Appears like I cycled back through some anger stage last night. It was there, and needed to come out. So hard to do this alone. I think I will try to stay out of my head today. Just be.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
You said: So hard to do this alone. Yep. Thank goodness for the kind folks on here. I hate feeling so all alone. And the people in my life who keep calling me and checking in on me are the ones who have been divorced. They know the pain.
And everyone of them is happier than they were before. And I know that I will come out of this stronger and better. And so will you.
My sister had been through a n asty divorce, and then remarried a wonderful man. He died recently of a sudden heart attack. My sister says the pain is different. Because in a D you keep thinking you can fix it.
Stay Strong!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Had a great time with one of my kids yesterday (actually, all of them), but after the movie I had a flashback to the "panic" phase of BD with heart palpitations, the works, for 10 minutes or so...odd, I seemed to have flipped through emotions and phases this weekend as fast as an MLC'er...say, this MLC thingy isn't contagious, is it?
I had major sadness at all pain and frustration of life the kids, W and I are going through...ugh.
At least later last night and today I seem back on pretty well detached and calm.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I know about the emotion flipping. I actually had to go on an anti-anxiety medicine. And give up caffine. And remind myself over and over that something or someone is triggering the panic.
Oddly, one of my panic triggers is when i'm around my granddaughters. I totally freak out thinking that OW will ever be in charge of taking care of them.
I shared this fear with my DIL and she initially said that she would only leave them with my H and then if OW was around she would be around. I then told her that of course he would go mow a lawn or something and leave OW in charge. My DIL realized it was likely and now says OW will not be allowed around the girls ever.
It may be somnething out of my control, but knowing my DIL shares my fear makes me feel better.
I am glad to hear you felt better last night.
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Thanks Wendy!...what is interesting is this calmness has led to hearing faint sounds of the rope dropping....After the spew and aura yesterday and today...IDK, attraction is out the window when the alien personality is dominant and its ripple down effect on the family...IDK...idk....
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Grandma's do rock. She has always been there. Lived close and helped raise me. Best cook in the world. Always thinking of others. After she said so good to see you the next thing out of her mouth is have you ate yet. Ha. She is dying in a hospital bed and worried if I'm hungry.
She is not out of the woods. She is 89 and a failing heart. Not much they are willing to do as she is so weak... well you know.
T^2, sorry to hear of your struggles. It goes with the territory. Stay strong. The kids need that. H_ll you need that.
I think the key to all problems is do YOUR best. Feel good about being the best you that you can be today.
Don't we all wish we could turn back time? Go back and live at least 5 minutes of what was. That would be great.
We can't go back though. Only forward. Live in the moment. Good times will come again. Remember to cherish them as they happen.
We can't go back though. Only forward. Live in the moment. Good times will come again. Remember to cherish them as they happen.
^^^^^ so true.
I think part of my swings in attitude were triggered by cleaning out the email box and running across some of her emails to me from a year ago...so many "I'm in love with U", "LUV U" 's...what a difference from late last summer with BD forward...*sigh*...I miss that, and her. My 2 top LL's are words of affirmation and touch...neither have been forthcoming...
The week has been pretty good, W initiated several conversations (not R talks, though, which is okay) which went pleasantly and a couple went on for quite a while.
She also called ME at work to vent about her issue stuff (like in the "old days") and I feel I did a great job with my "STFU kung-fu" and validation...She had a lot of not knowing what to do/should do about lots of things...some insight into what is going within her...
Even when she said she "didn't know what to do about the R"...This is a change from the end of 2011 and Jan 2012 when she was pretty darn sure of what she thought she wanted...I STFU...though inside I was full of suggestions...
So T^2 did some nice 180's and didn't try to fix, suggest, control, etc ANYTHING!!! (Yea for me!)
When she was done she felt bad about "dumping and running", I told her it was fine, that's what partners are for...her reaction seemed pleasant to that, unlike before...so I will be grateful for and enjoy the positive.
In other news, my GAL is taking off...booking up quite a March (maybe W has noticed?)...meeting new people, doing new things...these make me feel good. Why I never did this before, I don't know (well, actually I do, but that is the past, never to be returned to...).
I have continued being very involved with the kids, both with school, their emotions and all (both good and bad)...this makes me happy.
Here's to a great weekend!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
A song for the weekend....I wonder if Peter Gabriel was MLC when he wrote this (and I find it works for me as a LBS, strangely):
"Digging In The Dirt"
Something in me, dark and sticky All the time it's getting strong No way of dealing with this feeling Can't go on like this too long
[Chorus:] This time you've gone too far [x3] I told you [x4] This time you've gone too far [x3] I told you [x4]
Don't talk back Just drive the car Shut your mouth I know what you are Don't say nothing Keep your hands on the wheel Don't turn around This is for real Digging in the dirt Stay with me, I need support I'm digging in the dirt To find the places I got hurt Open up the places I got hurt
The more I look, the more I find As I close on in, I get so blind I feel it in my head, I feel it in my toes I feel it in my sex, that's the place it goes
[Chorus]
I'm digging in the dirt Stay with me I need support I'm digging in the dirt To find the places I got hurt To open up the places I got hurt
Digging in the dirt To find the places we got hurt [x7]
PETER GABRIEL
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I wanted to say something about snodderly and the term "Twinkle Twat". It cracked me up in so many ways when she called my H's OW that.
Because one of the cutsie things OW does is say: "It must be Twue, It was on the internet." And my H started saying "Twue" instead of "True". And I noticed and started saying any word that began with a "T" like that. I'm twerribly mean like that. I never said why I was doing it, and it was funny how ticked off it made my H.
But he quit saying it. But it was a funny coincidence!
Have a nice weekend!
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
