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#2231699 - 03/19/12 08:42 AM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: rickb89]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7830
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Sorry to hear about the neighbor boy. Children and catastrophic illness is always so hard. But they do amazing things these days.
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


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#2231711 - 03/19/12 09:22 AM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: rickb89]
Autumn Leaves Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 568
Loc: Pennsylvania
Oh my!! I am terribly sorry for your neighbors son. That has to be so frightening for all. It also gives me some perspective. As tough as this is, I am thankful for my healthy children and will hug them a little tighter next time I see them.

Hang in there Bklyn!!
_________________________
-Autumn


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#2232811 - 03/23/12 08:42 AM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: Autumn Leaves]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7830
Loc: Sonoran Desert
How are you, Bklyn?
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


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#2232815 - 03/23/12 09:12 AM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: labug]
sayitaintso Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/11
Posts: 951
Miss u BK, what's up?
_________________________
Me- 34 W-33
S15 S10 S6
Married- 11 Together- 18
Bomb- 6-2011
WAW moves out- 8-2011

"Nothing in the Universe can stop you from letting go and starting over at anytime"- Guy Finley

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#2233071 - 03/24/12 04:40 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: sayitaintso]
BklynMom Offline
Member

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 1603
Hi All, I have been working like crazy recently and taking care of the rwo little ones. Its nuts and a mess around here. Been loving work. All the self help I have done over the past several months has made me so much better and more relaxed at work. I take things much less personally and just do the best I can.

Monday through Friday generally I feel pretty good. Actually I guy a work told me the other day that my eyes were beautiful. I think he was trying to get something out of me but still it felt good.

I also have been able to open up more in the work enviornment telling old friends that H and I are having serious issues or even saying that we are separated. I still have a hard time saying we have split cause I really want to just say H left me. One thing I am noticing is that everyone just assumes he left me anyway for another woman no matter how I phrase it.

Spent this morning having several interactions with H. Its mostly aweful. My kids hate going from house to house and their are always questions and crying. I had to excuse myself at one point and cry for a minute in the bathroom. Seeing how he is hurting my kids its hard to DB and act loving. I am as gracious as I can be and dont yell or say things like "Wow, OW must be really good in bed for you to be okay with making your kids cry like this" But this is horrible. Painful is an understatement.

The kids crying doesnt seem to phase him. Looking forward to having the day and half to myself. This place needs a major clean up and I plan to work out, watch a movie, catch up on the boards and sleep.
_________________________
----
M 37
H 34
D3,D2
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Served 5/2/12


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#2233082 - 03/24/12 05:59 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: BklynMom]
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1692
Hey BK! It's been awhile. Really good to hear you doing so well on the work front. It must feel good to have that distraction from the daily reminder of your sitch!

Did you ever figure out the separation anxiety issue with the kids? I think you had at one point been considering counseling for them. How did that work out?

I don't know what to tell you about your H. Maybe one day he'll figure it out. Let's hope so at least. In the meantime, I actually think it is healthy for you to share with others the fact that you and H are not living together.

I believe that the mere verbalizing of this helps you in your need to detach. Be careful to only share what is necessary for others to understand your current predicament. Just try to avoid the more intimate details as it can become real dicey if you then find yourself piecing things back together. Just remember the fewer tings said, the better.

Does this make sense?
_________________________
Me48 W50 S15 S11
M20 T23
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

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#2233156 - 03/25/12 09:58 AM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: 2thepoint]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7830
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Quote:
Spent this morning having several interactions with H. Its mostly aweful.


That must be very hard for you. Do you have to have these interactions with him? Can you think of a way you can decrease this stress on you?
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


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#2233167 - 03/25/12 12:21 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: labug]
BklynMom Offline
Member

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 1603
2tp - I havent taken the girls to C. The therapist that my H and I saw regarding co-parenting didnt think that was necessary at this point. I totally hear what you are saying about not saying too much and honestly I been very good about that when telling collegues and aquaintances at work. I usually say H and I are going through some hard times and just leave it at that. However almost every person I am vague with about our sitch says "Does he have a girlfriend??" Its very ironic in some ways, cause my husband thinks he is Mr. Nice Guy and no one would ever think he has a OW but yet its the first thing everyone asks. My response to the question is "I have no idea"

Labug, my kids are babies and the little one isnt even in daycare yet. I dont see a realistic way to avoid these hand offs. Half the time we make the transition from my house to his we do it at the playground which is generally better. Also its easier to pretend this is honky dory in public. Weather and logistics sometimes prevent the outside hand off.

My H likes to pretend that this is A-okay but its not. The girls ask why cant mommy come with them and my H usually says something cockamayme like I need to watch the cats. Its aweful. My girls love us both so much.

Yesterday I asked D3 to "look for the shoes in mommys room" she said in front of my H "no its mommy-daddy room". H just ignores like he does the fact that the girls are hurting.

I do try to pray for him even though sometimes I see him as a monster.
_________________________
----
M 37
H 34
D3,D2
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Served 5/2/12


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#2233189 - 03/25/12 03:19 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: BklynMom]
purgatory Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 825
Loc: Virginia
It's so hard not to say something to the H when they ignore the obvious pain/confusion that the babies are suffering with. Mine denies that S6's recent behavior issues at school have anything to do with him not living in the house and being inconsistent with the kids.

I really think they dont want to acknowledge that their actions are effecting the kids- too much hassle to admit it and do something to fix it- do they make excuses or ignore.... And *we* the LBS are left to deal the fallout.

I still pray for my H too- even though I think of him as a monster sometimes. It shows that you still have compassion for him even through all the pain he's causing you.
Bklyn, I admire your continued strength.
_________________________
M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12

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#2233203 - 03/25/12 05:36 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: purgatory]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7830
Loc: Sonoran Desert
I guess I didn't understand the several interactions being the handover of the kids.
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


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