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#2230499 - 03/14/12 04:28 PM I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2
Sad in WI Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/12
Posts: 225
Part 2
_________________________
M:39
W:38
S:12
D:8

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#2230500 - 03/14/12 04:29 PM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: Sad in WI]
Sad in WI Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/12
Posts: 225
_________________________
M:39
W:38
S:12
D:8

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#2230523 - 03/14/12 05:30 PM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: Sad in WI]
Sad in WI Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/12
Posts: 225
Today I just don't feel like talking, texting or emailing the W. She has called a couple of times and I have note taken the calls (first time I have done this). Figured if it was urgent she would leave a voice mail. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
_________________________
M:39
W:38
S:12
D:8

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#2230617 - 03/14/12 09:20 PM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: Sad in WI]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 10957
No you're not wrong. In fact, you shouldn't be thinking about it.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2230693 - 03/15/12 02:35 AM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: MrBond]
Sad in WI Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/12
Posts: 225
Today I avoided contact with W for the first time since we have been together.

Kids and I were playing wiffle ball in the back yard, while W was picking up the house. She then sat on the deck while we played.

She is very anxious about our upcoming trip and had been hounding me to get all the reservations secured. I guess that is a good thing right? I have no expectations regarding the vacation, but it did make me happy to see her very interested in the family trip.

When we are at home together we appear to be having a good time as a family. I don't feel the stress in the house that was previously there. Nothing has changed on the R front. It has not been brought up and I am not going to bring it to the table. I am trying to take things one day at a time.
_________________________
M:39
W:38
S:12
D:8

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#2230724 - 03/15/12 03:43 AM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: Sad in WI]
leopoldstotch Offline
Member

Registered: 10/30/11
Posts: 328
Loc: Pennsylvania
You sound like you are doing much better. Nothing wrong with not talking to your W at all. You are essentially giving her space in fact you are not alone I have not spoken to my W at all today. The best thing you can do is to detach from her.
_________________________
M 44 W 43
S 23 S 15
INILWY 9/11
Divorce Mediation started 3/13
June 30 the day W is moving out

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#2230763 - 03/15/12 09:07 AM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: leopoldstotch]
Sad in WI Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/12
Posts: 225
Leo,

Thank you for your kind words. This is hard to do under the same roof, but I think it is much better than if we were living separately.

SIW
_________________________
M:39
W:38
S:12
D:8

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#2231013 - 03/16/12 01:22 AM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: Sad in WI]
Sad in WI Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/12
Posts: 225
Wondering if someone can offer their opinion on my sitch. I would like me and my W to reconcile. I realized that I should expect nothing and hope for the worst. I am in the ultimate marathon and the end is no where in sight.

MY relationship with the kids is getting better, they now are actively seeking me out when they come home. Both have been behaving so much better as of late.

My relationship with my W is different. Two weeks ago she was not talking to me and now she appears to be opening up. She no longer is distant after work. I am considering this a baby step. No affection between us and it is not expected by me.

Neither one of us have brought up the R or M. I am assuming that W still intends on going forward with D. I tell myself that since I have no control over that it does not pay to worry about it.

I am changing into the husband/father that only a fool would leave. I just get so anxious/nervous that I wish she would give me a sign either way. I no such expectation is counter intuitve.

She laid out a road map of what we were lacking and I have incorporated her concerns into some of my 180's. Guess I am just using this as a sounding board. Thanks for reading.
_________________________
M:39
W:38
S:12
D:8

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#2231014 - 03/16/12 01:24 AM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: Sad in WI]
Starsky309 Online
Member

Registered: 10/11/10
Posts: 5000
Loc: Florida
Sad,

I've been encouraged to check out your sitch, and see if I can help. But you've posted a LOT, and I don't have time to catch up on all of it. Can you give us a "Reader's Digest" synopsis version of what you've done so far?

Starsky
_________________________
At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)

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#2231019 - 03/16/12 01:36 AM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: Starsky309]
Sad in WI Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/12
Posts: 225
Starsky,

I have been doing the following 180's:

1) Work stays in the car until the family is asleep;
2) Work problems stay at work, not to be taken out on the kids and W;
3) More active with the kids in taking care of them (i.e. getting them ready and taking them to school, entertaining them when I get home; and helping coordinate their activities);
4) More open with the family's finances and withold judgment of my W if there is a problem; and
5) Listening more to the people around me including my W.

My W has demanded space and I have been giving her this - not calling and allowing her to initate contact.

On my GAL's
1) I am back to working out daily;
2) Joined a mens hockey league; and
3) Doing more things with the kids than I have before.

I am a workaholic so there is not much free time per se.
_________________________
M:39
W:38
S:12
D:8

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