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#2236790 - 04/10/12 10:14 AM Re: Moving Right along Part 2 [Re: Autumn Leaves]
mindfull Offline
Member

Registered: 11/27/08
Posts: 3975
Autumn - I love this plan. You are a class act. smile
_________________________
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13

After many years w/my head in the sand...
I FILED
Divorced 6/2011

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

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#2236793 - 04/10/12 10:33 AM Re: Moving Right along Part 2 [Re: mindfull]
Autumn Leaves Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 568
Loc: Pennsylvania
Thanks!! I know that it may be temporary but for now I am really enjoying the respectful boundaries and cooperation. I truly hope we can continue this, but fully understand it may change at times. It's just an observation for today.
_________________________
-Autumn


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#2236812 - 04/10/12 11:07 AM Re: Moving Right along Part 2 [Re: Autumn Leaves]
~ kd ~ Offline
Member

Registered: 03/20/11
Posts: 4866
Loc: Canoe'k-land
It was good to read your thoughts, Autumn.

It sounds different than your last posts on the subject...

So a trial separation? Sounds good.

Deal breakers? Sure, I know what my deal breakers are...

And going into ANY new R... regardless of who that person is... those things would be important to me...

And IF that person did not have those characteristics... regardless of who that person was... even if it was my W... "fixed"... for lack of a better term... why would I say, "no!" to my W? Just because she wears the same face as the person whom I did not like in the past? Who DID have the deal breakers...

I would try to be as fair to any new suitors... regardless of what their name was...

Hope that makes sense...

You sound more centred... good to see...

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#2236825 - 04/10/12 11:36 AM Re: Moving Right along Part 2 [Re: ~ kd ~]
Starsky309 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/11/10
Posts: 3743
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: Kaffe Diem
It was good to read your thoughts, Autumn.

It sounds different than your last posts on the subject...

So a trial separation? Sounds good.

Deal breakers? Sure, I know what my deal breakers are...

And going into ANY new R... regardless of who that person is... those things would be important to me...

And IF that person did not have those characteristics... regardless of who that person was... even if it was my W... "fixed"... for lack of a better term... why would I say, "no!" to my W? Just because she wears the same face as the person whom I did not like in the past? Who DID have the deal breakers...

I would try to be as fair to any new suitors... regardless of what their name was...

Hope that makes sense...

You sound more centred... good to see...



That's a great way to put it, KD!! grin


Starsky
_________________________
At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)

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#2236838 - 04/10/12 12:26 PM Re: Moving Right along Part 2 [Re: Starsky309]
Autumn Leaves Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 568
Loc: Pennsylvania
That makes a lot of sense Kaffe, thanks so much. Yes I feel very centered. I am so incredibly lucky to have a good support system both online and IRL as I am going through this. I only hope that H will lean on his support system too, he has been shutting his family out but hopefully this move will change that. Not in my control but my wish for him.
_________________________
-Autumn


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#2236880 - 04/10/12 02:25 PM Re: Moving Right along Part 2 [Re: Autumn Leaves]
finding nemo Offline
Member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 81
Autumn,

I am so glad that you have reached some peace. I think that might have to be my goal for the future!

{{{Hugs}}}
_________________________
Me: 42 H: 44
M: 17 1/2 T: 19 1/2
S: 14
D: 10
D: 8
Dog: 16-17 (very old & H's responsibility, live w/ me)
1st Bomb (I need space): 2/3/12
2nd Bomb (ILYBNILWY): 2/11/12
Moved out: 2/12/12

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#2236905 - 04/10/12 03:31 PM Re: Moving Right along Part 2 [Re: finding nemo]
Autumn Leaves Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 568
Loc: Pennsylvania
Thanks Nemo. I wish that for you, we all deserve peace smile
_________________________
-Autumn


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#2236979 - 04/10/12 07:16 PM Re: Moving Right along Part 2 [Re: Autumn Leaves]
Fergie Offline
Member

Registered: 03/20/10
Posts: 309
Autumn,

Good for you!

You are handling this with poise and grace.

smile

--Fergie

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#2237092 - 04/11/12 08:31 AM Re: Moving Right along Part 2 [Re: Fergie]
Autumn Leaves Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 568
Loc: Pennsylvania
Thanks Fergie, that is my goal smile

Tonight is the night that we talk to the boys. We had another discussion last night and it was calm and respectful. He thanked me for it this morning as he was leaving for work.

We are telling them "I'm sure its no surprise that we have been dealing with some issues for some time now. We have decided that the best way to handle them is to live apart for now, to allow each other some space. We still love each other but can't live in the same house right now. Dad will be at Uncle E's house and will be available to you whenever you want. We are both working hard to keep your lives as normal as possible with sports, etc"

H and I agreed that he will come here every other weekend to stay since there is no place for him to have the kids at his friends house. It is best to keep them in their home. I will make plans to leave every other weekend to give them that time.

During the week, he can take them fishing, golfing, to the boat for a bbq. They have options and he plans to see them one night each week in addition to his every other weekend.

We still have to discuss some details but I feel like we are doing a pretty good job so far.

He admitted that as much as he will miss the house and day to day, he feels relieved with our decision to separate. I do as well. I don't think we've talked this openly and honestly in years.

He took the day off on Friday to get the boat ready for the water. He will wait for the kids to leave for school and move out that morning. This will be my weekend with the boys. I plan to be around as much as possible in case they need me, but give them space if they just need each other.
_________________________
-Autumn


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#2237097 - 04/11/12 08:51 AM Re: Moving Right along Part 2 [Re: Autumn Leaves]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9498
Loc: GA
That sounds like an excellent plan. You are handling this so well!
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH46 M42
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


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