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#2233399 - 03/26/12 01:57 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: labug]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Brklyn Babe - haven't been on the boards for a while. I have been doing pretty good though and hoping same for you.

How's Clarence and the gilrs?

The part about how your H doesn't see the obvious impact H is having on the kids seems to be very common. They can't face it at all. My W cannot face it either and is in complete denial of the affects of her choices, and two of the kids are 24 and 21. Utter self deception caused by extreme fear.

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#2233555 - 03/26/12 10:40 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: rickb89]
BklynMom Offline
Member

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 1753
I have been working so much lately and its so easy to be carefree while at work. I feel like I perform better at work cause I dont let the little things at work bother me anymore. Sometimes I think being at work kind of stuffs my feelings and doesnt give me the time I need to feel sad. I guess I just need to find a balance between being distracted and grieving.

I wish my girls would just stop growing cause right now they are too darn cute. its insane. Clarence the cat is up to the usual, waking me up at 4am with his meows.

My MIL will be in town Thursday and Friday to watch the girls. I know she will speak to H as well. Dont think that will matter. He is an alien.

You never know when the miracle will happen. Its in Gods hands.
_________________________
----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13


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#2233560 - 03/26/12 10:46 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: BklynMom]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
I guess we struggle to get to the state of mind of acceptance, letting go, leaving our own agendas out of it, and moving forward without our spouses, not knowing if our M's will continue.

Easy huh?

Keep going Brklyn Babe!

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#2233562 - 03/26/12 10:47 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: BklynMom]
purgatory Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 825
Loc: Virginia
Such wise (yet simple) words: "It's in God's hands"

I have to remind myself of this all the time, especially when I don't understand what's happening in the sitch.

I wish kids would stop growing at the peak of cuteness too! I really hate that their innocence and carefree view of life might be jeopardized by my H's choice to leave- they don't deserve it.

Enjoy your MIL's visit!!
_________________________
M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12

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#2233670 - 03/27/12 10:56 AM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: purgatory]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Brklyn Babe - CES said something along the lines of let the lord fight for you - just stand still. Also, let go, let god. Not everyone is of the same religion but I think beyond those demarcations is the true creator, so you can let the universe lead.

Hope your okay today! Say hi to Clarence for me!

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#2234054 - 03/28/12 07:05 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: rickb89]
BklynMom Offline
Member

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 1753
My mother-in-law coming tomorrow. She will do the hand off of the girls with me. I am kind of dreading it. It just feels like I am living a lie.

I am going act to so peachy and happy to my MIL but its a crock. I am so sad. I am sad for my kids. I am sad cause I lost my best friend. I am sad cause my H has lost his mind.
_________________________
----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13


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#2234065 - 03/28/12 08:03 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: BklynMom]
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1692
Who says you have to live a like with your MIL? Who says you have to act peachy and happy when you are hurting so much on the inside?

Maybe a dose of reality witnessed by someone who may be a little more sane than your WAS, would be a good thing?

So sorry you are sad and hurting! I wish there was more I could say.
_________________________
Me48 W50 S15 S11
M20 T23
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

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#2234070 - 03/28/12 08:21 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: 2thepoint]
BklynMom Offline
Member

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 1753
Thanks 2. I need to think about that. Your right she is not the one that crazy. She is very upset about H decision. I dont have to act like I am in mourning but I can be myself. And show her that its not all peachy keen.

Thanks for helping me think of that. Sometimes I am so afraid that I am going mess up DBing.
_________________________
----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13


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#2234089 - 03/28/12 10:26 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: BklynMom]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Just keep being honest with yourself Brklyn Babe, which I think you are very good at. That takes a lot of strength. Yes, theere's DB'ing but always start with the truth and trust that what is right always happens. You can never lose by being honest, by sharing truth, by creating love.

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#2234093 - 03/28/12 10:43 PM Re: Brooklyn Babe [Re: rickb89]
purgatory Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 825
Loc: Virginia
Be your authentic self with her (and everyone)... And if that means that at some point, you are sad- than so-be-it. You shouldn't have the extra stress of 'putting on a forced smile' to her.... If you end up laughing around with her, that's great too. If you use your energy to keep up appearances, you will loose out on using your energy to just be yourself (that sounded better in my head, I hope you get my point?)
I keep thinking of a scene in Xmen: First class. The blue chick (forgot her name) was working on a weight bench (struggling to get the weight up)- she was in her 'normal' girl form. Magnito walks in and tells her that she's using too much energy/strength on focusing to keep up her appearance. At this point she relaxes and her 'blue' self is revealed.... When she tried the weight again, she does it with no problem.

When you use too much effort (mental or physical) to present a certain appearance, you will loose your real 'strength' that allows you to do your everyday tasks.

When I visited my MIL, I cried a little with her and we had some fun times too. She actually told me that she saw me as the person that her son fell in love with (the best validation I've received for my changes) This is your chance to show her who you really are now, and perhaps she'll pass on her observations to H.
_________________________
M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12

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