I understand your feelings here but it is important for you to keep your focus on the "goal". Go with the flow for this event. You could always have a separate event with your S on a different day. Or simply make the most of the time you do have with him on his b-day.
Just don't lost sight of the "goal".
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
I think that there should be a balance somewhere in the middle of the two....
Crimson....
Did you relay that you were taking the day off to her before you did it ???
Or did you just expect that you were gonna get that time with him ?
What does your agreement say about holidays and birthdays ?
IF.....you told her what you were planning, then I would say something to her...( like GM has said )
IF....you didn't ? Then I think you should have sooner...
GM....You certainly know how frustrating it is when your time with Gabby has been planned for you...and seems out of your hands...
Also keep in mind that Crimsons parents had that same (undivided) time with him for a couple months recently. And it was a point of contention between them.
Also, I agree with your thoughts on Crim speaking up more, I think that this particular topic has a lot of "if's" involved...
No actually, I was thinking of what's going to make this little boy happy. I don't think, unless I misread, that Crim is being excluded from the whole day. I understood it was the morning trip to the park that was with her family.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
So I did tell her a few days ago that I was planning on taking the day off. Not so sure if it registered at all.
As mentioned in my first post, I am not cut off 100%. There IS a get together planned for later that day that I am welcomed to that w pretty much planned. I just don't think I will get much time before or after that.....though nothing has been confirmed.
She knows I want to be there. I have made that clear. That's all I can really do. Could I fight and complain my way into going? Probably. But as I see it, that is nothing more than what she expects of me and if I DID do that it would just cast a negative spin on the whole event - she would be resentful the whole time.
As the clock winds down, I know it is time for me to speak up a bit more. We have our first "date" with just the two of us scheduled for next week. I am just going to leave it to her to bring up any R talk prior to that point. I figure that will be a good time to get a sense of the temperature.
Maybe something will happen tomorrow and I will get more time on his birthday than I thought. At a bare minimum, I will get to see him - just not as much as I would want.
GM - as far as input goes, we discussed going to a park and I was OK with that. It was her idea. Other than that I haven't really been asked for a lot of input. I have asked what we are going to do about food and as of yesterday she said she didn't know and that she would figure it out when her mom got here. I am getting the cake.
Really, I don't know if it is worth me kicking up a lot of dirt right now. Honestly, at this stage I feel as though I am in a very, very, VERY sensitive spot with regard to timing.
GM - as far as input goes, we discussed going to a park and I was OK with that. It was her idea. Other than that I haven't really been asked for a lot of input. I have asked what we are going to do about food and as of yesterday she said she didn't know and that she would figure it out when her mom got here. I am getting the cake.
So .....how would the Crimson of old have handled this ?
Just curious....
Originally Posted By: GM
There is a balance between fighting and complaint, and expressing your feelings.
And if you have expressed how this makes you "feel", then just do whatever you think from there.
^^^^^^yep
I'm taking the day off Friday.....
Is very different from....
I'm taking the day off Friday to spend Crim Jr's birthday with him...I know it's your day with him, although I would like to be included in whatever plans you have made....
Expressing your expectations first, will relieve a lot of your frustrations....
Unmet expectations, because they are unspoken, are on your shoulders buddy.....
Really, I don't know if it is worth me kicking up a lot of dirt right now. Honestly, at this stage I feel as though I am in a very, very, VERY sensitive spot with regard to timing.
This ^^^ is what I was thinking when I said that you needed to keep the "goal" in mind. I agree that the sitch at this moment is precarious. You need to navigate these choppy waters very carefully. There will come a time when you can and will need to be more assertive. Now is not the time in my opinion.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
