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#2234108 - 03/29/12 05:17 AM Re: Dagnabit! [Re: rickb89]
zig Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 1855
Loc: KS
rick - do you mean where do i literally come from, as in which place - or where did what i write come from?

i am going to take the very brave step of assuming first that your question is a compliment? thank you - with a big grin and a bow

(one of the hardest things all my life was accepting a compliment, and now i'm not sure when it is one but i'm doing a 180 for myself and while laughing at myself abit accepting yours)

thank you:)

just like labug - i read pema chodron - repeatedly , and listen to her tapes. even though i know i have some memory issues, i swear every time i reread her books, its like i'm reading it for the first time on a completely different level

also, even though i don't post a lot, i read a lot of threads, and rick, i have never been so inspired in my life to be a better person until i read what all the brave wonderful people here write.

it's not just a roller coaster anymore - its a rolling stone - where each insight leads to the next and the next - and every time i get on here, something hits me when i read it - always always find something that helps me tremendously at just the right time that i need it.

so this place and the people here are teaching me to trust, and to be patient and to love and to be okay with myself

zig
_________________________
me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"


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#2234109 - 03/29/12 05:33 AM Re: Dagnabit! [Re: labug]
zig Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 1855
Loc: KS
I wasn't suicidal but I was dying a slow and unhappy death. I was simply going through the motions of living life, too afraid of losing "control" to love, to have fun, to enjoy the beautiful things this life has to offer.

are you, like, my twin or something?


Pain happens, it's a part of life but the more I hide from pain the more I miss the good things life has to offer. I controlled in order to keep pain and hurt at bay. By putting up a wall around the vulnerable part of me, I also walled out joy, happiness, love...


something i've been thinking about recently - that h is mirroring now what i was until i woke up. your words above fit me so well until the bomb, and now they fit h so well....

i'm glad you picked that book up again. i am rereading 'The wisdom of no escape" again after several months and the chapter on renunciation really is relevant now. it's like you said - only ready to absorb it when you're ready to do it

i'm sure in a few months when i read it agin, it will be from a very different place.

learning to trust the path and not the goal - i'm just starting to realize is the point and what i should aim for, and in doing that the goal becomes irrelevant.

one thing to know it and write it down, quite another to practice it from second to second.

i love that you quoted here, and shared with all of us. each moment that i am functioning from a compassionate place, is one more moment that i am my higher self
_________________________
me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"


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#2234146 - 03/29/12 01:31 PM Re: Dagnabit! [Re: zig]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 9301
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Thanks, zig, I would love to be your sister!
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she
could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful
~Terri St. Cloud

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#2234152 - 03/29/12 01:52 PM Re: Dagnabit! [Re: labug]
sayitaintso Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/11
Posts: 951
Originally Posted By: labug
Thanks everyone for your insight and helping me dig deeper. The stuff in the garage is a dead issue for now.

I posted a bit on ces's thread about why I've continued on my path of being married but not in a marriage. I've been separated for over a year with very minimal contact with H and most people ask, "WHY?"

The bomb was the catalyst for me to wake up and save my life. No, I wasn't suicidal but I was dying a slow and unhappy death. I was simply going through the motions of living life, too afraid of losing "control" to love, to have fun, to enjoy the beautiful things this life has to offer.

Today I started re-reading When Things Fall Apart(Chodron) and am so happy I picked it up again. I first read it in the month or 2 after the bomb and it was difficult for me because I wasn't ready to face impermanence or contemplate letting go.

I opened the book to a random page and read this: "Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us."

I read that over and over, even highlighted it.

In the course of this year I have had to face my fear, my anger, my guilt, my shame, again and again. I've learned to accept those feelings as a part of me, but they are not me. Feel it, accept it, move on.

Pain happens, it's a part of life but the more I hide from pain the more I miss the good things life has to offer. I controlled in order to keep pain and hurt at bay. By putting up a wall around the vulnerable part of me, I also walled out joy, happiness, love...

From the book: "...things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy."


Amazing Post Bug, really resonates w/ me!!!!

Regarding your h's things, this is what you told me when I was dealing with a similar situation.

Bug- Why not just say: "Pick a day and come over and get some things"?

I know the circumstance is different and you have already moved beyond this issue but it goes to the point you made that we are befuddled by every little thought, sign, and action of our own sitch (at least I have been) yet we are able to see things much clearer when other people are going through similar things.

You are AWESOME!!
_________________________
Me- 34 W-33
S15 S10 S6
Married- 11 Together- 18
Bomb- 6-2011
WAW moves out- 8-2011

"Nothing in the Universe can stop you from letting go and starting over at anytime"- Guy Finley

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#2234160 - 03/29/12 02:18 PM Re: Dagnabit! [Re: sayitaintso]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 9301
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Regarding your h's things, this is what you told me when I was dealing with a similar situation.

SIAS, yes, the similarity was not lost on me! wink

Many times I respond to issues with other threads because I am working out the same things.

Thanks for the kind words and thoughts.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she
could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful
~Terri St. Cloud

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#2234300 - 03/30/12 01:40 AM Re: Dagnabit! [Re: labug]
adinva Online
Member

Registered: 09/06/11
Posts: 2806
Loc: VA
Hi labug - I hope you had a fun and peaceful day today!
_________________________
Adinva 48 H49
T25 M21 S16 S14
6/15/11 IDLY
6/11-12/12 in-home sep
12/16/12 H moved out
Nothing signed yet
____
Happiness is a warm puppy.

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#2234393 - 03/30/12 03:12 PM Re: Dagnabit! [Re: adinva]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Zig - glad that you can accept compliments, which it is BTW.

Bugsy - I have to check out this author - Chodon. I keep rereading your post up above..it's one of the great ones - so helpful.

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#2234402 - 03/30/12 03:39 PM Re: Dagnabit! [Re: labug]
Grmpy_Mnky Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/11
Posts: 524
Loc: MS
I wasn't suicidal but I was dying a slow and unhappy death. I was simply going through the motions of living life, too afraid of losing "control" to love, to have fun, to enjoy the beautiful things this life has to offer.


I can recall with tremendous frustration trying to convey this to my W. Despite my repeated attempts, I could not find the words and it just kept getting worse and it destroyed me. I was very close to the "end." I've seen so many parallels with the two of us Bug. I'm so happy you have recognized this behavior, because you have helped me in turn - thanks! wink
_________________________
Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.

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#2234813 - 04/02/12 04:33 AM Re: Dagnabit! [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
zig Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 1855
Loc: KS
hey labug - thought i'd check in and see how you are doing.

hope all is well

zig
_________________________
me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"


Top
#2234815 - 04/02/12 04:56 AM Re: Dagnabit! [Re: zig]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 9301
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Hi zig, thanks for checking. Worked a lot this weekend so not much new but will post something tomorrow.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she
could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful
~Terri St. Cloud

Top
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