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Another nice weekend with the W and family. Another night I slept in the same bed with W (no ML). Took the kids to Chicago on Saturday to go shopping and out to eat. W is talking more about the future and our plans for Summer. Still telling myself not too look to much into it though. Although keeping a positive outlook and taking it one day at a time.

We hosted Easter at our house and had W's family over. W and I cleaned the house together and offered to help with the food (I am the cook). It is so much easier when we are working together. Thought it would be awkward, but W was very supportive and it was one of the nicest holiday's we have hosted. MIL went out of her way to support me and I guess she had a heart to heart with W. I really like spending time with her family.

W went to the doctor this morning since we was having her period every 6-7 days. She called me after the appointment and now has to get an ultrasound since there appears to be a problem on Tuesday. I listened to her and told her that I was hoping for the best (health wise) for her.

Do I offer support of still keep my distance? She is leaning on me should I still be distant?


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So came home from work and W was hysterical about doctor's appointment and ultrasound this afternoon.

I simply listended, took care of the kids and picked up the house. Put a movie on for the kids and W and I went to talk in our bedroom. Talked about a lot of stuff, having another baby if she can, life, work and upcoming vacation. Slept in our bed again together.

Did the morning routine with the kids this morning, packed for our trip, gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek and left for work. W will call after her doctor's appointment in the afternoon. I hope she does not have to have another surgery, it would be her third in two years.


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Another baby? Wow!


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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I know I said the same thing. Always wanted a third but I thought she was set against it.


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Hey SIW... just putting this back on your plate...

You wrote the following in NM's thread:

"W has flat out said that she is waiting at least six months of my 180's before she beleives that I am for real. Question is will I be patient enough to keep doing what I am doing without W making a step in the same direction?"

So....

Why would you need to be patient and keep doing what you are doing...?

Is it because if it means your W will come back, you will keep doing it...?

Or is it nothing to do with your W and it's like many things in life regarding personal growth... that when it starts to get tough... we stop doing it because we really aren't committed to being better...

Just food for thought...

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I guess the point of the post was that if my 180's were solely to please W it would be discouraging.

However, the growth of SIW is not to please W so regardless of what W thinks SIW will be the better person for the 180's I continue to do.


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smile

I hope you keep remembering that to the point where that is not even something you need to remember... rather... it is something that your ARE...

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Originally Posted By: Sad in WI
I guess the point of the post was that if my 180's were solely to please W it would be discouraging.

However, the growth of SIW is not to please W so regardless of what W thinks SIW will be the better person for the 180's I continue to do.


I heard a variation of the following quote in last sunday's Easter service:

"You only need a parachute if you plan to skydive more than once." In other words, if your 180's are only for your W then you don't need to make then permanent. However, if they are forever, then you better pack your chute!


Me51 W53 S17 S14
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It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
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Well in less that 7 hours the family is leaving for Florida. The only expectation I have is that my kids are going to have the time of their life.

W had her ultrasound this afternoon, but will not know anything until it is read by a technician.

W apologized for the state of our R being in limbo right now. I simply listened and stated that this has been a trying time for all of us. Did not take it any further. She was exhausted and I was tired tonight.

I thought that I would be in full snoop mode, but the only thing that does is get me worked up. It is also very disrespectful, my W is entitled to her space.

She had off of work today so the kids were very happy to see me when I got home. That made me very happy and proud of how things have gotten so much better between me and them. I could see that my W was smiling when both kids were cuddling with me.

I am now just hoping that I will be up and about by 3:30 this morning. Funny since most nights I would normally be up.


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Well Florida has been a blast and in short order I will be back in the real world. As I predicted kids had a blast and W enjoyed herself as well. We have been getting along great and the only people that have blowed up were the kids. W and I think we should go to Hawaii next year for Spring Break.

W and I have been joking around, calling ourselves Hun and Dear and some touching as well. She bet a friend that she would not ML in Disney, well she lost that bet. The kids have been great and I have been joined at the hips with them since we got here.

W apologized for in her words f***king things up. In my heart I don't think that is true that all is lost. Other than that there has been no talk of the R, D or our M now for over a week. My gut is telling me to leave that alone. The only talk we even had remotely related to our M was when W brought up finances and told me she was happy that we could now talk about them without blowing up.

Since she dropped the bomb two months ago we are now spending more time together than we have in years. I know it is bad, but I think I am falling more in love with her as we spend more time together.

This is making me anxious since I then get myself worked up wondering if and when the other shoe is going to drop. I know this is the wrong attitude to have, but it is what I am feeling at the moment.


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