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#2240576 - 04/25/12 03:45 AM Re: Turn the page [Re: sayitaintso]
ces67 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 1024
Another good day with the kids. Talked with my W again this evening. Caught her up on a couple things with school & the kids. No big deal except that it was conversation.

My personal accomplishment for the day is how the kids seem to be getting along just fine with W out of town. This is an especially big deal for my D10. The first few days, D10 was constantly texting my W and calling. Today she seems to be just fine. I overheard a phone conversation this evening. D10 had W on speakerphone. D10 was pre-occupied with a TV show moreso than talking (i'm use to this from business trips, not sure W is). W finally asked her to turn off the TV & talk, which D10 did.

When W asked about what we had for dinner, D10 said I had made some really good pork-chops and that I had done something "special" to them to make them really tasty! That made me feel pretty good.

Still brainstorming my response to W about her request for memoriese of our good times. I'll talk it over in my IC session tomorrow as well.
_________________________
Me:45, W:44
S:15, D:12
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
2 attempts at MC-stopped 09/13
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms

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#2240578 - 04/25/12 03:57 AM Re: Turn the page [Re: ces67]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8685
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Quote:
When W asked about what we had for dinner, D10 said I had made some really good pork-chops and that I had done something "special" to them to make them really tasty! That made me feel pretty good.


The special ingredient was love!
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2240579 - 04/25/12 04:00 AM Re: Turn the page [Re: labug]
ces67 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 1024
Now that made me smile, Bug! Thanks.
_________________________
Me:45, W:44
S:15, D:12
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
2 attempts at MC-stopped 09/13
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms

Top
#2240690 - 04/25/12 05:01 PM Re: Turn the page [Re: ces67]
zig Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 1855
Loc: KS
i agree with labug - there's a lot of love there you have , ces - it's beautiful and i'm glad to see you are keeping it safe

smile
_________________________
me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"


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#2240848 - 04/26/12 03:22 AM Re: Turn the page [Re: zig]
ces67 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 1024
Thanks Zig!

Had my IC session today. My C (orignal, not the new guy) said I was over thinking my response. She asked for a list of good stuff from our past so stick to that.

Make sense to me. Filling in a lot of stuff she didn't ask for turns it into what I want it to be instead of what she asked for. So I'll get my list of my memories of good stuff and leave it at that. I plan to send it to her by Friday so she'll have teh weekend to read it over before returning home Monday.
_________________________
Me:45, W:44
S:15, D:12
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
2 attempts at MC-stopped 09/13
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms

Top
#2240873 - 04/26/12 06:12 AM Re: Turn the page [Re: ces67]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/11
Posts: 755
ooohhhh.. good advice! don't over think. that is one of the things we focus on in RV. stick to what you are discussing and don't deviate to turn it into R talk etc. things H and i are currently working on.
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

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#2240899 - 04/26/12 01:11 PM Re: Turn the page [Re: barely floating]
sayitaintso Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/11
Posts: 951
I think most of us get caught up in overanalyzing everything regarding our sitch's. Its been a challenge for me to be aware and recognize when I'm doing this but it has gotten better w/ time.

Good Luck CES!!
_________________________
Me- 34 W-33
S15 S10 S6
Married- 11 Together- 18
Bomb- 6-2011
WAW moves out- 8-2011

"Nothing in the Universe can stop you from letting go and starting over at anytime"- Guy Finley

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#2240942 - 04/26/12 03:27 PM Re: Turn the page [Re: sayitaintso]
ces67 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 1024
Journal stuff,

Got an e-mail from one of my W's "former" good friends earlier this week. I say former because W and this lady were best of friends since we were first married almost 20 years ago. We are the god-parents of this couple's kids.

Their friendship took a big hit after the bomb because this "friend" told my W things she needed to hear vs. things she wanted to hear.

Anyway, this lady e-mailed me saying my W had sent her a txt earlier in the week asking to have lunch today. She was asking me if there were any big issues she should be aware of. My response was "not that I know of. If I had to guess, my W misses you and is trying to find a way to re-connect".

So I'm curious as to how the lunch will go. This lady cares for my W but has been hurt/insulted by my W's actions of recent. I'm making a conscious decision NOT to ask how the lunch went, but I really want to know.

W continues to call me more and chat in general stuff while she is gone. Will wrap up my e-mail tonight and send it to W by tomorrow listing my memories of good stuff. No expectations of what the list may or may not do. Just working to live my life while leaving a door open if she wants to join.
_________________________
Me:45, W:44
S:15, D:12
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
2 attempts at MC-stopped 09/13
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms

Top
#2240944 - 04/26/12 03:41 PM Re: Turn the page [Re: ces67]
zig Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 1855
Loc: KS
She asked for a list of good stuff from our past so stick to that.

i laughed when i read that - while i'm working on my challenges, i started to write down all the good stuff about h and also instead of dwelling on the problems during the marriage, i started to think more about the good times we had - it has helped me ALOT - because then i see h in a more positive light (which of course is hard to do in our sitches) and the real effect is that i have been able to have more positive interactions with him in the last few days

the effect is quite dramatic for me - when i am now doing this, i find that I am feeling a lot better myself, and i see many more little solutions than when i keep viewing him only through the lens of - how can he do this. so every time i find myself thinking really negatively about him, i stop and try to replace it with a positive thought about him
_________________________
me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"


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#2240949 - 04/26/12 04:06 PM Re: Turn the page [Re: ces67]
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1692
CES - It really sounds like there is quite a bit of rustling going on with your W. All good, I would suspect.

When you talk about listing good stuff memories, generally what are you talking about? Activities, feelings, important events in your history together, personal observations, all of the above?

Are you planning on a laundry list of items or detailing your memories in paragraph form? What about a timeline for the memories?

I'm asking these questions because while on the surface this seems like a fairly straightforward request, I'd be careful not to leave out small items in favor of the big stuff. Also, if you can come up with recent good memories, I think that would be helpful so your W doesn't feel like all the memories were before she began to feel like she needed to escape.

These are just my thoughts of course. I wish you all the best!
_________________________
Me48 W50 S15 S11
M20 T23
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

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