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If anything you might just get sick of the BS, and the worry and the stress and say hey this isn't so bad, I'm me, I got this great kid, my health, friends, tons of good stuff to do everywhere.

"F" worrying about the lawyers, enjoy your life

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Originally Posted By: Crimson
LA - No one that really knows me would think I would smudge. I do NOT fit the profile, if such a thing exists. However, I am deadly serious about making changes in my life and how I do things - and part of that is being open to different/new things that reside outside of my normal realm.

GAL has been a bit slow, 25 - I need to pick back up again. I have plans with a friend for later this week.

Crimson


2 things...first as to GAL in your area, like Gabby says, it's important. There's a reason we hammer it here.

It shows your w a new you and anything that is less predictable about you means you are changing. It tends to support the concept of change in YOU.

Plus you are a happier person b/c of that. You obsess less and go negative a lot less.

YOU NEED TO GAL more than most given your choice of behaviors when you don't GAL

Second, as for where you live...um, excuse me? I lived in the interior of Alaska, which has a temp range of the 90's in the summer to -60'F in the winter.

That's 150' difference...and there were 40k people in an area the size of Virigina. And I had a newborn when we moved there so she was never more than 3...

I GAL so you can.


Working out, getting in shape, seeing a C, taking some AD's, using a tanning bed (don't recommend that for all)

learned to shoot, hunt and fish

learned to cross country ski, honed my downhill skiing, snowmachined (snowmobiling to you lower 48 types)

took flying lessons and got my pilot's license.

Took an Italian cuisine class, a French conversation class, a pottery class

and volunteered at the women's shelter.

Joined a writer's group.

Auditioned for community theater and got cast and met cool people.

My love for theater had been suppressed when I became a L b/c it seemed frivolous... But the joy it provided made me pursue a master's in theater later on when we moved west. I would not have known that if I had not GAL.

I Did stand up comedy (I still do and now I write jokes for comics and actually get paid for it)

Some of what I did lead me to discover things about myself I would NOT have known if I had not pushed myself out there.

Lead to some career changes too. (Oh, and I looked good.)

this list^^^ is not exhaustive but it is illustrative.

Join something, go to meetings, MEET new people who have nothing to do with you being married or sep

just Crimson interests...

please, you'd be doing yourself a favor and you'd bring more interesting stuff to the table as a mate.

Don't know how else to stress the importance of this.


((( )))


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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25 - in honor of you, I put this reflection as my FB status -

*************
Good piece of advice I got from a friend a few weeks ago that has been stuck in my head: "It is pointless to argue the past with someone you love, you will never agree. Two witnesses to the same car wreck will often disagree. The past serves two core purposes - 1.) loving memories, 2.) lessons learned." The more you know......
**************

It's haunting because that one little piece of advice could have saved me a ton of angst over the years. I will never forget this ^^^^^^^.

As for getting a life, I do need to get back on track there. I think I am struggling with a bit of social shyness that I need to get beyond. Need to break the ice a bit. People that know me would never believe that - but it is quite true. I will try to do something brave and new this coming week. Hold me to that. smile

As for the tanning beds....not an issue, and it ain't because of the blazing desert sun! wink

Crimson

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Crimson - you're a b-ball fan right? Why no go play some pickup ball? I meet great people that way...total strangers. Get your kid one of those mini-hoops and show him what he needs to know!

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Originally Posted By: rickb89
Crimson - you're a b-ball fan right? Why no go play some pickup ball? I meet great people that way...total strangers. Get your kid one of those mini-hoops and show him what he needs to know!

Fan of the game - especially on the college level, but I am a terrible player. To be from the state of Indiana, well over 6 feet and terrible at basketball is punishable by death in the Hoosier State. Hence, I left. (: Ironically, though prior to your post yesterday I DID buy my son a mini-hoop for the backyard for his 2nd birthday.

So I dropped s off at w's condo yesterday after work. That never really gets easy to do. Hung out at the condo for about 20 minutes shooting the breeze with w and then took off. The first 5 minutes of that drive really blow - the separation if pretty obvious in that moment.

My w had given me a silver necklace of hers on Sunday with a very fine chain that had a nasty knot in it for me to fix. Over the years with her I have actually gotten pretty good at that repair. I fixed it and dropped it off yesterday with S.

Later than night w texted me saying "Thanks for fixing my necklace. My floors are clean now. I am very self conscious you might judge that I don't clean enough".

Funny thing is, I neither noticed nor commented on her floors or anything else at her place - looked fine to me, and moreover, I wasn't looking to adjudicate anything. Rather than ask WTH she was talking about (old Crimson), I said "I know it's hard to believe given my past, but I don't pay attention to that much these days. You should see MY place right now - it's a mess". Which really is true. Hoping she took that to heart. But it DID make me aware of the fact that historically even if I didn't MEAN to do it, she felt as though I was running a white-glove test on everything she did around the house. Real or not, I am really working to change (180) that perception. I DO tend to be a bit too neat at times.

Anyhoooo - onward and upward.

Crimson

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I guess what I am wondering about in the above ^^^^ is why would she even care to bring her floors up? What's the need to for her to tell me she cleaned her floors? Even if she thought I WAS looking at them - why does MY opinion of her place matter to her right now???

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Hmm, maybe trying to bait you into an argument?


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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GM you described my W above. She would always re check everything that I did including me washing my own dish or measuring trees that I planted. Really makes one feel inferior especially if you already have inefiriority issues.


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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Crimbo - I am giving you a hallpass for one full week of fun only and freedom from worry! The fine print says you have to tell us only the things that were fun and uplifting!

If you start giving your kid the fine points now we'll see him out there someday in the finals. If you start showing him now, in about three years you guys can play one on one. Your height advantage negated by your lack of bball game!

Indiana huh? have you made a pilgrimage to French Lick? Being from Boston that's kind of a holy place for us.

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In need of some guidance/direction/advice here. Not sure if I am detached enough to look at this objectively.

So s turns 2 on Friday. I have decided to take the day off. W has day off as well and her mother is going to be in town (my relationship with her is good still). W tells me today that Friday morning they (w and mil) are going to take him to a train park in town. I ask if it's OK if I go - w seems reluctant and does not give a "yes". She basically says she'll have to see what her mom wants to do when she gets here. After the call, I texted her and said "It's not a problem, I don't have to go to the train park". She texts back "I want his grandma to have his undivided attention. She is only here for the weekend". I pulled a MAJOR "act as if" and said "No problem at all - I am sure you guys will have a lot of fun!".

I guess W, MIL and SIL will be going to another park later in the day with him to do the birthday celebration (cake, gifts). THAT I am allowed to go to - which is fine. I have gone out of my way to NOT try to interfere with my wife's plans or take control of what is going on.

My heart hurts because I really wanted to spend more quality time with my son on his birthday - that's why I took off work. I will be able to see him at the second "park event" but I am guessing that is all I will get.

I feel like I am missing a lot of cool events. Thanksgiving fell on w's custody day, she set the rules for when I could see him. Ditto on Christmas. Now his birthday falls on her custody day and I feel as if I am being limited to when I can see him. I feel if roles were reversed that she would feel the same way I do.

I'm his father - not some random. Am I being too sensitive here? If that is the case, please bring on the 2x4's. I feel like she has an ideal picture of what the day should be like and my presence would just hose it up. I get that she wants her mom to have his attention - but am I that big of a distraction? The kid is turning 2 - loud noises still get his attention!

I feel like I am being closed-out as a father.

Crimson

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