OMG I cant believe she is gone

[pulpwood]

I know nothing of LEGAL matters.

That said, I will tell you what I think about the money.

Do what you want with your personal acct. The joint savings on the other hand...that is touchy. It probably deserves a discusion with her.

If you want to speed up the D, go ahead and take the savings money to Vegas.

I think you should go. But not with joint money.

Hopefully MrBond will weigh in on a tactful and timely way to aproach the money.

[Hard2bHopefull]

well i dont want to spend the joint money. I actually took it out so she doesnt use it to hire an attorney. she may think im doing somthing else but thats fine. she doesnt have a lot in her checking account so i know if she had to she would use our joint savings to pay for her attorney fees. so im taking that option from her

[pulpwood]

Does that make you feel good?

Do you think you will get a good reaction?

You CAN'T control her. She will see this as an attemt to do so. It is, isn't it?

I strongly suggest you put back half. That is fair, is it not? If you and a friend, for some reason, had an acct would you just take all the money b/c they did some things you don't like?

[pulpwood]

As a friend, I'm telling you, no good will come of this. You will just look like a jerk. I know you want to make more time. I'm right there with you. I see this action as shortening your window bud. Use the time you have to be a good person. The man only a fool would leave.

[Hard2bHopefull]

I know im not supposed to snoop but i couldnt help myself. seriously the things she has been telling me never add up. I feel bad for snooping but its what i did.

well she had sent a message to her sister talking about her her mom is upset with her and that she is starting to become suspicious of what she is telling her the reasons she left me. and it turns out there is an OM..

this pisses me off because she is making me out to be the bad person and the reason why our marriage failed when she is the one with the affair. and the fact that she would get so upset with my EA and make me feel so horrible about it.

Idk what to do. now that i know im not really interested in the details. so first step is to stop snooping. 2nd step is where im lost

[Hard2bHopefull]

and i put back half into the checking, i dont think she even noticed that it was ever gone. she doesnt check her account every day

[pulpwood]

I'm a guilty snooper. It just messes with your head. Let it go. As best you can. Letting her know that you know will probably just blow up in your face. You will be caught red handed at your snooping. You thought you wanted to know but now you are not so sure, right?

Next step is GAL. Dig deep to find your faults. Stick to the 37 rules. Get your swagger back. Look your best. Be your best. You can do it.

[Hard2bHopefull]

im at the point of why should i care anymore. she obviously doesnt want to be with me at all. she has moved on with this other guy. but no im not upset i that i know now. im glad because it takes some of the guilt off of me. she makes me feel like i was so bad but her actions are not any better

[Hard2bHopefull]

it all kind of falls into place now, i mean her behavior had red flags all over it and now it all makes sense.

[leopoldstotch]

H2bH step back and take a deep breath. The first thing you need to do is STOP SNOOPING! You keep telling us that you aren't going to do it anymore but you still are snooping! The second thing you need to do is own up to the fact that you an EA for 5 years. You need to see that from your W's perspective. The fact that your W may have an OM is not the reason she wants a D it is a symptom of your M.

IMHO you need help ASAP. It is time for you to go to a psychiatrist or a counselor. There is absolutely no shame in getting the much needed help for yourself and taking some medication is not a sign of weakness at all. I can tell from your posts that your emotions are all over the map. It is ok for you to grieve and feel hurt do not keep these feeling bottled up.
Why don't you set a limit for the grieving and hurt after which you are going to be tougher on yourself.

Right now I would refrain from contacting her. You know there was a reason for her leaving use this separation as an opportunity for you. Your M is just one part of your life and you know you have many other things to be grateful for. Remember that you can not control so stop trying to. You are not incomplete with her. It's time for you to look forward to the future and dream of doing new things. regain your personal power because it will make you look, act and feel more desirable than ever.

If you challenge yourself to improve yourself and do what you love the more impressed everyone is going to be with the way you're handling your sitch and I'll bet your W will get wind of it.

As far as the money sitch goes I just got off the phone with a L and I was advised to get my own checking account. We currently have a joint savings/checking account. I was also advised to go to my bank and talk with them about requiring both signatures so that the accounts cannot be cleaned out. My advice to you is to contact a L immediately so you know your rights. The consultation is free and very helpful. You need to protect yourself at a time when you are most vulnerable. The L even told me to change the locks on the house once she moves out so that my W does not have free reign to come in and clean me out when I'm not home after all he said I can't come and go as I please to her new residence. In order for her to have access to the house she would have to take me to court. So please take my advice, protect yourself! I've given you a lot to think about. I'll check back later.