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Nemo, you really do have a lot on your plate! Whew. It's horrible when kids are sick. My daughter now 35,had some issues when she was a teenager. Autoimmune stuff. It all turned out ok, but made her a little, sometimes alot of a hypochondriac. She still stuggles with stress. But she does live in NYC. I don't know how she does it Nice place to visit... she lived 4 blocks from the towers when they fell. Had to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge to friends. That whole experience wrecked her for years. She's doing much better no! Just can never stop worrying about them.

Sorry your h. is so filled with venom.

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HIW, I'm originally from NY (Long Island, specifically). Lost some wonderful friends that day. We had moved just to MD and were in temporary housing, and 9/11 was the 1st time my H travelled with his new company. Took hours to finally find him. What an awful day.

I can't even imagine living 4 blocks away. That was such a great area. Is she still living there?


Me: 42 H: 44
M: 17 1/2 T: 19 1/2
S: 14
D: 10
D: 8
Dog: 16-17 (very old & H's responsibility, live w/ me)
1st Bomb (I need space): 2/3/12
2nd Bomb (ILYBNILWY): 2/11/12
Moved out: 2/12/12
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,877
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Hi Nemo. It's awful to hear venom from your H, I know. Reading other stories on here you'll see that a lot of WASs do that. If they can demonize you it makes them feel like leaving you is not only ok but necessary. It's part of the script. Just the fact that there is a script helped me not take it so personally. It still hurts, but it's not so much about you as it is about him.

Take him off guard by not taking the bait. Validate his feelings rather than arguing his details.


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.
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Here's the good news, Nemo, there are good days and bad days and really sucky days.

The secret to success is: Get up every day, keep the focus on you, keep doing the next right thing and eventually, the good days outweigh the bad days and the sucky days are very few and far between.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Great advice from labug, I completely agree. Eventually the good will outweigh the bad which will help you when dealing with the bad ones. You will have the strength to get through them.

((Nemo))


-Autumn

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Thanks so much Adinva, LAbug, & AL for your advice and support.

I am most definitely feeling stronger today. There are just 2 things I wish I had more control over - 1) the amount of times he e-mails/texts me a day, it's just too much and usually ugly and 2) that I didn't have to hear anymore about all of his antics both current and the past.

I'd planned to do some GAL today (kids went back to school today after their break), but D8 is home today. She's got a bit of a stomach ache, probably from her new antibiotics. UGH! Hopefully all kids will be in school tomorrow.

My GAL for tomorrow is a fun one, I know you'll all be jealous - getting bloodwork drawn. I know, can you stand how exciting I am?! lol

Gosh, I really don't know what I'd do without this outlet. Thank you all so much for your advice and support, the only thing better would be really getting together with all of you and giving you all a big hug! xoxo


Me: 42 H: 44
M: 17 1/2 T: 19 1/2
S: 14
D: 10
D: 8
Dog: 16-17 (very old & H's responsibility, live w/ me)
1st Bomb (I need space): 2/3/12
2nd Bomb (ILYBNILWY): 2/11/12
Moved out: 2/12/12
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 568
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I'm glad you are feeling a little better today. After your bloodwork, can you take yourself out for some coffee or something else you may enjoy? You need to treat yourself well, and the kids going back to school is a great time for that.

(((hugs)))


-Autumn

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Nemo, she actually moved to Astoria, Queens. She also worked right down there. After it happened her office faced the site. She quit that job, couldn't deal with seeing it everyday.

I wish I had an answer for nasty emails and texts. Too bad you can't put a ringtone on them so you knew it was him and just ignore.

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You can ignore the emails unless they have something to do with the kids.

It's hard to do but your peace of mind is so worth it.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 81
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Interesting developement this evening...

After weeks of no phone calls, H calls me tonight on his way "home" (to his apartment). H was very nice and really chatty and didn't ask to speak with the kids, talked to me for 25 minutes.

Asked how my Easter was. He volunteered to make his visitation with the kids more scheduled so that I could make plans. I thanked him for being considerate. Then I mentioned that next week was a difficult week schedule-wise for the kids. He said he'd do what he could to help drive them at least one day. I told him I'd look over the week and let him know which were my worst days and if he could help, that would be great.

All-in-all I feel like it was a pleasant conversation. I tried to be pleasant and not pursue, and I felt like I accomplished both of those tasks. He did remind me of my "old" H, not the alien abducted one.

However, this call made me miss him all over again and have expectations. Gosh, I hate that!!


Me: 42 H: 44
M: 17 1/2 T: 19 1/2
S: 14
D: 10
D: 8
Dog: 16-17 (very old & H's responsibility, live w/ me)
1st Bomb (I need space): 2/3/12
2nd Bomb (ILYBNILWY): 2/11/12
Moved out: 2/12/12
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