A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out. Go to the new Divorce Busting® Store where you can sign up for Divorce Busting® Coaching and purchase Michele's Audios, Videos and eBooks that you can immediately download. Start taking the steps that will help you get your marriage back on track right away.
Page 8 of 10 < 1 2 ... 6 7 8 9 10 >
Topic Options
#2236194 - 04/07/12 05:30 PM Re: Hoping 4 [Re: YankeeCandle]
2chiquitos Offline
Member

Registered: 10/02/11
Posts: 1122
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
I'm sorry I haven't read your sitch.

*

i didn't know how to bring him "in".


Edited by dbmod (04/13/13 09:07 PM)
Edit Reason: Reference not recommended nor allowed.
_________________________
M 38 H 35
T7 (-2yrs separation)
S5 D2
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciling

Top
#2236240 - 04/07/12 09:42 PM Re: Hoping 4 [Re: 2chiquitos]
adinva Offline
Member

Registered: 09/06/11
Posts: 2775
Loc: VA
Thanks, I haven't read that, will check it out.
_________________________
Adinva 48 H48
T22 M19 S16 S14
6/15/11 IDLY
6/11-12/12 in-home sep
12/16/12 H moved out
Nothing signed yet
____
Be the change you want to see in the world (Gandhi)

Top
#2236438 - 04/09/12 03:56 AM Re: Hoping 4 [Re: YankeeCandle]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/11
Posts: 755
advina.. you know i admire your strength. it seems we are on similar paths at the moment.

i have been thinking to myself lately that i deserve more than what i am currently getting (which is nothing).

it's frustrating for sure. you have worked so hard to become a better woman while H has been happy not to change.

in the end, i know you will find happiness. because you are a beautiful woman who has so much to offer. hope your H wakes up in time!
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

Top
#2237178 - 04/11/12 04:09 PM Re: Hoping 4 [Re: barely floating]
adinva Offline
Member

Registered: 09/06/11
Posts: 2775
Loc: VA
Oh barely, I've been basking in your kind words, thank you!

Thanks to all the others who dropped in too, it really means a lot to have your support.

So, I'm journaling a little again today. Nothing is new, just keeping a record.

H left for overseas on the 5th and he has not spoken with our kids since then. I've gotten two emails from him about my dataplan usage. I don't know what kind of a relationship he's going to have with those boys, and I'm sorry for that.

I made it through my business trip to Orlando, which was stressful because I couldn't figure out what to do with the kids. Before he left H said they'd be fine at home, to which ordinarily I'd express some kind of critical judgment. But instead I just looked up the law and determined that it's just flat out not legal to leave them overnight unattended yet. So I paid my sis $100 to come over and sleep here for the night. She lives out of state and works long hours so it was a big imposition on her but she was happy to do it and was super nice about it. It was kind of funny to get a call from her in the am, asking if it was ok to leave because she needed to get to work and couldn't get the kids to get out of bed. She said she tried hitting S11 in the head with a pillow but that didn't work. I was amused. I told her I had already talked to them about the fact that they'd be walking all the way to school if they missed their bus, and they knew it. She left. They got to school on time because I didn't get a call from school. I got home around 10:30pm last night and gave them hugs and kisses, went out to buy S14 a sandwich because he said he couldn't find anything he wanted for dinner. I miss them so when I'm away. I don't understand my H at all.

Of course, the kids could be calling him too. I'm trying not to orchestrate this. They don't seem to really be missing him or wanting to talk to him. He knows they're fine, they know he's fine. I seem to be the only one looking for connection.

When I read the posts on here from dads who are missing their kids or worrying about getting enough time with their kids, I wonder what's wrong with my family.
_________________________
Adinva 48 H48
T22 M19 S16 S14
6/15/11 IDLY
6/11-12/12 in-home sep
12/16/12 H moved out
Nothing signed yet
____
Be the change you want to see in the world (Gandhi)

Top
#2237182 - 04/11/12 04:19 PM Re: Hoping 4 [Re: adinva]
adinva Offline
Member

Registered: 09/06/11
Posts: 2775
Loc: VA
Oh yeah and 2tp I now understand how you felt in Spain about seeing loving couples all around. The airport is a terrible place to spend any time. PDA everywhere you turn.
_________________________
Adinva 48 H48
T22 M19 S16 S14
6/15/11 IDLY
6/11-12/12 in-home sep
12/16/12 H moved out
Nothing signed yet
____
Be the change you want to see in the world (Gandhi)

Top
#2237269 - 04/11/12 08:35 PM Re: Hoping 4 [Re: adinva]
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1692
Originally Posted By: adinva
Oh yeah and 2tp I now understand how you felt in Spain about seeing loving couples all around. The airport is a terrible place to spend any time. PDA everywhere you turn.


An in your face reminder of what we don't have. Really stinks!
_________________________
Me48 W50 S15 S11
M20 T23
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

Top
#2237289 - 04/11/12 10:57 PM Re: Hoping 4 [Re: adinva]
NLW Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/11
Posts: 1288
Hi Advina,

Originally Posted By: adinva

When I read the posts on here from dads who are missing their kids or worrying about getting enough time with their kids, I wonder what's wrong with my family.


I know how you feel.

I've been thinking about how my H can have so little contact with the kids that he previously appeared to love so much.

Thinking back on it, I believe he was checking out of the 'dad' role for several months before he actually left. Just the same way that he was checking out of the husband role way before he dropped the bomb.

They become someone else - in my H's case, a 20-year-old who has gone back to friends and activities that he had before he even met me.

He isn't a dad anymore, he's this 'free' 20-year-old. The kids aren't his, they're 'mine' in his eyes. He's re-building his life as if we weren't in it - certainly not in the roles of 'wife' and 'children'.

Of course he still has to do things with the kids from time to time, but it's becoming increasingly awkward if these things involve anything other than an activity that allows him to be the playful 'older brother'.

Top
#2237347 - 04/12/12 02:50 AM Re: Hoping 4 [Re: NLW]
ces67 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 1024
Sorry A, but you do have your relationship with your kids and that is within your control. It is sad and wrong that he is not engaged with them. Hopefully some day he will realize that. Unfortunately, it most likely will not be you that can he him see that. Life will have to be his teacher.

Enjoy your boys and plan stuff with them even when your h is around. Could be after a while he will feel like he is missing something and re-engage. If not, well you are still building memories with your kids! Take care of you.
_________________________
Me:45, W:44
S:15, D:12
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
2 attempts at MC-stopped 09/13
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms

Top
#2237391 - 04/12/12 12:30 PM Re: Hoping 4 [Re: ces67]
adinva Offline
Member

Registered: 09/06/11
Posts: 2775
Loc: VA
Thanks CES, I needed to hear that.
_________________________
Adinva 48 H48
T22 M19 S16 S14
6/15/11 IDLY
6/11-12/12 in-home sep
12/16/12 H moved out
Nothing signed yet
____
Be the change you want to see in the world (Gandhi)

Top
#2237413 - 04/12/12 02:13 PM Re: Hoping 4 [Re: adinva]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8871
Loc: Sonoran Desert
I think men are better able to compartmentalize than we are, just as women in general are better at multi-tasking (hate that word).
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

Top
Page 8 of 10 < 1 2 ... 6 7 8 9 10 >


Moderator:  dbmod, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004