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Thank you, Val. I needed to read this post again today. I haven't felt very strong, attractive or confident the last few days. I have allowed finding out about the OW and that W is moving forward quickly w/ D filing to really knock me off course. I have felt panicked and depressed the last few days.

But I am working hard at getting back on course. I am forcing myself to GAL. I am exercising more and am being more consistent with meditation and reading.

I tried an Episcopalian gay friendly church on Sunday and thought it was nice but formal.

I sent my W the note as suggested (#3) After talking w/ my C, I answered some leftover questions on the financial settlement issues, but used #3 to respond to requests for info she already had, if she would look/research.

I am fighting a temptation to call her today. When does this get easier? Is it normal that I should feel so badly this far along in the process?


Me(f): 51 W: 41
DP:8 M:3 T:10
"W not happy" 7/11
D final: 8/13
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Originally Posted By: needgrace
I am fighting a temptation to call her today.
When does this get easier?
Is it normal that I should feel so badly this far along in the process?

Don't call, post or read here instead.
It gets easier as TIME goes along but this is VERY hard stuff.
Yes it is NORMAL what you are feeling and you are not very far along in the process at all.
Be gentle with yourself and lower your expectations for FIXING yourself too.
It will happen, but you have to go back to my first post and remember that you have this AWESOME gift of TIME that I keep telling everyone about.
Of course most people want to return the GIFT but unfortunatley there is a policy against that. smile smile smile

You are doing fine NG, good job on the excercising and working on your self.

It will start to get better, I promise.


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Thank you, Cadet. I have stopped myself from calling/writing/texting.

I think I have been working too hard on myself and that is adding to my depression. My C said that I am a classic high achiever and when I set a goal I go after it hard.

Looking at all the things I want to change begins a cycle of blaming myself and getting stuck in "should ofs" instead of looking for ways to move forward.

I need more fun, less seriousness right now. But I sure do wish the time gift had a better return policy. smile

Thanks again, Cadet, for caring. It means a lot.


Me(f): 51 W: 41
DP:8 M:3 T:10
"W not happy" 7/11
D final: 8/13
Joined: May 2011
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NG,

It's pretty typical for LBSers to over-analyze and work really hard at changing ourselves...

... we are the only ones we CAN change.

But the mindset needs to be "This is what I realized I don't like about myself".

My w told me early on that I was too negative and selfish.

She was spot on with my negativity and although she contributed to it greatly.. it was still my choice to change me...

... and at first I did it so she would see, but then I started doing it because it was who I wanted to be.

I wanted to positive and loving with or without her.

The challenge becomes when the WAS is just spewing BS vs. truth. Overtime I learned that although my w was right about me being negative.. she was full of crap about me being selfish.

I guess my point being is that it's hard to see all of this when you are deeply hurting and feel desperate to get your w back.

But take your w out of the equation for one second. Envision who you would like NG to be... as a person, as a partner..

... now tell us.. who is that person??


M(f): 40
D'ed: 8/12

Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.

Love at all costs because you are loved well.
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