Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 9 of 15 1 2 7 8 9 10 11 14 15
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,111
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,111
I am getting better and better at not poking those bears.

Sometimes I just REALLY want to. But I zip it and move along....

Because those bear attacks can be brutal.....


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
D final 9/12
Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
~
~ kd ~ Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
~
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
lol... sometimes the bear's growl is worse than the bite... wink

So just got a money request from W yesterday. As per other sitches, that one was somewhat expected. Actually, not really the first request, but this time the pressure seemed a little more palpable.

Spent the morning looking into D process and costs. I think it's time. Not sure how much more I may continue to have to work on feeling morally obligated to support my W's household in order to protect the kids, with D and child support orders in place, that should help me.

Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
~
~ kd ~ Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
~
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
lovely... everything just snafu here...

So, had nice little dialogue with W around child support and D... a bunch of emails back and forth and we came to an agreement on child support... Not as painful as I thought that might be. Within court guidelines and I can afford it. Cut that money nut off at the head...

Had a quick little discussion regarding D14... D14 is still being P/A to me and W agreed that I have done what I can to let D14 know I am available... the rest is up to D14...

Let W know, with child support settled, I'd be moving on with the formality of D on Monday...

I'm listening to crickets...

... .. .. . . . .

Really...??? Who's been feeding my W that DB silliness...?

sure... let the WAS do all the work, DB says... ignore talk of D, it says...

*sheesh*

Gonna have to make plans to poke the bear a few times this weekend...

Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
~
~ kd ~ Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
~
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
nah, looks like she just got bored with the conversation...

we proceed to D with irreconcilable indifferences... smile

Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
~
~ kd ~ Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
~
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
whooo... that feels better... smile

yeah... I poked the bear... a few times...

I can't believe it... and I'm gonna start calling her "X" now...

X says to me that she doesn't think we should tell the kids that we're getting D. OK... it's a formality and nothing otherwise changes... but what I DO know is D9 knows we are separated and not D... so I suspect D9 has hope... even after D I'm sure she will have hope... but I just feel that the kids should know... this isn't something you hide under the carpet, like... oops... I stepped on the kid's favourite toy and broke it... well, ok... one probably shouldn't lie about that, either...

So then she tells me that she thinks the kids should know that this whole thing was her decision... but that she doesn't want to get into that with them, at this time... said that D wasn't such a big deal, whereas the SA was...

errrmmm... to the kids...? crazy

oooo... I so wanted to use this phrase over the last couple days...

"that's a special kinda crazy, I tell ya..."

So I just laid out the "I feel..." and "I felt..." stuff to her... just basic stuff like not feeling like I measured up... that I felt she didn't think I contributed to the family or financially... and I also admitted that I had emotionally left the M six years ago, and apologized for that...

oh... and then I tied into her about lying...

ok, this was email and I sent her one that said I didn't know why I was sending these, since she probably wasn't reading them or was reading between the lines... but that it felt good to let this stuff out... and go...

So yeah, "tying into her" means something different when it's done in an email and easily deleted or otherwise dismissed by the recipient...

But I did let her know how much her asking the kids to "lie" to me by telling them to hide her life from me last year, hurt them... Both D14 and D9 expressed being severely uncomfortable with having that burden...

Anyhow, I actually feel like I have a lighter step... I have no idea if she's read them nor how she'll process them if she does... and it really doesn't matter to me...

Now to write out the child support cheques for the next six months and give them to X when I pick up D9 in a few hours. smile

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,111
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,111
OH MY, Rollercoaster!

I keep wondering when do I start calling my H STBX. I won't call him XH until it is all signed. But in his head I've been his X for well more than a year.

Then we can call them: "Someone I Used to Know"........

I'm just sayin'.

Sorry, if I'm a downer today. It has just been one of those days!


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
D final 9/12
Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
~
~ kd ~ Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
~
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
yeah, I did fall off the wagon. But I needed to get that out. I think I was just getting myself revved up so that I'll file.

I struck a nerve on the "lying" one. Makes sense. She doesn't see withholding as lying. No biggy.

Honestly, I could have been a little more... DBish with the language... again, that doesn't justify it and not a good example for anyone who IS still standing and DBing... but my M is dead... so it was my clear and closure with X...

no worries Wendy... we all have those days...

cheer up! grin

Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
~
~ kd ~ Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
~
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
I do think I need to retire from the boards here as much as I may have been helpful to others... It just consumes too much of my time and there's a great group here that are doing a fantastic job taking supporting those who need it...

I did finally get a response from... stb X... won't go into it too much, but does sound like a stronger lean to MLC... no "happy", long term M's to reference... life half over...

Not that it matters, really... well no, it doesn't matter... I'm not really "torn" as it were, because I need to remind myself that the M is over and neither of us were happy and I do not want to be with the person that I most prominently remember (the angry, bitter woman). I'm sure she doesn't want to be with the person she felt was (my words not hers, but the general theme of what she thought of me...) lazy and content with... I guess stagnation...? ie. no growth in self or R...

I just want the both of us to be happy. She needs to still "find herself". Not a journey I can go on.

What is the hardest for me is suspecting that in "finding herself" she is looking at other suitors... That's not something that I can live with being M to her. But know I can't "stop" her from...

Anyhow, time to move on... the future holds new adventures...

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,111
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,111
I hope those new adventures are all you hope for and more!

Aloha,

Wendy

PS Thanks for all the support you have given me.


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
D final 9/12
Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,748
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,748
Originally Posted By: Kaffe Diem

I do think I need to retire from the boards here as much as I may have been helpful to others...

You'll definitely be missed. I understand, though. I've slowed down fairly substantially. It was cutting in too much to my GAL'ing time and sleep time. Maybe you could take a break or just slow down?

Originally Posted By: Kaffe Diem

What is the hardest for me is suspecting that in "finding herself" she is looking at other suitors... That's not something that I can live with being M to her. But know I can't "stop" her from...

IMO this is an unhealthy way to go about it for her. You know that and I know that. smirk However, you're right - she has to figure that out for herself, sadly enough.

You know your threshold and you know what you need to do. Hang in there, my friend.


BITS
Me:46 / W:47 / M:19 / T:21 / S13
Bomb#1: 5/8/2008
MC: 5/2008 - 4/2010
Bomb#2: 2/10/2011
W moves out 5/7/2011

'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.' - Matt. 19:26
Page 9 of 15 1 2 7 8 9 10 11 14 15

Moderated by  Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard