go.
Karma does work when you let it!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25--You are AMAZING! Everything you say is just so right on and makes me think and open my eyes a little more each day! And quite honestly, over the past few months, H does think the world revolves around him!
Your last statement about Karma is exactly what my mom just told me today, because she really thinks that he has been in this pattern for so long that he won't change anytime soon, unless he really gets the help he needs and that Karma will get him.
If this were my daughter, I would not want her being hurt by this man over and over again. I would be doing the same thing that my mom is doing...she's supportive of whatever decision I make, but in all reality really wants me to let him go.
Thank you for sharing your story of your Aunt. I'm sorry she had to go through that heartache and I am glad she was able to find a wonderful H!!!
I guess I still just can't see letting go of the life we have created together so quickly. I am so better with the detaching...not thinking about what he is doing, not pursing (dark for 10 days!!!), not checking emails, going out with friends and family A LOT more, talking/meeting new people....I feel a lot better about myself than I did 3 weeks ago, let alone 9 weeks ago!
Life is looking up for ME, but I still have this hesitation that I will find that special someone if my R with my H does not work...
M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!) EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12 H introduces OW to his fam: June H moves ALL stuff out: July
My H thinks the world revolves around him too. That's why OW is so wonderful to him because she fawns all over him. She knows nothing about him really.
Hard to act as if right now. He's gone yet again. And this time he knows I know why. Now he thinks I will be okay with it. Oh this hurts. Trying to be strong for the kids.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Thanks W,H! I would not say I am an inspiration. I still think about my husband and wish he was home with me working on things...that sadly is still my dream even after all the hurt he has put me through.
I know that reality is most likely that I will not be with him, but I"ll try until it's over.
Until it's over and even after it's over though, I will continue trying to live my life as happy as I can be.
I have always said to "Live every day to the fullest and have no regrets, because you never know what tomorrow will bring."
I am saddened with myself that it took me 7 weeks to do this...
M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!) EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12 H introduces OW to his fam: June H moves ALL stuff out: July
w,h, i know how you feel. when he first dropped the bomb, i "angelicized" him (my word). he was so wonderful and i would be losing the best man in the world.
going through this now and being separated, i've come to realize that he's responsible, too, for us getting to this point. i'm thinking about some of his personality traits (controling, selfish, unforgiving) and wondering how i would be able to deal with it should we R.
i'm not the only one who needs to make changes. and if he doesn't, can i live with him? won't it be hard to maintain my own changes if he doesn't?
i would never have believed i could feel this way a few months ago but living with him has not always been easy.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
Remember that "fighting for your spouse" through pursuing is a Hollywood concept. You "fight" for your spouse by resisting your own urges and NOT pursuing them.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Thanks, Accuray for that reminder! I'm not too sure if this 'going dark' is going to help my M, but at least I'm getting more used to not contacting him.
H has moved to his own apt, not told me about it, and still has stuff here to move out, but has not contacted me in 11 days...I don't understand why?!?!
Even before I went completely dark, I only texted him about our dog and when he would let her out. It's been 9 weeks and no real initiation from him about ANYTHING!
SS--Yes, I understand that I have contributed to where we are today, also, but my H claims he's tried EVERYTHING to fix us this past year. I, however, disagree, but am slowly letting him go. He WILL one day realize that he has made a HUGE mistake and will regret his EA/PA and not fixing things with me, if that's how our 'love story' ends...
M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!) EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12 H introduces OW to his fam: June H moves ALL stuff out: July
