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Hey Zig - I really got moving on the items during my lunch break today. I see it having the same effect you mention. Its brought a lot of smiles to me (and maybe a tear or 2). Even while writing it I found myself inserting humorous comments (well at least to me they're funny, hopefully my W will think so too).

2TP - Funny you should mention the small things. In looking at my memories so far, they are almost all little things. I've not even touched on the major events such as wedding, honeymoon, or birth of children. So far its all been simple things were we worked well together or just spent time with one another.

I'm trying not to organize or plan it too much but just let the good memories flow & trust in God to use the words.


Me:45, W:45
S:16 D:13
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
Putting finances in order for "D"
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
ces67 #2240998 04/26/12 07:28 PM
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zig Offline
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it does work doesn't it, and sort of softens one towards the whole sitch. i think sometimes we keep ourselves so stiff and upright during this whole thing to protect ourselves

we are sort of mirroring the WAS when we do that, i think - before the house bomb - when h brought up for the first time in 8 months something positive about our life together - it really hit me then, that because i had been listening for so long at his vehement rants about how everything was terrible, i had let myself forget all the good stuff.

the smiles are as good as the tears - all cleansing and it's okay to have it all.

your post sounded like you are feeling good today - need to work on that for myself a bit more here

zig


me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"

zig #2241104 04/27/12 03:26 AM
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ces67 Offline OP
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Hey Zig, its definitely up and down. The good days will come again.

Its been an interesting week with W being gone. She's been in touch a lot more than normal, and friendly at that.

can't remember if I mentioned this before or not but my W saw an add on the local news for a national company who is looking for 30+ models. She decided to get some pictures and enter the contest. Very out of character for my W. But she's really excited about it. My neice went to photography school so she did a photo shoot with my W this afternoon and will be doing somee more on Saturday. I made a point to ask my W about it and she actually shared what all she did and the various outfits she took to try.

Again, almost a normal conversation. I'm just trying to look at her as a friendly acquaintance at this point so I can just share friendly conversation and not allow myself to get wrapped up in too much at this point. W said she'd send me some of the preliminary pics when my neice forwards them (of course I can also go directly to my neice who will send me any I ask for smile )


Me:45, W:45
S:16 D:13
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
Putting finances in order for "D"
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
ces67 #2241108 04/27/12 03:54 AM
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zig Offline
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Again, almost a normal conversation. I'm just trying to look at her as a friendly acquaintance at this point so I can just share friendly conversation and not allow myself to get wrapped up in too much at this point

do you find these 'normal ones really hard to take - it sounds like you don't - i'm definitely struggling with that and am working on just seeing them as "friendly neighbor" interactions. only problem is that most of them seem so loaded

isn't it weird to see the WAS' doing really out of character things? guess it gives us an inkling of how they might be dealing with our 180's!!

glad to hear that there's more contact - i realize that that's what h seems to do when he's away on his trips - even when he's with ow. so either they are missing us more, or they are just checking that we are definitely still there. who knows...

take care
zig


me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"

zig #2241152 04/27/12 11:48 AM
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ces67 Offline OP
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Well Zig, I've been in the post-bomb life for 21 months now and there are still times when casual conversation can be irritating. I'm just trying to relax more. I figure if she's trying to have a normal conversation, regardless of her purpose, its better off to enjoy it and let that comfort level increase on her side by my positive reactions.

Besides, I don't want to be a grumpy, bitter person so its good for me to focus on good stuff (like the response letter & your idea about remembering good stuff)


Me:45, W:45
S:16 D:13
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
Putting finances in order for "D"
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
ces67 #2241161 04/27/12 12:21 PM
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zig Offline
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ces - you are a saint - and yes, better to be positive and not grumpy and bitter. you've taken the challenge and worked well with it. i hope i'm half as successful as you at being positive.

have a happy day - it looks like we are going to have tornadoes here...exciting!!


me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"

zig #2241298 04/27/12 11:10 PM
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ces67 Offline OP
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Hope you're safe. Seen plenty of tornados growing up. Not much fun but its always a funny memory of my sister pulling mattresses off the beds and taking them to sit in the tub. Meanwhile my dad and brother are at the window discussing whether or not it's really a tornado....

I finished the response to my wife of "good stuff" and sent it to her before I left work. Now I just have to forget I even sent it and enjoy my weekend.


Me:45, W:45
S:16 D:13
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
Putting finances in order for "D"
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
ces67 #2241300 04/27/12 11:24 PM
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Good job, CES! Enjoy the weekend! Next week is sure to be a doosy!


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
ces67 #2241366 04/28/12 11:00 AM
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zig Offline
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well so much for the swirling devils - not so much as a good healthy storm with lots of lightening and craziness - it gusted all day and then finally rained for 10 mins!!

i didn't realize that you were going to send the list to your wife - thought it was just for you. wow! EXPECT good things to come from that - even if you don't see evidence of it right away!!

and yes - just go have a great weekend

zig


me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"

zig #2241424 04/28/12 04:04 PM
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ces67 Offline OP
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Glad the tornados were a "no show". Love the lightning storms though!

Yep, the list was actually for my W. She asked for it. In short, she had e-mailed me saying she was thinking a lot about us and our M. Said she was at a point that she couldn't remember the "good stuff" about our M, "Nothing". She then asked me to send a list of good stuff and maybe that would help here know where to start.

So that list is sent. I avoided major events like the wedding and the birth of our kids. It wasn't really planned, just a conscious stream of thoughts that ended up being small simple things were we lived & worked together. I threw some commentary in there about my thoughts & feelings on certain things but mainly just described moments & actions from our nearly 23 years together.

Honestly, the good that came from it was I had a wonderful walk down memory lane. I can have no expectations that it will change anything with my W. The WAS has an amazing talent for re-writing history to support their own choices so I'm not going to hold my breath on this one.

The sun is shining and I have the worst lawn in the neighborhood at the moment so its off to mow and get a little sunshine!


Me:45, W:45
S:16 D:13
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
Putting finances in order for "D"
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
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