I'm sorry I haven't read your sitch.

*

i didn't know how to bring him "in".

Thanks, I haven't read that, will check it out.

advina.. you know i admire your strength. it seems we are on similar paths at the moment.

i have been thinking to myself lately that i deserve more than what i am currently getting (which is nothing).

it's frustrating for sure. you have worked so hard to become a better woman while H has been happy not to change.

in the end, i know you will find happiness. because you are a beautiful woman who has so much to offer. hope your H wakes up in time!

Oh barely, I've been basking in your kind words, thank you!

Thanks to all the others who dropped in too, it really means a lot to have your support.

So, I'm journaling a little again today. Nothing is new, just keeping a record.

H left for overseas on the 5th and he has not spoken with our kids since then. I've gotten two emails from him about my dataplan usage. I don't know what kind of a relationship he's going to have with those boys, and I'm sorry for that.

I made it through my business trip to Orlando, which was stressful because I couldn't figure out what to do with the kids. Before he left H said they'd be fine at home, to which ordinarily I'd express some kind of critical judgment. But instead I just looked up the law and determined that it's just flat out not legal to leave them overnight unattended yet. So I paid my sis $100 to come over and sleep here for the night. She lives out of state and works long hours so it was a big imposition on her but she was happy to do it and was super nice about it. It was kind of funny to get a call from her in the am, asking if it was ok to leave because she needed to get to work and couldn't get the kids to get out of bed. She said she tried hitting S11 in the head with a pillow but that didn't work. I was amused. I told her I had already talked to them about the fact that they'd be walking all the way to school if they missed their bus, and they knew it. She left. They got to school on time because I didn't get a call from school. I got home around 10:30pm last night and gave them hugs and kisses, went out to buy S14 a sandwich because he said he couldn't find anything he wanted for dinner. I miss them so when I'm away. I don't understand my H at all.

Of course, the kids could be calling him too. I'm trying not to orchestrate this. They don't seem to really be missing him or wanting to talk to him. He knows they're fine, they know he's fine. I seem to be the only one looking for connection.

When I read the posts on here from dads who are missing their kids or worrying about getting enough time with their kids, I wonder what's wrong with my family.

Oh yeah and 2tp I now understand how you felt in Spain about seeing loving couples all around. The airport is a terrible place to spend any time. PDA everywhere you turn.

An in your face reminder of what we don't have. Really stinks!

Hi Advina,



I know how you feel.

I've been thinking about how my H can have so little contact with the kids that he previously appeared to love so much.

Thinking back on it, I believe he was checking out of the 'dad' role for several months before he actually left. Just the same way that he was checking out of the husband role way before he dropped the bomb.

They become someone else - in my H's case, a 20-year-old who has gone back to friends and activities that he had before he even met me.

He isn't a dad anymore, he's this 'free' 20-year-old. The kids aren't his, they're 'mine' in his eyes. He's re-building his life as if we weren't in it - certainly not in the roles of 'wife' and 'children'.

Of course he still has to do things with the kids from time to time, but it's becoming increasingly awkward if these things involve anything other than an activity that allows him to be the playful 'older brother'.

Sorry A, but you do have your relationship with your kids and that is within your control. It is sad and wrong that he is not engaged with them. Hopefully some day he will realize that. Unfortunately, it most likely will not be you that can he him see that. Life will have to be his teacher.

Enjoy your boys and plan stuff with them even when your h is around. Could be after a while he will feel like he is missing something and re-engage. If not, well you are still building memories with your kids! Take care of you.

Thanks CES, I needed to hear that.

I think men are better able to compartmentalize than we are, just as women in general are better at multi-tasking (hate that word).