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#2237471 - 04/12/12 05:10 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 8 [Re: ThisDayForward]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
I get it 2point but as kd said ask. I seem tO be scared to ask my W anything

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#2237473 - 04/12/12 05:17 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 8 [Re: ThisDayForward]
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1700
Ask her how her day was? Ask her how she is coping with the loss of her dog? Maybe ask her if she'd like to go look at puppies...when the time is right, of course. Start small and work from there.
_________________________
Me49 W52 S16 S12
M21 T24
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

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#2237479 - 04/12/12 05:33 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 8 [Re: 2thepoint]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
Well we went as a family last night to get the dogs ashes. Brutal but added closure. Right now what works for me and W is not all this boundary stuff. I think I know my answer about moving back home but I'll ask in early may anyways. I've already started looking at bigger more perm places to live for kids

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#2237496 - 04/12/12 06:07 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 8 [Re: ThisDayForward]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
Funny thing is we hang out all time and get along fine. Oh well I'm not going to overthink things. I'll see where I stand in May , continue to be friends, continue to work on me and adjust after .

I did have extreme anxiety after Easter weekend but counselor thought cyz I was there all weekend and dog stuff then went back to apartment

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#2237497 - 04/12/12 06:26 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 8 [Re: ThisDayForward]
cat04 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/31/09
Posts: 2242
Net,

I am curious...

if you had to describe your relationship with your W at this very moment, how would you do it?

How do you think she would describe it?
_________________________

"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox

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#2237501 - 04/12/12 06:59 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 8 [Re: cat04]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
Friends only

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#2237507 - 04/12/12 07:32 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 8 [Re: ThisDayForward]
cat04 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/31/09
Posts: 2242
Ok they why are you thinking like you are her H?

Would you be considering asking a friend if you can move in with them when your lease is up?

Somehow, I doubt it.

Net,

Just because you interact with her regarding the children, that doesn't mean the state of your relationship has changed.

You will always have contact with her because of the kids unless you choose not to have a relationship with your kids.

For the REST OF YOUR LIFE YOU WILL INTERACT WITH HER ON THAT LEVEL.

However, you will not interact with her on a M level if you don't give her some time and space to figure out what exactly it is that she wants.

You were "detatched" for 6 weeks and then asked for MC. Her response was that she wanted a D and she stopped wearing her rings.

Do you simply not see that you are pushing her away?

IF the status of your M changes, SHE WILL LET YOU KNOW.

IF she wants you to move back in, SHE WILL ASK.

If you keep pushing her, you are only going to get answers that YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR.

STOP trying to be her H for now.

Be her FRIEND.

Friendships change and grow with time or they don't.

Pushing her for more, is NOT being her friend.

You need to go back through your threads, from the beginning and see that you are doing the same thing over and over and over.

And you are being told the same things over and over and over.

With the exception of someone suggesting what you want to hear, which is to ask to move back in.

What do you honestly think her response is going to be?

I can probably tell you.

She is not ready for that. And she may never be.

Are you really so desperate to maintain the status quo that you would settle for an unhappy M and an unhappy life?

If you are, then keep on the path you are on right now.

If you want better for yourself, for her, and for your children, then slow down, breath, and start doing the work.
_________________________

"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox

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#2237518 - 04/12/12 08:38 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 8 [Re: cat04]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
Cat thx for this reply. You are so right in many ways.

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#2237521 - 04/12/12 08:41 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 8 [Re: ThisDayForward]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
Cat she has been acting different toward me. She has been inviting me to more stuff. She has been emailing me (which is very odd). I am counseling twice a week and making progress. I definitely want to be in a happy healthy marriage. I think she does too. I don't want a status quo. I want a healthy, honest,open, honest relationship. Believe me I am doing the work. But you are right. I shouldn't push her at all or pressure her at all.

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#2237526 - 04/12/12 08:51 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 8 [Re: ThisDayForward]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
And if I told you what I did earlier today you would slap the crap out of me so I wont

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