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Joined: Mar 2012
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PP,
The Diana Ross Playground is perfect. Does Wednesday work for you? I can be there any time, so let me know what time suits you best in the afternoon, and I'll be there with S4.

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Wednesday, April 4th is perfect. How about 3:15 PM? I will wear something that will help you identify me without giving away my physical description. More to come next week on that.


M: 39, H: 38
D: 4
Together: 19 Y
Married: 9 Y
Bomb #1: 11/04/11 (5 days b/f anniversary)
Bomb #2 and H left: 01/03/12 (day b/f my bday)
OW: confirmed, they live together already
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3:15 next Wednesday at that playground is perfect. My S wears glasses, and I am quite tall, you'll notice us. I'm so happy about this.

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Not sure how to interpret H's actions versus treatment of me. He on occasion goes into our bedroom to change his clothes, even throwing them down the laundry chute now and then. Aside from the big heap of stuff he took initially he takes one or two things at a time but sometimes leaves something else behind. About week or so ago he even took a shower in our bathroom after a haircut appt. He's super friendly with our D4, and continues to tell her he is leaving because he has to work (or the more insane story...going to the moon to get cheese.)

He signs the mortgage checks without much word about it. Although tonight he asked about the taxes and could he have his checkbook. I said that I didn't have his checks at the house and they were at the office. He asked me to bring home a couple of checks for him. Maybe he wants to start paying OW for his share of her rent, or maybe he wants to start squirreling away cash. Oh God, he is finally getting his brain in gear. This is going to get scary isn't it?

As for the way he interacts with me.... Sometimes he will say somethin to me as if I am new acquaintance and is pleasant, most times he scowls in my direction or ignores me like a lamp post. After much deep reflection and critical thinking about what I contributed to our marriage crisis and what he feels I have done to him (the I have been mean to him for our entire relationship) I have replaced the OCD control everything and everyone around me with relaxing nonchalance, the too casual appearance
with glam MILF look, the stern parenting with empathy, etc. Perhaps the little sign of receptiveness on his part are so subtle I don't see them but I worry that they aren't really there at all. Are my 180s too much, too little?

No guarantees, right?


M: 39, H: 38
D: 4
Together: 19 Y
Married: 9 Y
Bomb #1: 11/04/11 (5 days b/f anniversary)
Bomb #2 and H left: 01/03/12 (day b/f my bday)
OW: confirmed, they live together already
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 54
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Have an emergency question to DB. H asked for his checks last night. Do I ask him what they will be used for?!?!

Background: H and I maintain separate checking accounts and a shared savings. I have maintained all the financial transactions of our household even before we were married.

Since he is in MLC and living with OW I am DBing with a lot stacked against me. H also maintains his anger towards me. H taking checks is scary because I need his financial support. What scares me more is will he let OW start "taking care" of finances.

PLEASE HELP! ANY ADVICE???


M: 39, H: 38
D: 4
Together: 19 Y
Married: 9 Y
Bomb #1: 11/04/11 (5 days b/f anniversary)
Bomb #2 and H left: 01/03/12 (day b/f my bday)
OW: confirmed, they live together already
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,877
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I think they are his property and he's entitled to have them. Asking him what he wants them for - think about all the various ways this conversation could go, and whether any of them would really prevent anything. You should talk to a lawyer right away and find out how to protect yourself financially. You may need a formal separation agreement.


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.
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Agreed. The personal checking account checks are his (just like my personal checking account checks are mine,) but his liquidating the funds without justifiable cause or to hide money is also my business to know.

I know if I ask him anything it will all go very badly.


M: 39, H: 38
D: 4
Together: 19 Y
Married: 9 Y
Bomb #1: 11/04/11 (5 days b/f anniversary)
Bomb #2 and H left: 01/03/12 (day b/f my bday)
OW: confirmed, they live together already
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 45
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PP,

I would give him the checks. The accounts are marital property, if he "wastes" money (like spending on OW) he will be accountable for it in ED. You really want him to have the checks so its documented where the money is going. He could go to the bank right now and withdraw cash (and he has good reason, you took the checks!) and the spend the money and you not know where it is going. Its better for you that he has them.

CD

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That's why you should talk to a L. I'm in the same boat. My H is convinced that we will be divorcing, and he could be moving money for all I know. In my specific case, I don't believe he is and I don't feel like I would care very much if he did. I have a company and a support system and if I had to start over with nothing I could. So it's not worth it to me to get a formal separation agreement right now. In your case maybe you should.

Use lawyers to do the hard stuff rather than you implying that you think your H would steal from you. That's inflammatory coming from you, less so coming from a lawyer since it's more cut-and-dried to them. Normal process to them. I see on here a lot of people get mad at what the lawyers do and take it personally, but there's no way it could be more inflammatory that way than if you hold onto his personal checkbook because you fear he might steal what's rightfully yours. There's no way to say that directly that won't inflame your situation.


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 45
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In my previous post I didn't realize he had already moved out (just read back thread), when your settling ED in court it usually goes back to the separation date. In settlement talks both parties usually provide the information. If they don't and the other party does not trust them they usually have to file a court case (that enables to them to subpoena financial information). In any case you would usually be entitled to half the money in each other's accounts at that date.

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