A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out. Go to the new Divorce Busting® Store where you can sign up for Divorce Busting® Coaching and purchase Michele's Audios, Videos and eBooks that you can immediately download. Start taking the steps that will help you get your marriage back on track right away.
Page 29 of 32 < 1 2 ... 27 28 29 30 31 32 >
Topic Options
#2235944 - 04/06/12 03:46 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: ces67]
Rick1963 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/11/11
Posts: 2536
Loc: Piney Land
Rick go out and do something fun. Take care of yourself. You and the kids will be fine
_________________________
M 51
W 50
D 17
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 11/12
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden






Top
#2235977 - 04/06/12 07:05 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: rickb89]
Grmpy_Mnky Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/11
Posts: 524
Loc: MS
Rick, you called it my friend and here it is. I know that does not make it any easier to watch her self-destruct. The more I get to know you the more impressed I am by the way you have traveled this road. Great things are just around the corner for you and the kiddos!

Vegas...
_________________________
Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.

Top
#2236148 - 04/07/12 01:49 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: rickb89]
Mach1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 3722
Originally Posted By: rickb89
This morning I think W maybe hit her wall. I've been talking to my former roommates wife, and some people at UMass about what I can do. It doesn't look promising. Basically, the professionals are telling me she has to hit her wall on her own, and I should move on and let her go so someone can survive it and take care of the kids. That this might take years, and may never be the same again. You think DB'ing is counterintuitive, try letting your wife possibly lose it all, and then walking away. She crashed this morning...doesn't want to exist, doesn't want the responsibility of any of us, my beliefs are BS, etc. I can't decribe how bad it is. I hope she makes it. I decided I would take care of the practical stuff like the car and set her up so she can at least know where she stands financially and then off she goes. I dont know what else to do except keep following my gut feelings which are telling me its going to be allright for the kids and me. She is saying "f" her psyche doc too. Once she's out (soon) we can rebuild. Mario and Christina are moving back in so there will be me, and the five kids in all; a new family of sorts.


Hey Bro...

It's scary letting them walk in their own light. It's hard to do the "worse" , in "Better or worse"..

Is that her bottom ? Maybe so, maybe not. Although it is her processing things on her time. It is her looking inside of herself for answers, or partially looking for answers.

In the grand scheme of the Universe, you aren't allowed to know what her bottom is. You may never know what it is, or what it was. That's why it is HER bottom. What you think it is, or should be, is -in reality- not what it ends up being.

I have talked to several people, and read from quite a few more about that "bottom" time in their life. Some people call it the "Threshing Floor", where one stands totally exposed, asking questions and looking for the answers. It is also the place where we question our Faith, and our existence. We question everything about what we know, we give, receive. The LBS gets to that point much earlier than the Life Crisis people do.

They seem to vary, depending on the person. From as hard as having an accident victim die in their arms, to hearing a song on the radio. From staring at a pistol in their hands, to walking through the family room and realizing that they were they only thing missing from their "storybook" life. I read in the archives a few years back, of a woman who poured a cup of coffee one morning, went outside to sit with her OM, and had the casual thought of " Oh, I could be doing this with my Husband". Then got up and went home to work on things....

As hard as this is Rick, I can't think of a more loving thing to give to her. And I pray that one day, she can be healthy enough to give back to you and your family.

There isn't a lot of information written about the place you have reached here. Mostly because the LBS men don't usually last this long. I think it is pretty typical for the men to draw that line in the sand much sooner than our much smarter, superior sex, counterparts do. Mostly because us men have input from two sources. One which isn't that smart.... : o


How you stand now, is a reflection of what you have overcome in your life, what you have overcome through this, and what you are capable of overcoming in the future. What you show those wonderful little (and not so little anymore) people that look toward you for guidance in life. How you act, and who you are, is what they will emulate in their life.

The seeds that you sow today, will provide a harvest for you....


You know where to find me if you need an ear my friend.....

Top
#2236150 - 04/07/12 01:57 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: Mach1]
Cadet Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/09
Posts: 5217
Originally Posted By: Mach1
Mostly because us men have input from two sources. One which isn't that smart.... : o

Speak for Yourself, BUT of course you are right!
smile smile smile
_________________________
Me-60, D28,S26

Top
#2236177 - 04/07/12 04:29 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: Cadet]
BklynMom Offline
Member

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 1796
Sometimes its hard to believe that its a disease. Its a cancer of their psyche. Like cancer some people have 1 round of chemo and are cured, others battle for years and never make it to the other side.

Your W has a disease, it is now in Gods hands.

Count your blessings and be grateful for your healthy children.
_________________________
----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13


Top
#2236187 - 04/07/12 04:59 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: BklynMom]
2chiquitos Offline
Member

Registered: 10/02/11
Posts: 1122
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
you're doing yoga, that's really good. Trying to stay in the present during yoga is challenging. Try meditating, if you haven't already. It also relaxes me.

Take Care Rick
_________________________
M 38 H 35
T7 (-2yrs separation)
S5 D2
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciling

Top
#2236243 - 04/07/12 10:12 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: ces67]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
[quote=ces67]Peace be with you, my friend....

Hate all this for you. I believe the future holds good things for you as foggy and as unclear as it may appear currently.

=@@= [/quo
Thanks CES...you're a great guy and I truly value your insights

Top
#2236244 - 04/07/12 10:14 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: Truegritter]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Originally Posted By: Truegritter
you're there man.

Just be there for her.

I know it may sound strange but she will remember you for this.

And even if that is all there is isn't an expression of you?

And the upside?

If

If

She figures this sh!t out, you'll be the guy sticking to your values and your guns in face of this crazy thing.

So that is your peace. For you and your children.


Thanks TG..I feel good about staying true to my core beliefs throughout this, and even finding a way to grow. I hope she can find her answers and happiness. I know I have.

Top
#2236245 - 04/07/12 10:18 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: Rick1963]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Originally Posted By: Rick1963
Rick go out and do something fun. Take care of yourself. You and the kids will be fine


RickG - I am doing so much that is fulfilling and my days are full.

There's this couple I have heard about that have these truly horrible dinners together. I'm getting a kick out of listening to those stories!

Top
#2236246 - 04/07/12 10:23 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Originally Posted By: Grmpy_Mnky
Rick, you called it my friend and here it is. I know that does not make it any easier to watch her self-destruct. The more I get to know you the more impressed I am by the way you have traveled this road. Great things are just around the corner for you and the kiddos!

Vegas...


Vegas!

I'm with you GMonk. I used to be in the worst pain every day, every breathe was agony. Now, I know without a doubt that some great things are moving into my life. I'm waking up every day feeling pretty good.

That's going to happen to you too...great things....love attracts love...goodness attracts goodness...its a universal principle. You can't even get out of the way of the good things that will come your way. That much I know.

Top
Page 29 of 32 < 1 2 ... 27 28 29 30 31 32 >


Moderator:  dbmod, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004