It's good to start putting yourself first for a change, isn't it?
Yes it is. I will admit, there was some guilt at first. I felt bad as I left her house knowing I wouldn't take up her invite. But I think that guilt was simply my programming from years of being her husband. Which while I still am it's in title only so I don't need to play a role for which I'm not getting headliner credit.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
On Friday I was there with the kids while they picked up their clothes. W and I were talking in her kitchen. She always has music playing off her iPod through a stereo. This rap song came on with swear words and what not so she gets this sheepish look and walks over and hits "forward", not wanting the kids to hear the song.
The next song comes on... I can't remember it's name but it's about a gal who leaves her guy and then by the time she comes back to her guy he's already moved on and she's left alone. I know the song because obviously it has spoken to me the last few months. I can see she recognizes it, rolls her eyes, sighs, and walks over and hits forward again. I just played dumb
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
W texted me this morning. I'm getting better at managing that. I was in a meeting and saw it was from her. They're almost never critical so I left it. Then I forgot about it until about an hour later when my phone reminded me. Oops.
When I looked I saw it was my W telling me she feels sick today and wanted to know if I could get off work early to come and watch the kids while she slept. W.. T.. F.. The sad part is that my first inclination, still, is to say "sure!" but this time I controlled myself. I thought about it for a little bit. Tried to balance my values. I opted for putting my work first and not getting the kids. Not so much because it was about rescuing or not rescuing her, but because the last half of last year was largely lost productivity-wise and I am making an effort to fix that. Lots of people's jobs (not to mention their housing or local economies) rely on me being creative and productive. I have to stop letting them down just because my own life started falling down around me.
So I texted her back that I couldn't. I also had the story of how she manipulated her XH when we first met running in the back of my head. I wasn't going to be that patsy.
And my W knows me... she texted back thanks for letting her know. But had to throw in a line that she hopes she can get enough sleep tomorrow so she's not sick on Thursday and has to skip S's field trip that she is chaperoning. She knows this type of line trips my guilt trigger. But I let it go and didn't respond. If she makes it to the field trip she does, if she doesn't she doesn't. S will be fine either way. He'll be upset initially but once there he'll forget about it. And if not... well... I can't insulate him from his mother forever.
I also thought about the fact that rarely do I get a text where she's not asking for something. Most are kid related and not requests. But those that aren't kid-related generally are. Never a "how you doing?" or "what's up". Once in a while a funny story or kid-related photo or comment. I'm not going to allow this to be a one-sided thing where I provide and she consumes.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
So I texted her back that I couldn't. I also had the story of how she manipulated her XH when we first met running in the back of my head. I wasn't going to be that patsy.
And my W knows me... she texted back thanks for letting her know. But had to throw in a line that she hopes she can get enough sleep tomorrow so she's not sick on Thursday and has to skip S's field trip that she is chaperoning. She knows this type of line trips my guilt trigger. But I let it go and didn't respond.
Good for you! You are definitely getting better at this as time goes on. Keep it up!
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
W texted me this morning. I'm getting better at managing that. I was in a meeting and saw it was from her. They're almost never critical so I left it. Then I forgot about it until about an hour later when my phone reminded me. Oops.
Detachment is good.
Next thing you know you'll be writing a script for a new hit TV show called, "Sh*t my WAW says."
^^^^^
