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If someone was to be on the receiving end of the bomb, but then you knew that the WAS would immediately have to spend a weekend in RV, you would probably feel good in that they would at least have to hear every reason on earth and in the heavens as to why they should work this out. And the LBS would have every opportunity to say what they need to say.
In the real world that initially doesn't happen...the WAS doesn't listen to themselves or the LBS.
Here you have a chance. Enough time has gone by for all the reasons for this separation to play out, for both of you to think about yourselves, the M, the kids, spiritual considerations, practical considerations, etc. Maybe now that all this has had some time, it may be the best time for him to hear whar RV suggests. It probably couldn't have happened earlier.
I'm just saying you have a lot in your favor. You have had enough time for everyone to reflect. You know yourself a lot better after all this. You are the best woman any guy could ever want. He agreed to go. He's obviously looking around and aware of what is at stake. Your dad is with you, your family, all of us, your friends, god, the universe. No matter the outcome here's your chance to open yourself up completely in the eyes of the infinite. What you feel and what you are, and what capacity for love you have is never wasted in the universe. So, what ever comes out of this weekend can only be a path of love for you.
Fear is natural for all of us...don't fight it...but please in this one time have faith and let it all out. So many are walking with you in this.
Loc: Little Egg NJ
BF I have heard that Retroaville is pretty intense. And it has a good sucess rate. I pray that on Monday everything will be great and back to normal. No more self fulfilling prophecies of negatives stuff happening before the weekend ok.
M 50 W 49 D 16 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 11/12 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
Bugsy - after a night shift.. i sleep until i S comes home from school. my mom is there to watch D and my niece while i sleep. as for vegas.. that is not even a question!
HIW, Ces, Rick89, FN and Rick 63.. and everyone else that has sent positive thoughts and has been supporting me through this journey.
i'm scared. really scared. a had a little emotional meltdown before putting the kids to bed i'm trying really hard not to have hope or expectations. at the same time, i am trying not to close myself off to the potential for healing.
my kids are hurting. i see it all the time. yesterday, when i came to pick up S from school, he asked me if daddy was still at home. i reminded him that no.. he left yesterday. when we got home, i saw that S had been crying quietly on the way home. when i asked him what was wrong.. he said.. "i miss daddy". and all i could do was hug him.. hold him.. tell him "daddy really loves you" tell him.. how much i loved him.. and that i was right there.
i have been so broken by H's words and actions. and i wonder how i ever allowed that to happen. there are moments where i think.. there are other men who would love to be with me.. with my beautiful kids.. version 1.0 of me was good. but seriously.. i think i'm now version 3.0! serious upgrade!!!
i don't know.. i don't know.. i don't know...
i just don't know.
i feel as though the light inside me has dimmed a bit. i don't know what i need to do to jumpstart it again.
i can't believe retrouvaille is in 2 days. it seems like it was just yesterday when i thought.. it's 4 looooong months away. i feel so unprepared.
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
Barely, I see you are really overwhelmed right now. I think the weekend is getting you all jumbled up. Look back a little, you are strong. If RV wasn't happening this weekend how would you be feeling? My heart breaks for your son. and you. The light is still there. We all believe in you Ms. 3.0! Sorry you are feeling scared.
Hate this ride for you. But you are doing good! Its only natural to be scared, don't get down on yourself for it. And as far as separating "hope" from "expectations", that is just HARD STUFF. I struggle with that every day.
Can you believe and hope that YOU will be OK? This weekend can be good for you, even if your H doesn't open his heart to the opportunities it may offer.
I hope good things for you & your kids and I hope your H can be part of that. If not, you will still have those good things. There will be sadness, and mourning because it could (and I said "could") be a major loss in your life. OR it could be a turning point to healing.
Either way, you will make it and prosper. The hard part is the the option where your marriage heals is the one you can better visualize mentally because you've been there already. The other path is uncharted and unknown so its harder to see and believe what that "good" will look like. But it can be just as good or better! You're making progress to the "other side" regardless!
Me:43, W:42 S:14, D:10 M:20, T:23 Bomb: July 2010 June '12: Starting to piece back together - early stages.