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#2233108 - 03/25/12 01:27 AM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: Sad in WI]
Starsky309 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/11/10
Posts: 5018
Loc: Florida
Ok then!
_________________________
At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)

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#2233120 - 03/25/12 02:48 AM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: Starsky309]
Accuray Offline
Member

Registered: 07/20/11
Posts: 2090
That's all encouraging but heed Starsky's advice -- don't jump through hoops. If she tells you to say something, make her wait / work for it. She'll appreciate it more when she gets it that way. Immediately jumping through the hoop is not attractive as Starsky pointed out.

Accuray
_________________________
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 45, W: 47, D: 15, S: 13, D: 9
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
ILYBINILWY (again) 7/12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014
Divorced 8/2014

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#2233121 - 03/25/12 02:51 AM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: Accuray]
Starsky309 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/11/10
Posts: 5018
Loc: Florida
Sad, if you doubt it, ask 10 women.
_________________________
At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)

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#2233141 - 03/25/12 10:39 AM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: Starsky309]
Sad in WI Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/12
Posts: 225
A/S,

Thank you for the advice. The only hoops I will be jumping through are for my kids at this time.

W told me that she cancelled her appointment with her attorney. I am not reading anything into that.

SIW
_________________________
M:39
W:38
S:12
D:8

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#2233147 - 03/25/12 12:44 PM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: Sad in WI]
Starsky309 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/11/10
Posts: 5018
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: Sad in WI
A/S,
She also told me that she wanted me to tell her that I have been enjoying spending time with her. She told me she needs to hear these things as she thinks things would be better if I told her how I fealt.



Originally Posted By: Sad in WI
Starsky,
R came up and told her that I enjoyed the time together with her and the kids.



Originally Posted By: Sad in WI


W told me that she cancelled her appointment with her attorney. I am not reading anything into that.




Really? I think it's rather obvious.


Starsky
_________________________
At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)

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#2233549 - 03/27/12 02:06 AM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: Starsky309]
Sad in WI Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/12
Posts: 225
Starsky309,

Took your advice and have not sent a non kid/financial e-mail to her. Have not discussed the R or our M.

I have no problem giving my W space and letting her do her own thing. My focus through this process was being the best dad that I could be for my kids.

W told me that she has purposely been hands off with the kids the last few weeks.

I have no problem takings things day by day continuing to build my R with the kids, continue doing my 180's and working on GAL activities.

When it comes to my W I am trying to live without any expectations, but this is hard. The last two weeks she has been more intimate with me than we have been in a long time. She is also wanting to talk more and more. We are also doing more things together as a family.

As I previously stated W has indicated that she beleives that all this change is a temporary thing. I simply state that I am taking things day by day and that I am sorry she feels that way. It took her a long time to get where she is and will take a long time to get passed where we are.

Do I keep doing what I am doing and wait for my W to initiate any talk of reconciliation? Part of me hopes that she does not bring it up and that we take it slowly day by day. Then the impatient me would like her to put her ring on, etc. etc.

I think that there will be a time for this to come up and if I bring it up I may cause her to move two steps back.
_________________________
M:39
W:38
S:12
D:8

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#2233828 - 03/28/12 01:53 AM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: Sad in WI]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8880
Loc: Sonoran Desert
It sounds like you are really doing great right now.

Must be empowering for you.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M36 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2233830 - 03/28/12 02:02 AM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: labug]
Sad in WI Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/12
Posts: 225
Labug,

Thanks for the kind words. Is it normal to feel empowered and hopeless the next hour? Is is really hard for me to not want to try and fix things (i.e. my marriage).

I took your advice to heart about my W providing a road map for the problems in our M. My R with the kids is sooo much better and they no longer follow the W wherever she goes.

I am hoping you can help me with this: W told me I was not there for such a long time regarding us, the kids and finances. I am doing more for the kids and when it comes to finances it is getting better. If my W is telling me I have not been there is it the best to detach from her? We are talking more and I do not see her pushing back as much as she used to. Wouldn't that be counter intuitive to improving our R? Just wanted your perspective. I really appreciate the advice you and others have provided.

SIW
_________________________
M:39
W:38
S:12
D:8

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#2233837 - 03/28/12 02:25 AM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: Sad in WI]
workinghardguy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/15/11
Posts: 982
Loc: Wisconsin
Quote:
My R with the kids is sooo much better and they no longer follow the W wherever she goes.
Hey SIW... it's been a bit since I checked in on your sitch and this totally caught my eye.

Do you remember when this crap started? You were so concerned because the kids wouldn't do anything without W. So see? Progress! Celebrate the small changes and successes.

Yes, maybe this will have no impact on piecing your M back together, but it IS a good thing for your kids.
_________________________
Married 6 together 8
Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both
SS12, SD10, S6
Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann)
W moved out: 2/18/12
D final: 11/12/12
Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD

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#2233839 - 03/28/12 02:27 AM Re: I don't love you, but we can be friends Part 2 [Re: workinghardguy]
Sad in WI Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/12
Posts: 225
WHG,

Thank you, I was thinking about this myself. We should get together and go to a Brewers Game.

SIW
_________________________
M:39
W:38
S:12
D:8

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