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#2236625 - 04/09/12 07:19 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: 2chiquitos]
wishing, hoping Offline
Member

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 2756
Loc: Wisconsin
Sounds like my H. Go from snuggling to standoffish. My H has issues for sure. He is lost and running but i don't know what from. I doubt if he even knows. It is sad for sure. I pray for strength now. I pray for God to protect my babies. I pray for my H because when he comes out of this fog, and I do think he will eventually, he will be in a bad place emotionally and mentally.
_________________________
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
"No matter where you go, there you are"

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#2238045 - 04/15/12 04:06 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: 2chiquitos]
BklynMom Offline
Member

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 1725
I have definitely been on a roller coaster of emotions the past week. Most of the week I was doing great and enjoying my life with my girls. I think sometimes when I dont hear from him I create a fantasy in my mind that he is coming closer.

Friday I received an email from him asking that we have a meeting with our lawyers all together. He thinks the letter writings between the lawyers leaves room to "misinterrupt good intentions". His lawyer also contacted my father/lawyer on friday, essentially my H doesnt like the formal schedule my father has proposed. My H wants a more lucy-goosey schedule, since we will remain "friends" we can work out parenting time month by month based on whatever freelance jobs we have.

I dont want to 'co-parent" with him. If he wants a D, I want to be separate. I am flexiable and will make considerations to the schedule as needed but I want a schedule. I want to talk to him as little as possible. My heart is still broken.

I am also tried of him blaming me and saying passive aggressive things like "this isnt want I wanted to happen. But I really tried".

You know what H, you didnt tell me you were upset, we snuggled every night, we were bidding on a new house, you never suggested MC. You didnt try. This is not my fault.

I wrote him back "I think having a meeting is a good idea. Let me talk to my father about it and get back to you"

I wrote today "Unfortunately my father does not think having a meeting is a good idea. He says I am too in love with you to not bring in too many emotions. Sorry"

I know its anti DB to tell your WAS that you love them but I havent said that for many months, probably the last time I told him I loved him was August. I think he believes I just want him back for the kids and I dont actually love him as a man. Figured what the heck I would throw it in. I dont think it can push him further away then he already is.

I am really considering moving. Its not something I have to do tomorrow but I notice that I am much more happy in new enviornments around people that dont know my H and I together. Also I have wanted to get out of the city for sometime but my H wanted to remain. I could find a more affordable place closer to my parents.

The "magic" alanon had had on me this fall & winter is wearing off. I leave meetings pissed off and angry that this people are so clueless.

I spend a lot of time asking myself why my H is still doing this when I have changed so much. Why is he being so cruel??

I know my thought process is unproductive but I look at my angels and I wonder how he could not want to spend every minute he can with them.

Its definitely a roller coaster.

Although I havent posted much lately. i do check in on everyone threads and am so happy to have the support of my friends on this site.
_________________________
----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13


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#2238059 - 04/15/12 05:38 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: BklynMom]
paige40 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/13/11
Posts: 431
I am sorry you are still struggling I have spent lots of time wondering the same things why why why. I don't know if we will ever know why and maybe your H doesn't exactly know why either. I think having small children makes it so much harder you can't just move on as easily. I do think you need to have a more structured visting schedule with the kids so that they know when they will see dad again and also so you know when you will get a break.

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#2238101 - 04/15/12 08:05 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: paige40]
BklynMom Offline
Member

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 1725
this is my H response to my last email:


""I feel like the back and forth between our attorneys isn't working. The proposal that was last sent is completely unrealistic if I'm to have any part of our daughters' lives. I want it to be fair for both of us, but more importantly- the kids. I think the only way to come up with a fair agreement is for you to be involved. Without getting YOUR input, I feel like this could go on for a long time and create ill will where there is none now.""

look at what a nice guy he is, he doesnt want any ill will between us.

Also the proposal that was sent was essentially 50/50 but it was a schedule and not just whatever we decide based on what job my H is on.

I hate him!!!
_________________________
----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13


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#2238103 - 04/15/12 09:03 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: BklynMom]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 8416
Loc: Sonoran Desert
(((B)))
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2238107 - 04/15/12 09:31 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: BklynMom]
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1692
Quote:
"...I feel like this could go on for a long time and create ill will where there is none now."


That is such BS!! The only reason he perceives that there is no ill will is because you are fighting to save your M; not because you are some sort of benevolent LBS who only wants to protect his feelings.

He wants to communicate one on one with you or with the lawyers present so he can try to manipulate things to get his way. Don't fall for it, Bklyn. Stand your ground. ou'll be glad you did.

Never forget that he is choosing to walk out on you and your 2 very small children instead of trying to work on the marriage.

Take this for what it is worth, this is only my opinion.....

I am about as infuriated reading your post as you probably are writing it!
_________________________
Me48 W50 S15 S11
M20 T23
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

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#2238113 - 04/15/12 09:46 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: 2thepoint]
wishing, hoping Offline
Member

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 2756
Loc: Wisconsin
(((B)))

We are all here for you.
_________________________
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
"No matter where you go, there you are"

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#2238127 - 04/15/12 11:14 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: wishing, hoping]
Snowman Offline
Member

Registered: 09/12/11
Posts: 148
Hey BklynMom-I was reading through various posts and read some of yours and I can sympathize.

My W walked out on my S and I to a whole another lifestyle. Her L is some rookie cheapo guy that had my L wondering if he even was a D lawyer. It's crazy how people think they can just walk away with no ill will like we are suppose to just be ok with it and be friends. My W wants to secretly somehow get a D that people won't know about but somehow still misses my family who at this point have no positive feelings for her.

Anyway not trying to recount my whole stitch here but hang in there.
_________________________
Me:29
W:28
S:2
M: 5 years
Bomb: 7-26-11
Separated: 8-20-11
EA w/ multiple OMs
W filed 1/2012

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#2238156 - 04/16/12 07:05 AM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: Snowman]
BklynMom Offline
Member

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 1725
thanks for all the hugs

2tp, I am so glad you were as mad as I was. He is trying to manipulate me and passively aggressively threaten me saying "look if you agree with me I wont have any ill will towards you but if you disagree ... watch out, I may have some ill will"

here is my response

""I am sorry I wish it wasnt like this. It is truly wonderful that you have no ill will. To be honest with you, right now I do not trust you. Maybe that will change in the future. Right now I trust my father.

I'm sorry.""

I can only pray
_________________________
----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13


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#2238199 - 04/16/12 10:18 AM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: BklynMom]
sayitaintso Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/11
Posts: 951
(((BK))) Sorry Babe, the L talk and logistical talk regarding kids [censored] especially when our WAS show no emotion and think everything should work how they think.

I'm really pissed at your h as well but their is nothing you can do. You stated your responses and set your boundary well and he is just going to have to deal w/ it.

And lol at him saying he wants it fair for the kids. Is he f'ing serious? How fair is it that he rolled out and barely interacted w/ them for months?

So sorry BK!!!
_________________________
Me- 34 W-33
S15 S10 S6
Married- 11 Together- 18
Bomb- 6-2011
WAW moves out- 8-2011

"Nothing in the Universe can stop you from letting go and starting over at anytime"- Guy Finley

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