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Barely, he is agreeing to go. Who know what these good people have in store for you. I guess maybe you just need to go into it with no expectations and maybe a tiny bit of hope. I get the adamant h.

I'm right there with you on the yogurt and fruit! Tillamook Baked Apple Pie, the best.

I can't even imagine potty training alone. What is you h. thinking? He is missing out on so much, that later I'm sure he will come to regret. You don't know it now, well maybe you do, but kids grow up fast and out of your direct life so soon.

Go for the haircut. Mine is getting really long. Because h. used to give me trims. That ain't happening anymore. But I'm kinda liking it longer. Last time I saw him, gardening weekend, we were sitting on deck and he mentioned your hair is so blond in the back, have you colored???? Weird, i said, just the roots, or maybe it's turning gray. he said no it's blond. At least he was looking at me, I guess.

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so H took S to school today. i guess S was asking H why he isn't here anymore because H txted me later asking if he could take S to school again tomorrow and mentioned S's comments to him. i just said.. i know.

H then asked me if i wanted to to easter dinner at FIL's. i asked how he felt about it and he said he felt fine.. just that i would have to put up w/ him. then clarified saying.. he really wants us to get along and that i would have to bear with him.. then said he has been feeling immensely down about not seeing the kids. i was soooo tempted to say.. yes.. that's the choice you made!!! but held my tongue. i didn't know how to validate so i just didn't say anything.

this is my weekend but i asked H if he wanted to have the kids sat/sun night since he didn't take them last weekend (his friend is leaving and he really wanted to attend the going away party) and next weekend is retrouvaille (also supposed to be his weekend).

my gf's son is having his bday party this weekend. this is the friend that actually introduced us. i asked H if he wanted to go. said he would try and thanked me for inviting him. i didn't ask him because i was pursuing.. i was thinking that it would be nice for the kids to have another person to play with (chuck e cheese).. and then we could just do the swap off there. also told him i would let him know about sunday.. because i have to work that night.

i don't know.. i guess i'm worried about another negative interaction. i'm just laying low. i have to get through this week and then go to retrouvaille and just be open to the process.

sometimes i wonder why i'm bothering w/ all this. would be easier? to just walk away. there's just been so much hurtful interactions.. how could we ever recover from that? and how would i even be able to trust enough to move towards a future if given the opportunity? i'm in this weird space.. not really sure which way i'm going. all i know is that my head isn't underwater.. and i'm breathing.. and i'm ok.


Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11
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hopeless.. i've been eating la krema greek yogurt.. honeylicious flavour.. sooo good. we don't get all the fancy flavours you do in the states! will have to trek out just to try the baked apple pie.

my hair is extremely long. i think the last time i had it this length was the year H proposed. lol! it's amazing how we can be with someone for so long and forget to really look at them. in january.. i remember looking at a photo of H and the kids and thinking.. wow.. he's gotten older. and his hair is really starting to gray.. how did i miss that?


Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 285
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Haven't tried that yogurt. I understand the ambivelence you are feeling. Just lay low!

Well my h. came back with an email today saying everything my cpa said was wrong and if we are going to legal battle I would have to pay for it. Nice! So I've spent the afternnon drafting a letter to my lawyer. Just want this settled. I don't think db'ing is even a possibility anymore.

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BF, good job on holding your tongue. That was also a nice feature to offer time with the kids.

Did your H say how he responded to your son?

I hope retrov. goes well for you. You sound like you may be in a good place to have no to low expectations.

Moving on....hmmm. It's so hard to know whether or not it's worth it. One thing is for certain, regardless of what happens, your H will always be in your life because of the kids. Can a person forgive and move past the hurt? I believe it is possible. But that is a personal choice. IMHO, regardless of whether or not the M is restored I think forgiveness is critical for one's self to be able to truly move on. Otherwise we carry the hurt and resentment with us and ultimately it can impact other relationships.

Ultimately, it takes both people to agree to move forward for the M. But you can live your life your way no matter what.

Hope your week goes well!


Me:45, W:45
S:16 D:13
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
Putting finances in order for "D"
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
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Nice "gesture". Not "feature". Stupid auto-correct!


Me:45, W:45
S:16 D:13
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
Putting finances in order for "D"
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 285
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Barely, how you doing? Nice to see sun again today.

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Sun good. Except I had my eyes dialated for eye dr. appt., BLIDED and blurry driving home!

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Ok I meant blinded. wish they had spell checker.

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bb - Ces told me a story about some friends of his who were able to forgive their spouses for adultry and I guess all the bad stuff, and I think go on to a better M.

I'm like you I think. It seems almost impossible to imagine.

I know you are in an awful place in deciding what to do. Whatever you do I admire your strength and honesty and have fsith that you will make the right decision. Just don't sell yourself short, you're worth (and your kids) a lot more than accepting to live less than your value.

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