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FIL came over to visit. this is actually the first time FIL and i have been alone since the bomb. we use to have these long chats all the time. since the bomb.. whenever he came over, he would be w/ his gf. anyway.. it was.. interesting.
he asked how i was doing and i said.. alright. he then asked how i was really doing.. i said.. alright. i had asked him to watch the kids the weekend of retrouvaille and today he asked a bit more. he told me he had been wanting to speak w/ me alone for quite some time and had been waiting for this moment. told me i had to be strong. he just held my hand.
FIL told me he was very disappointed in H and that he has asked him what was going on. H had apparently told him that he needed "H time". FIL told me he said.. that time was gone. now it was S, D, and W time. that he had a beautiful little family.. i know FIL has been very hurt in all this. i didn't say much because i didn't feel it was in my place. i'm not responsible for H's relationship w/ his father and it's definitely not my job to make it worse.
before this conversation.. FIL was talking about MIL and how he still likes to talk w/ her etc. but that he knew they would not get back together anymore. i asked him if he was happy (since he's been w/ this new woman for a couple of years now) and he said.. no. he regrets having left MIL and feels he moved in w/ this new woman too quickly... sigh.
you know, it was just really nice to know that someone in his family was thinking about us and praying for us.
tonight when S called H, i overheard him asking why H doesn't live with us anymore and how he wanted him to stay here with us. i heard H say it was a really difficult question to answer. afterwards, H txted asking if he could take S to school again tomorrow. i had to tell him that S was quite upset today and H guessed why. i felt very upset thinking about how S cried today so when H asked if he could take S to school more often i said i wasn't prepared to talk about it right now since i was feeling very upset. H just said it must be very upsetting to hear all this.
i'm sad tonight. not necessarily because of the demise of my M but at the consequences surrounding it. does that make any sense? i'm sad and having to deal w/ financial issues.. sad about talks of visitation.. and mostly sad at what my babies are having to experience. everything i had feared when the bomb dropped regarding their pain.. it's just so ignorant to say that lots of kids survive divorce. yes.. and people survive child abuse.. rape.. doesn't mean i want it for my kids. so irritated!
on a side note.. i'm ok. i'm irritated.. but i'm ok. i'm not going down tonight! lol
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
Wow, lots of threads! Yes it's still windy here. In Birch Bay. We have a patio heater he bought in Sept. Like resturants have. it's strapped to the house on the top. Totally tipped over onto deck railing. Oh well. What's up with his living arrangements?
Interesting talk with FIL. How can H. not get it? Your kids especially. I'm sitting here tonite surrounded by boxes, feeling like the settlement is unfair, going to have to go to a financial divorce guy, because my money is going to run out when I'm 67. And he is ok with all that. He's going to be sitting pretty, because he came into marriage with alot of $. Our "golden years". He won't even work on it, throwing it out. Damn, these WAS's, so frustrating. They don't even know what they could have, because we ARE different, we have grown.
Barely, I'm sorry if I talk too much about what I'm going thru and not giving you support on your thread. I should save that for my thread. One thing I'm trying to get better at - it's not all about me.
I'd guess your FIL has already given some of that same info about how he feels to your H. Its probably just a seed of an idea and my guess is your H is fighting against that idea because it contradicts what he wants to do. But who knows. plants grow in some tough situations.
I'm sorry for your kids too. It has to be hard to see them hurt. I found an old picture recently. It was of my D with her very first skinned up knee. She's holding her paint leg up with this sad face showing her wound. I felt all the sadness again of seeing her hurt. Its just a little thing but as a parent, I so often want to protect my kids from pain. This is especially true when that pain is inflicted by someone else's choices.
There's a verse that just came to mind. 1st Peter 4:8. It says, "most of, love each other deeply as if your life depended on it. Love makes up for practicaly anything."
Most of my life I've looked at this as the different between a "heart for God" meaning we live our lives from a place of love and gratitude vs. keeping a checklist of our good deeds trying to earn our place.
When I read your posts, I also that that the love you show your kids will cover up so much of the struggles they will face through this difficult time. Your love will give them the strength, courage and ability to grow and love as well. It won't take away the pain but you give them the best gift they will ever have.
Me:43, W:42 S:14, D:10 M:20, T:23 Bomb: July 2010 June '12: Starting to piece back together - early stages.
(((bf))) I know inside you must be in turmoil but you handle everything so beautifully, with such strength.
This was so good asked if he could take S to school more often i said i wasn't prepared to talk about it right now since i was feeling very upset. H just said it must be very upsetting to hear all this.
Your babies are lucky to have you!
Today is not my day to quit, either!
Me 56/H 56 M 34/T 37 S 23 away at college S 20 at home in college Bomb #1 11/09 Bomb #2 3/11 He moved out 3/11
bb - you're so strong and full of wisdom. It's so hard, what you are struggling with, you and your kids.
You're lucky your FIL is there for you, that will help in the long run no matter how it turns out with H. Your kids will have a loving Gdad in their lives and that has to help.
The part about the kids pain. That is truly tough to deal with, however noone is better equipped as a loving Mom to do that than you. You're the best bb! It will be hard on them but they will grow up knowing what true love and committment is because of you. I saying this because I lived it like them and know its possible with a loving Mom like yourself.
You're strong and tough and you will make it, and you have those that love you so when you don't want to be strong or tough that day then they will be there for you all the way.
this is sort of how i feel. sitting in the middle of the ocean.. wondering which way i'm headed next. only time will tell.
Wherever you are headed BF you will be heading there with your beautiful children and all of us here are along for the ride as well.
I try to trust that the Universe has something better in store for me in the future and that this lesson I'm learning is needed and an opportunity to become who I want to become. Of course that perspective gets lost constantly due to the variables of our sitch.