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I really hate to say this, but he's not going to wake up any time soon.
I'm not surprised that he questioned you about his father speaking to you. MLCers do not like for use to speak to their family members (another controller). I think you handled the passing of the message very well. I am also not surprised that he's not going to call his father. My xh was the exact same way and to this day, doesn't call, write or visit w/his father's side of the family. In fact my xh hasn't been to a family funeral since 2004 when his mother passed away. There have been at least 4 family funeral since then. When the mlcer "freezes out" family and friends, it's pretty much a done deal for a long time. You did your best w/this one.
As for the phone call...yep, he wanted you to hear the conversation and he also wanted you to be very much aware that he's not going to tell you about it or invite you to go along...so, I wouldn't say one word to him about it. Eventually he will slip up and drop hints....listen, but don't take the bait and ask.
Any way you can make copies of the retirement information? You may need that information down the road. Also, do not put any of his memberships or anything else of his on your bank account! He is a big boy and if he's telling you to do this for your memberships, you can best believe he is not closing out credit cards...he is already beginning the stage of separating expenses...don't help him by taking on his "stuff". Be sure to keep copies of the credit statements and in a couple of months, call them and see if he's closed them out. My gut is telling me he's not closing them out.
He is in the "entitlement" mode and I agree w/you...you are going to see a whole lot of crazy behavior in the next couple of months. Whatever you do, do not react to it...try to keep calm and a level head w/this man. You need to put on your business hat and stay one step ahead of him w/the financial data.
Yeah... I've realized he's gonna be in Crazytown for a looong time, if not forever. The funny thing is I don't even know why he doesn't talk to his father, gee deep rooted issues that will get pushed down with everything else he is refusing to deal with I guess.... Of course his mommy can do wrong LMAO, and he talks to all of his siblings and friends.... well co-workers and shooting buddies, he doesn't have really many friends.
So, I did something to piss him off.... I knew it would, didn't care though.... he needs a dose of reality.... so he can throw a baby tantrum if he wants, I work with kids, I can deal. LOL His dad texted me today and finally told me what is going on with him, he said kidney problems, heart problems, etc, etc, and he just wants it all to be over. (I'm hoping I don't have to call a hotline for him). I told him not to give up. He said he misses his family including me, and he wants the pain to stop. He went on to say he's always thought of me as a daughter and thought I was the best thing to ever happen to his son...... so when I got home I had H read what he had texted me because he had asked what was wrong with him. H said I don't need to include him in our conversations, I said I was just showing you because you asked what all was wrong with him. H said he shouldn't have done that and to him his dad died a long time ago. I said that is your choice and I am sorry you feel that way, and I went back to "my" room. A few minutes later he came back to tell me there is pizza in the oven if I wanted any and he has passed the message along to his siblings. I thanked him for giving them the message and went back to what I was doing.
As far as the financial thing, now I'm all ticked off at myself for not thinking about making copies before. Is that essential??? It could be nearly impossible now..... and then there is the stuff he cashed out already and I don't have any of the cash out info from those because I'm sure he threw them away somewhere I wouldn't find them.
Also, interesting to note, as I type this I noticed his fathers phone numbers are not laying here next to the computer anymore...... hmmm..... perhaps he is sprouting a brain (yeah right).... or maybe one of his siblings is(again, yeah right).... I suppose anything is possible.
hrm, There is no harm in you keeping in contact w/his father. I wouldn't share any additional details of your conversations w/his father unless it is health related. I suspect that there are some very deep rooted issues between father and son that haven't come to light.
Any and all financial documents should be copied at this time. You need proof of what the two of you had, i.e., especially if he's cashing out retirement funds, etc. If you still have your credit cards, do not destroy them...hold on to them because you can always call to inquire about the balances yourself. If they are joint cards, he can't remove your name off of them if there is a balance. The only way that you won't have access to them is if he reports them lost/stolen and requests new account numbers and the balances transferred to the new accounts and does not provide you with new cards. I did this when my xh went crazy and went on a spending spree after he left.
Thanks snodderly... I will see what I can do about the making copies. Both of the credit cards are in his name only. I also have made an appointment to have a consult with a different lawyer.... there goes another $200 I don't have, meanwhile Mr. Selfish is already making room reservations for his big Vegas match in October (which of course doesn't include me).... living it up I guess.... yeah cause I'm so holding him back *rolling eyes*....... well as you can tell I'm not exactly in my happy place today..... grumpy...... and tired..... and emotionally exhausted..... wanna march out there and tell him to get the heck out because I deserve so much better than all of this.... but nooooo, I'm the sensible committed one.......
And he has increased phone conversations with mommmy...... evil bitch has her hand up the puppets ass making him dance, and filling his head with nonsense.... but hey whatever God's plan is.....guess it's for me to get my heart ripped out, try everything and still lose my dreams..... ok, ok I'm done with the depression stuff.... I'm sure I will be better tomorrow.... wow I'm such a downer today.....
snodderly~ Well, I did it.... my first attempt of smuggling out documents, making copies and returning them before he could find out... it was exhilarating! LOL I'm not used to having to be sneaky, but I think I did a good job of it, I was quite proud of myself.
Yep, I'd say he sure has run back to mommy.... but whatever. He needs to man up and call his father, (well all of his siblings do too!) before it is too late! But I know, that's his issue to deal with, hopefully he makes the right decision, but if not HE will have to live with it. I just wish he would let go of the replay edge and slip down to where he needs to be so he can work through his issues....
Anyway......T^2~ Tonight I will be mowing the lawn (whoo exciting, I know!) Tomorrow I am having breakfast with my sister, which will be nice, I don't see her much. I also plan on getting soil for my garden boxes and planting my seeds, so I'm super excited about that!!! Tomorrow is H's birthday.... so that should be interesting.... I don't know if it's very DB or not, but I got him a card and a gift.... I figured if this COULD
Well, lots of planting to do for me as well...I have 8 6ft X 10-12ft plots...:)...garage cleaning, all the usual house stuff. Maybe go for a hike or something...trying to be more laid-back and spontaneous, and with kids ya never know what will happen next....
There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly.-Buckminster Fuller
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Wow T you have a lot more planting to do then me! LOL Have fun with that! Hiking is always a great time.... very clearing for the head. Kids are always an adventure, don't have any of my own but have helped raise a lot of other peoples . Whatever you end up getting into I hope you have a blast! I'm going to be adventurous and go to a late movie with a friend tonight..... talk to you all later!