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jks Offline OP
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Btw, they don't work directly with each other anymore but might again in the future. I am not worried though. I feel like this is my turning point where I can truly move on.


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 2,502
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Hi JKS,

Write down everything you're feeling about your sitch right now. You should expect to swing back to wanting him back very badly, and it may help to review later what you write down now. I'm sorry you had such a painful night, although sometimes it does feel great to say what you need to say and get it off your chest.

Accuray


Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 623
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jks Offline OP
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Yeah, I'm already sad. But what can you do. I think my DBing is over.


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 2,502
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Only you can decide that, as long as you want to save your marriage you can continue to DB regardless of what H does. When you decide you are done, then you are done regardless of what H does. It's all about you.

Even if you decide to stop wanting to reconcile, continue to post as you get your feet back under you. It helps to vent and to journal. No one is going to judge you poorly for deciding you're done.

Accuray


Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 623
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jks Offline OP
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I am very done. It is very apparent to me now. More than ever.

I will continue to post. You are right, the venting will be a lifesaver.


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 2,502
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Posts: 2,502
I'm really glad you have your family in the same house to support you. Making a decision can give you peace as you're no longer in limbo. Have you spoken to a lawyer yet to understand your options? I would make sure to do that before you say anything to H about what your plans are going forward. Often they will give you a free consultation. If you are seeing IC or MC ask for a referral if you don't have a lawyer already.

Accuray


Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 2,502
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(H is in for a surprise when he sees what the child support and spousal support is going to look like, he's in for 17 years of that with D1 -- yikes!)

Accuray


Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 623
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jks Offline OP
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Posts: 623
When my H's already talking with OW about how we're going to be co-parenting our children, I'm not so sure that is a great sign.

Picked up my S4 from school today after being with my H for a few days and he immediately told me that he went swimming with OW and my H. But not to tell anyone because he wasn't supposed to tell me. My H told him not to because I would be sad.

Isn't that a little ridiculous? Did he really think my S4 wasn't going to say anything?

I am miserable these days. I feel so trapped in everything I do. I'm trying to find my own place so I can have peace of mind of starting on my own.

Everyone tells me that the R between H and OW won't last but I'm just not so sure. I am devastated that this is the woman that will be influencing my daughters. What a great role model to have in a woman that has no problem with sleeping with a married man. Makes me sick.


Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.


Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 2,502
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 2,502
JKS,

Yes, that totally sux! That will certainly be a big adjustment for OW to co-parent 3 little kids if she's never had any herself. That may be a nice shot of reality as time passes. You know other people's little kids are great fun if you catch them in the right moments, but if you had to live with them 24x7, it's a real challenge. I have been thinking that when H and OW take the kids for a week, that's going to be a shock to her for sure.

Accuray


Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 951
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Posts: 951
So sorry w/ how your feeling lately JKS, the pain can be almost unbearable at times. You are not alone in this and we are here to support you.

The acts of our WAS's never cease to amaze me and can be so frustrating and destructful. I can't believe your h asked your 4-year old to essentially lie to you, that is just so wrong IMO.

What are your GAL activities? Try to just focus on those and your kids. Even if they are small steps they gain momentum and really helped me detach from the mess I felt my w was creating.

Best to you JKS


Me- 34 W-33
S15 S10 S6
Married- 11 Together- 18
Bomb- 6-2011
WAW moves out- 8-2011

"Nothing in the Universe can stop you from letting go and starting over at anytime"- Guy Finley
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