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#2234727 - 04/01/12 07:59 PM Re: The Space Between... [Re: purgatory]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8918
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Sorry, Purg ((()))

I guess my question is, why not let an attorney handle these issues? It is business only now as evidenced by his lack of empathy for your situation. Why subject yourself to his tantrums?

If you talk with him tonight, avoid any emotional topics. Stick to dollars and sense. I know difficult to do but you know where it will end up.

I think you should defintiely get your share of the pension. How does he know you won't need it in the future. He has a crystal ball now?
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M36 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2234729 - 04/01/12 08:16 PM Re: The Space Between... [Re: labug]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8918
Loc: Sonoran Desert
And whether you need it or not has no basis.

You've earned that pension.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M36 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2234732 - 04/01/12 09:10 PM Re: The Space Between... [Re: labug]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/11
Posts: 757
((((( ))))) that is a difficult conversation to have.

Will be thinking of you! I'll look for your post afterwards.
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

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#2234733 - 04/01/12 09:10 PM Re: The Space Between... [Re: labug]
RoRoinMD Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/12
Posts: 871
I'm with La Bug. Stick to the money issues tonight. You have already earned that pension and will continue to as long as he is in the military and will continue to be deployed to God knows where.

Get an attorney and let them fight it out.
_________________________
Me:34
H:38
SS:19 - lives in NC with his mom
M:3
Bomb #1: 1/3/12 - We're not compatible. I want out.
Bomb #2: 1/12/12 - Found out about EA/PA
H moves out 10/2/12

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#2234735 - 04/01/12 09:19 PM Re: The Space Between... [Re: labug]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8918
Loc: Sonoran Desert
dollars and cents, I have very little spelling/grammar sense today.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M36 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2234740 - 04/01/12 10:05 PM Re: The Space Between... [Re: labug]
hopeless in wa Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/12
Posts: 285
I totally get where you are with money crap. My h. and are are in the thick of it. How much and how retirement is determined and the length of spousal support are our hot issues right now. You totally deserve pension. What does the law say? I seen websites specifically dealing with military retirement pension and divorce. But your lawyer should be able to help. Hang oin there.

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#2234745 - 04/01/12 10:18 PM Re: The Space Between... [Re: hopeless in wa]
BklynMom Offline
Member

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 1824
He is looking to see you as unreasonable. Nothing you will say will be logical to him. I suggest when he engages in the conversation again you say "I will do whatever my L recommends" and try to leave it at that. It doesnt matter that you are right. He will never (at this point) agree with you. He will seek out people that only agree with him. Take yourself out of the debate.
_________________________
----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13


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#2234747 - 04/01/12 10:28 PM Re: The Space Between... [Re: BklynMom]
2chiquitos Offline
Member

Registered: 10/02/11
Posts: 1122
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
Good luck Purg. You got a lot of great advice. I was going to say just about the same as everyone else. Keep the talk simple. If he wants to go back and forth, have him talk to your L. That's why you have a L. Continue what you're doing. Maintaining your serenity. Don't engage in his defensive talk.

Thinking of you...
_________________________
M 38 H 35
T7 (-2yrs separation)
S5 D2
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciling

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#2234760 - 04/01/12 11:19 PM Re: The Space Between... [Re: 2chiquitos]
purgatory Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/11
Posts: 825
Loc: Virginia
Thanks ladies!! I'll let you all know how it goes later smile I'll try to remain non-emotional, but don't hold your breath!
_________________________
M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12

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#2234763 - 04/01/12 11:44 PM Re: The Space Between... [Re: purgatory]
NLW Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/11
Posts: 1288
Hi Purg,

So sorry you are going through this stuff - you're right, it is almost impossible to keep the emotion out of these discussions.

My experience is that it's best just to let H have his say (i.e. tell me what he expects me to do) on whatever financial issue he has a bee in his bonnet about.

But then I say that I need some time to think about it.

That is, don't be dragged into a discussion/argument on the spot.

Then you can get back to him via email or text - anything where you can create a record of the interaction.

This may help to curtail his more excessive/outrageous demands- or alternately, it provides evidence of what he was trying to get you to do if things need to go to court.

I feel bad about suggesting this sort of thing in relation to someone we thought we could trust, but we do need to protect ourselves financially.

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