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#2234504 - 03/30/12 11:08 PM Re: Death of a "nice guy" [Re: ces67]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/11
Posts: 750
Are you all going? W included? It does sound like a really good weekend. I hope you guys have fun!
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

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#2234516 - 03/31/12 12:21 AM Re: Death of a "nice guy" [Re: ces67]
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1692
Quote:
W has been nicer this week than typical. Just little things. Several "thank you's" where there are typically none. And less combatative in general. Not sure what is causing it but I will keep up the acts of service stuff and see how it plays out over the next few weeks.


I think if you can pinpoint why the change in demeanor and attitude it will help you to do more of it.

I'm glad she is at least being being civil. Maybe hold off on the tee shirt for now wink
_________________________
Me48 W50 S15 S11
M20 T23
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

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#2234579 - 03/31/12 11:47 AM Re: Death of a "nice guy" [Re: 2thepoint]
ces67 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 980
BF, yes we are all going. I left it open ended and did not specifically invite her. She just assumed she was included and I didn't argue.

2- I agree. I'll swallow my pride a bit longer. I mentioned the advice a friend gave me on Wednesday. Acknowledge and appreciate the good things and don't get distracted by the negative.

A management book I read once compared it to teaching a child to walk. We celebrate each step they take and overlook the times they fall, knowing the encouragement of progress is far more helpful than focusing on the times they fall.

It's so hard to practice this when feelings and expectations are involved.
_________________________
Me:44, W:43
S:15, D:11
M:21, T:24
Bomb: July 2010
Stopped MC for 2nd time late summer 2013
Dropping the rope...

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#2234584 - 03/31/12 12:30 PM Re: Death of a "nice guy" [Re: ces67]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/11
Posts: 750
sounds like great weekend plans! keep us posted!
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

Top
#2234645 - 03/31/12 09:28 PM Re: Death of a "nice guy" [Re: barely floating]
ces67 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 980
So we went to the office and the kids liked my new office and the balcony. I only had 1 picture of my W in the office. It was of her and D after she was born so its about a 10 year old picture. Still one of my favorits. Honestly, I put it out on Friday before I left so she would see at least one pic of herself in there. Not sure why i did that but I did.

After that I walked the kids around the campus of work showing them some of the history of the place. They thought it was really cool. W stayed quiet.

After that we went to race go-karts. It started raining so the kids got to play in the the game room and we got a raincheck to come back and race another time. W suggested next weekend.

From there I took them to a restaurant that I like close to work and we had dinner. Its a local place with lots of home-made stuff so we got dinner and some home made desserts of lemon bars, cinnamin rolls and chocolate donuts. Oh, and my son had "mexican Coca Cola" which is made with real sugar cane instead of corn syrup.

During dinner, W said "Congratulations to Daddy on his new job". She made a point to say something about it and remind the kids why we were having our night out. That actually caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting that and said "thank you" without really looking at her.

We're home now and I'm watching TV with the kids and she's sowing again.

This stuff is easier to manage when I don't have expectations.

Oh, and my D has been far more playful and interactive with me lately. Very thankful for that.
_________________________
Me:44, W:43
S:15, D:11
M:21, T:24
Bomb: July 2010
Stopped MC for 2nd time late summer 2013
Dropping the rope...

Top
#2234698 - 04/01/12 11:33 AM Re: Death of a "nice guy" [Re: ces67]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Enjoy the little things CES. I will fight for you...just stand still, you shared this. Sounds like a good thing to do right now.

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#2234802 - 04/01/12 11:40 PM Re: Death of a "nice guy" [Re: rickb89]
ces67 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 980
Journal stuff:

Got up and S13 and I made it to church in time for class. D10 had crawled in bed with W last night. I went to wake her up but W said she'd bring her to church. They showed up 15 minuts after the service started. At least we drove separate so S13 and I were able to hang out a bit and visit.

We went home and changed and did a quick lunch of fast food. Then we went and saw "Hunger Games" together. W & S13 had seen it opening night but D10 wanted to see it and we all went together.

Side note..Between this movie series & the Twilight stuff, what's the deal of these movies were girls bounce around between 2 guys, messing with their hearts? Very irritating.

After the movie, I did the grocery shopping and W stayed home and helped the kids with their homework.

I noticed W had new work out shorts on and she also wore a new dress to church today. It so irritating that W got upset when I asked for help with the bills after she started her new job and yet, she's got money to buy herself clothes almost weekly, travel to see friends and then go out a bunch when she's with them.

Think I'll pull my credit reports on my next pay to make sure no more credit cards have been opened in my name. I've seen W with a few mail offers stuffed in her pile of things.

My trust in her is so low right now. I just need to make sure I'm protecting myself & the kids.
_________________________
Me:44, W:43
S:15, D:11
M:21, T:24
Bomb: July 2010
Stopped MC for 2nd time late summer 2013
Dropping the rope...

Top
#2234807 - 04/01/12 11:59 PM Re: Death of a "nice guy" [Re: ces67]
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1692
If you find on the credit reports that accounts have been opened in your name without your knowledge or permission, you have a right to file a fraud claim. Protecting your hard earned credit rating is super important, especially if you find yourself D.

I hope nothing shows up. You don't need that added stress.
_________________________
Me48 W50 S15 S11
M20 T23
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

Top
#2234812 - 04/02/12 12:30 AM Re: Death of a "nice guy" [Re: ces67]
zig Offline
Member

Registered: 02/21/12
Posts: 1855
Loc: KS
Originally Posted By: ces67

A management book I read once compared it to teaching a child to walk. We celebrate each step they take and overlook the times they fall, knowing the encouragement of progress is far more helpful than focusing on the times they fall.

It's so hard to practice this when feelings and expectations are involved.


i think this applies to us too, don't you think - i find myself "falling" so often and then getting really down about it, but now i've decided that it's more important for me to focus on what i get right and make sure i repeat it again

glad to here that there have been more positive things happening with your wife - you deserve it, and more. you're right though - it is SO hard not to have expectations. i have to say that during this sitch, every time i have NOT had expectations is when i have always had a pleasant unexpected surprise. you'd think we'd be quick learners...

cheers
zig
_________________________
me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"


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#2234839 - 04/02/12 08:11 AM Re: Death of a "nice guy" [Re: zig]
ces67 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 980
2- I'll be surprised if anything is there but still need to check.

Zig - yeah, pretty slow learner myself. I think its like when people take medicine and then start feeling better, they go off the medicine. Then they realize it was the medicine helping them feel better but by then the illness is back.

When I let go of expectations, I feel better and even hopeful, then that hope leads me back to expectations before I realize it. Gotta get out of that cycle.
_________________________
Me:44, W:43
S:15, D:11
M:21, T:24
Bomb: July 2010
Stopped MC for 2nd time late summer 2013
Dropping the rope...

Top
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