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#2234767 - 04/01/12 08:19 PM Re: The Space Between... [Re: BklynMom]
sayitaintso Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/11
Posts: 951
Originally Posted By: BklynMom
I suggest when he engages in the conversation again you say "I will do whatever my L recommends" and try to leave it at that. It doesnt matter that you are right. He will never (at this point) agree with you. He will seek out people that only agree with him. Take yourself out of the debate.


I totally agree w/ BK here. He will not like it but I think it's best for you to defer to your L.

Soooo sorry Purg, such a tough conversation and time to move through. We all have your back on here. smile
_________________________
Me- 34 W-33
S15 S10 S6
Married- 11 Together- 18
Bomb- 6-2011
WAW moves out- 8-2011

"Nothing in the Universe can stop you from letting go and starting over at anytime"- Guy Finley

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#2234792 - 04/01/12 10:54 PM Re: The Space Between... [Re: sayitaintso]
ces67 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 1019
((((P)))))

I'm with LaBug, you earned that pension as well. You were a team, he was working and you taking care of the family. That's how it goes.

And also, this does sound like stuff the lawyers need to deal with. Sorry. I bet that sounds way too final for you. But maybe if they deal with that stuff you all can set it aside when you're together.
_________________________
Me:45, W:44
S:15, D:12
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
2 attempts at MC-stopped 09/13
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms

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#2235207 - 04/03/12 05:19 PM Re: The Space Between... [Re: ces67]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10303
Loc: west coast
Purg

when I was in the Army JAG Corps, I frequently had to explain to the service member that the spouse HAD EARNED THE RETIREMENT in the eyes of the mlitary, so it's not the soldier's money to "give"; it's the military's.


You earned it by enabling the father of your children to deploy. HIS feelings and opinions, and his needs and your future needs, are irrelevant.

It's NOT HIS to give/take; it's the military's....

in sum, your h's views are simply way out of date.

I will say this. Disability pay (if he gets injured there OR later on in life) can change things in ways that only hurt you, financially...but it's too complicated to put here, so you will need to talk to a lawyer who understands the military pension aspects

and since you ARE entitled to free legal advice on base NOW, so get it...see Legal Assistance.


BTW
My sister was married to an AF Pilot for 13 years, NO kids...She did have a lot of functions to host AND

She had to move a lot,
and to some weird places, so HE could fly the fastest "coolest" Planes, and get promoted. Her h put off having kids and then left her for OW and then had a kid...ANYHOW...

She gets a third of his retirement.

She remarried and she still gets it
b/c It's NOT alimony or spousal support,

it's money she earned from the AF, by being willing to live in places that enabled a very well trained pilot to keep flying. The military "traded" her some financial security for that, and b/c she was not able to build a career for herself, moving so often.


It's $1000 a month now and she gets it b/c she "earned it" not b/c she cannot support herself.

(btw-I visited her in the summer in Iceland, where she lived there 3 years. Trust me, she earned it living there.)

They also had several one year assignments in some God forsaken places like deserts, where he could do fancy tricks in his uber cool plane...


Your h is Navy so when he's gone, he's GONE on a ship, hard to call or see for a weekend...

as for deployments-- he really misses the point about you being a SOLO single parent when he's gone. Not to mention the free floating angst that goes with knowing they are in harm's way...

which he'll minimize b/c he will say HE is the one over there..but that's him pretending his choices are made in a vacuum,

as if no one else is affected. It's a convenient self centeredness.

Being a SOLO single parent is very different than having every other weekend off...which I guess he will understand when he has those times with the kids Ask him if weekends with them, are better than being gone a whole year

and say " but you would have been gone anyhow" (what??? I still don't get what he's saying
[b]
unless he's equating your being a SOLO parent with the other parent being deployed, with a typical divorced couple
where you COULD always call him in a pinch, and you'd know you'll get a break every other weekend AND the kids would have some of their daddy needs met, rather than you doing it all, without a break, for a year!...)

Geez, He's just not able to see it clearly - but Bravo for you staying calm!


He's so not able to see this objectively. But you don't have to listen to him rant. You may have to say something to him when he gets nutty.

Calmly express your requirement that you be treated with respect.

