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#2232264 - 03/21/12 03:03 AM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: ces67]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Originally Posted By: ces67
Maybe it's a coin toss. In some ways separating takes away the immediate stress but I would think you'll need a plan to reconnect at some point if the goal is still to build a better marriage.

I've been living with my w post bomb for a good while and it's sux but at the same time there are benefits. Each sitch is different though so could certainly understand some who just need to get out of a bad sitch.


Right, probably just comes down to the individual sitch.

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#2232284 - 03/21/12 05:15 AM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: rickb89]
zig Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 1855
Loc: KS
Originally Posted By: rickb89

Sometimes I think there's a conflicting message in DB'ing. Let them go, GAL, get past the anger and judgement, be responsible for your own life and happiness, recognize they have their own path to walk, deal with their A's, have faith in the universe. You do this despite an army of naysayers around you.


i feel so confused by it too - since i'm not there yet, i can't imagine getting to that point and then working on the relationship, if it is so effective that it makes the WAS want to come back
_________________________
me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"


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#2232310 - 03/21/12 11:02 AM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: labug]
Truegritter Offline
Member

Registered: 02/27/10
Posts: 2686
Originally Posted By: Rick
No. this is not directed at you TG....any of today's frustration.


I know and even if it were, it's ok.

I have been exactly where you are today Rick. I did not have kids so that part I don't have the specific experience but I know the man you want to be and are becoming and it is work and continually something you must be mindful of in all parts of your life.

Simple words but wise ones I found here with regards to children:

It is not your job to repair the relatinship between them and their mother.

It is your job not to damage it.

In many ways this part is the toughest.

Keep steppin' my friend.
_________________________
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am

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#2233373 - 03/26/12 04:33 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: Truegritter]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Originally Posted By: Truegritter
Originally Posted By: Rick
No. this is not directed at you TG....any of today's frustration.


I know and even if it were, it's ok.

I have been exactly where you are today Rick. I did not have kids so that part I don't have the specific experience but I know the man you want to be and are becoming and it is work and continually something you must be mindful of in all parts of your life.

Simple words but wise ones I found here with regards to children:

It is not your job to repair the relatinship between them and their mother.

It is your job not to damage it.

In many ways this part is the toughest.

Keep steppin' my friend.


Thanks TG...this is very helpful!

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#2233467 - 03/26/12 10:02 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: rickb89]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
This morning was the usual start to the morning but as usual that's when things happen with W. Do you remember in school days when you would get to school early, and it was kind of like a mini recess? That's what it's like in our house in the morning for me and kids, usually pretty upbeat. S13 had backed up the line for the bathroom so D21 and me where waiting, and then S21 and we were all excited telling each other about who did what last night, checking out D21's new hair color, comparing Game of Thrones notes, laughing, just like it used to be in school. I think it got to W.

I saw her drive away, and just before I left I saw her back and in the driveway. I was ready to leave and I saw her face, and she was very sad, even for her usual state. So I went over to see if there was anything I could do and she started hysterically crying. So I just let her fall into me and just let it all out. I eventually asked what was wrong and she said she has to get out of here, move out. In my mind I was thinking and feeling that is the right thing. She's got to do something with her life. I asked if something had happened to bring this on today and she "nothing" and "everything". She said she has "f"'ed up her whole life, and hurt me and the kids beyond repair and can see how far removed from us she has become or we from her. Even though that is completely true I didn't want to say anything to hammer her even more than her own realization has. So i just said to her anything she does going forward is a choice, she can choose anything different beyond this and that maybe all of this was necessary but going forward she can still choose a better existance than this. She let it out for about a half hour. I said do you want me to stay here to talk or anything. She said no she's good.

Just a day in the life.

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#2233585 - 03/27/12 04:44 AM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: rickb89]
Grmpy_Mnky Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/11
Posts: 524
Loc: MS
Wow Rick! So do you think she will move?
_________________________
Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.

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#2233640 - 03/27/12 01:41 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
I don't know. She's in a very tortured state. I can see that the realtionship with her boys is weighing very heavily on her right now. She's all over the map emotionally. I just keep letting her talk and hear her stories...seems to help her.

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#2233642 - 03/27/12 01:44 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: rickb89]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Ray...regardless of the sitch I hate seeing her hurt and she is nothing but hurt for a long time. I'm good with my life now...a lot of great stuff happening.

I hope she can find peace and I'll help her however she needs it, well there are some things I won't help her with..wink wink

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#2233650 - 03/27/12 02:12 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: rickb89]
sayitaintso Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/11
Posts: 951
Originally Posted By: rickb89
Ray...regardless of the sitch I hate seeing her hurt and she is nothing but hurt for a long time. I'm good with my life now...a lot of great stuff happening.

I hope she can find peace and I'll help her however she needs it, well there are some things I won't help her with..wink wink


You are a true testament to us fellow DB-ers Rick!
_________________________
Me- 34 W-33
S15 S10 S6
Married- 11 Together- 18
Bomb- 6-2011
WAW moves out- 8-2011

"Nothing in the Universe can stop you from letting go and starting over at anytime"- Guy Finley

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#2233651 - 03/27/12 02:13 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: sayitaintso]
sayitaintso Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/11
Posts: 951
And G** D***, breaking records w/ the post count on this thread.
_________________________
Me- 34 W-33
S15 S10 S6
Married- 11 Together- 18
Bomb- 6-2011
WAW moves out- 8-2011

"Nothing in the Universe can stop you from letting go and starting over at anytime"- Guy Finley

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