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Originally Posted By: Autumn Leaves
Great suggestions Starsky. I now realize how carefully I need to phrase things, as he takes my niceness as vulnerability . . .



I know. That's why I'm trying to come up with phrasing that is both:

a) civil, even nice

b) still lets him know that nothing has changed regarding your boundaries (the "no matter what happens" part)


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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True, and maintaining my boundaries is new for him so it can cause a reaction.

Turns out my attorney is not in at all today, left a message and found out that I won't hear from her until tomorrow. Wonderful!


-Autumn

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Autumn

1-Reminder: Save ALL txt's and emails. ( copy and paste txt's into iPhone notepad as you get them, or email to yourself)
2-Mske sure you have the one re:stop badgering you.
3-First question to L is how to handle marital funds to retain her.
4-At the very least, secure your accounts to require double signatures to withdrawal funds (large amounts).
5-Find out how to protect yourself from him opening new credit jointly.
6-Get legal advice on the visitation.

I have to say. You sound mad and a bit thrown off guard, but you are completely reasonable and emotionally solid.

You've got this.


Me-46, D-21, S15, S13

After many years w/my head in the sand...
I FILED
Divorced 6/2011

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
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Originally Posted By: Autumn Leaves


Turns out my attorney is not in at all today, left a message and found out that I won't hear from her until tomorrow. Wonderful!


Talk to their Office Manager and/or her Sectetary re:funds to secure your retainer. Their secretaries, often times, know almost as much as them.


Me-46, D-21, S15, S13

After many years w/my head in the sand...
I FILED
Divorced 6/2011

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
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I'm concerned about your accounts.


Me-46, D-21, S15, S13

After many years w/my head in the sand...
I FILED
Divorced 6/2011

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
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Originally Posted By: mindfull


You've got this.



Yep. smirk


Oh, and YOUR counselor may be out today, but THE Counselor, isn't. I think you will find that He is 24/7/365. He is, mighty God, Counselor, King of King and Lord of Lords! grin


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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Originally Posted By: mindfull
I'm concerned about your accounts.



I thought this had already been done. Firewalling accounts when one spouse is wayward is ALWAYS one of the very first steps that is wise (and one of the few subjects that gets near-100% consensus from posters of various ideological stripes). Funds are most vulnerable after you make any sort of a stand.

Throw in any known substance abuse? Concern goes up 5-fold, at least.

Protect yourself.


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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Originally Posted By: Starsky309


Oh, and YOUR counselor may be out today, but THE Counselor, isn't. I think you will find that He is 24/7/365. He is, mighty God, Counselor, King of King and Lord of Lords! grin


Starsky


Thanks, I needed that reminder!! You are absolutely right. In the meantime I am putting my day to good use, as I can't concentrate and took the day off. I will talk to our banks re: securing the accounts without freezing them. I also have an appt with my gyn for a full std panel. 20 years..I shouldn't have to do this, but it is what it is.


-Autumn

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Starsky.

We talked this am, and I gave her ideas regarding the accounts they have, and possibilities for headaches.

Autumn.

I'm going to head something off at the pass here... (You know some of this).

I didn't handle anything financial in my prior marriage. I only partially listened to my L about securing my finances. It cost me (at least half) of $50k that xH pulled from a line of credit on our marital home.

I only partially listened/acted on advice from my L because of fear. I feared I was over-reacting, feared I wasn't making a good choice, feared xH would blow a gasket, etc...

Don't let that fear be part if your movement. Secure you home and finances for you and boys.


Me-46, D-21, S15, S13

After many years w/my head in the sand...
I FILED
Divorced 6/2011

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 568
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Thanks mindfull, I agree with you 100% and need to be sure to not react due to fear. I am making conscious decisions in the best interest of the kids and I, and that is all that I can do. I am not responsible for his reaction or tantrums.


-Autumn

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