"H, you seem too upset to see this objectively and I'm not sure we're getting anywhere discussing this now"...

then YOU be the one to get off the phone or leave.

It'd be a 180 AND you'd be the calmer party. Just a thought.

ALSO- while it MAY be only $300 in today's dollars, (check that amount b/c I don't recall how long your h has been in the military and if all your time married was in the service)

My sister also gets a COLA increase every year or so. Don't pooh pooh that.

The amount you are stating here,($300 a month) is about what an IRA contribution is, so, don't you dare give the military pension you earned, to him...

unless he's trading it for something better.
Does he have IRAs or real estate interests you might want?

OTherwise, it's a legal matter best left for the lawyers.

Try hard to compartmentalize this. You want him to associate the "ugly legalities" (that HE created) with lawyers,

and

pleasant calm MATURE behavior, with you...make sense?


(((( ))))
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

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#2235209 - 04/03/12 05:22 PM Re: The Space Between... [Re: 25yearsmlc]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10303
Loc: west coast
PS

sorry that was so long. I got "motivated" b/c it pushes a button in me when I have my

"flashbacks" of soldiers leaving their spouses...one guy w/19 years in, wanted to get out of the Army

JUST SO his wife would not get any retirement (and neither would he)...

I suggested he retain another lawyer b/c I could not pursue that course of action b/c I thought it was against HIS interests

(and also, really sleazy....)

You really are making progress Purg. Maybe your h is too. But remember it's not a linear path.

((( )))
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

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#2236553 - 04/09/12 02:38 PM Re: The Space Between... [Re: 25yearsmlc]
purgatory Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 825
Loc: Virginia
25- I always value your insight, especially with the tricky legal military aspects. As of now, his L has sent the most updated version of our papers to my L and I have a meeting next week to discuss the details. I am stil adamant about not signing until he gets back- and I can't see how H will react any differently than to blow up on me.... Do maybe I'll just have my L tell his L?

Lots of R talk has taken place off and on over the last few weeks. Some triggered by choices he's made and some brought up by him. There's been positives and negatives said- but I always remained calm and validated (for the most part.) Once or twice I found myself getting very enraged and I had to stop myself from continuing the conversation (of course he'll never give me credit for stopping, he'll only focus/remember that I raised my voice.) I actually learned a lot from him about what he's looking for and what he still holds over me- not easy to listen to, but helpful pieces of the puzzle.

At one point, he actually asked me: "so after everything that has happened, you still dot want the D? Aren't you afraid I would do it again?" I explained that if he turned around tomorrow, that I would say "ok" and focus on *this* day forward; leave the past in the past. We would start slow by dating and getting to know each other again; I have no expectation that we could just jump back into a full R. He listened and only said: "that's not an option for me."

This ^^^^ was Saturday. On Sunday, he brought up some $$ talk which led into a bunch of related topics, and somehow ended up at how I've supported his endeavors (professional and private) over the years. Most recently his gym training for a competition this weekend. I mentioned that it hurt that he hadn't invited me to come watch, since I have been his biggest supporter (keeping the kids on his nights, keeping up with his crazy diets, ect.) He accused me of being selfish and how dare I *expect* to come watch- since "I don't want to there." He said that he never would have taken my help had he known what my "payment" would be; that in order to be considered a selfless act, it has to be done with no expectations.

For some reason, this conversation really hit a nerve with me and I let loose (calmly) about how I feel taken advantage of and unappreciated. I also told him that I didn't want him to come to the hospital fort tests and surgery (it was the onl thing I could think of that was similar to his competition) an left te room crying.

I got an email (an email?!?! He was just downstairs and could have told me in person). To summarize, he basically said that our talk was like reliving the last 7 years of our R and it was rough for him. He needs space to 'heal his wounds' and he's just realizing how deep his wounds go. He also said thanks for all the support, but 'let him finish it on his own.'

So now Purg is going to attempt the LRT. Only communicate if *he* initiates and only about kids. Wish me luck!!

(today, I got a text from him asking if I read the papers and an email wrapping up the $$ talk we attempted to start on Sun. I only responded saying that I ha a meeting with my L to discuss the papers and I responded to the email saying that I understood where he was coming from and he has the right to be concerned about financial stability for his kids.... No response from him.)
_________________________
M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12

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#2236561 - 04/09/12 03:11 PM Re: The Space Between... [Re: purgatory]
sayitaintso Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/11
Posts: 951
(((Purg)))

Tough times Purg, sorry your h still seems to be a d. Hopefully the LRT will change the dynamic up some.

I have moved into a new phase of detachment w/ my w and have dropped the rope as much as I am capable of at this time. Their are times that it is so freeing just worrying about what's best for you and not thinking about every little thing you do regarding your WAS.

Of course their are times when it is extremely painful as well but those times are less and less as time goes on.

Wishing and hoping the best for you. Your not in this alone! smile
_________________________
Me- 34 W-33
S15 S10 S6
Married- 11 Together- 18
Bomb- 6-2011
WAW moves out- 8-2011

"Nothing in the Universe can stop you from letting go and starting over at anytime"- Guy Finley

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#2236567 - 04/09/12 03:38 PM Re: The Space Between... [Re: purgatory]
nhmom Offline
Member

Registered: 12/20/11
Posts: 345
Purg,

As you're continuing on this roller coaster ride, just remember how far you've come in the last few months, how strong you have become.

Originally Posted By: purgatory
I actually learned a lot from him about what he's looking for and what he still holds over me- not easy to listen to, but helpful pieces of the puzzle.


My C told me in one of my sessions that we should take it as a positive when the WAS is "sharing" why they feel hurt. As much as it hurts to hear it and to be blamed for all that's gone wrong, the C said to try to let the words bounce off you and pay attention to what they are saying. Once we understand where they are coming from, it is then when we are really able to put all of the pieces together. It sounds like you're already doing that, so that's great.

Your H is asking for time and space to "heal his wounds". He's got a one year deployment coming up....plenty of time as space. Stay strong and stand by your decision to hold off on D until after the deployment.

((Purg))
_________________________
Me:32 H:34 T:14.5 M:9.5 S:5 BD: 11/25/11



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#2236592 - 04/09/12 05:18 PM Re: The Space Between... [Re: purgatory]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10303
Loc: west coast
Purg,

First, ask a JAG this b/c my info may be out of date. A civilian lawyer will probably NOT know this and it's a question a JAG can answer - even if he/she cannot represent you in court without admission to practice in that particular state.

But if I recall correctly,

as soon as you hit 10 years of m, that overlap with years in military service, you will be entitled to a 1/4 of his retirement.

So HE might not want to hit that mark, if you KWIM. Do you know the formula of which I speak? Were all your years of marriage while he was in the military?

Say, he serves 20 years in the Military and then retires - AND say that you were married the whole 20 years. Then you divorce. In that scenario,

You'd get HALF of the pension you BOTH contributed toward the creation of (not from him, but from the Navy). He'd obviously get the other half.

But say you were only married 3/4 of that 20 years of service...

Then you get half of the 15 years that you were married WHILE he was also in the service (i.e., = half of 3/4 of his retirement), which is something like
37.5 %.

And if you were married 10 of his 20 years in, you get half of the half...make sense? Have I totally lost you? The "half of the half" is that you get half of the amount of pension he had accrued at the time of the divorce, which is half of the 20. So TODAY if he has 10 years in he Navy AND 10 years of marriage (and then he goes on to the full 20 as a single man)
then when he retires, the Navy will pay you half of what was accrued when the marriage ended...half of the half...so, 1/4.

(Geez - have a JAG write it out or draw it

if this is as confusing as it's sounding to me (and I UNDERSTAND IT...so much for being a "great teacher")

So that is how I came to say you'd get 1/4 of his retirement if you can get to the 10 year mark. You were married to him for half of the time he was in the service, so you get half of THAT overlapping (marriage + service years) time.

I assumed he'd go active duty for 20 years & retire and I assumed he was in the service the whole time you were married? (Let's hope so, or my #s are way off)

**IF he remains in the service longer that does not hurt you except it delays when his payments begin, but you can't do anything about that AND his pension would also be more, so don't worry about it. NO CONTROL anyhow.

So if you can, put off signing til he returns "in case something happens to him, AND for the full protection of the kids AND for your medical care"

and you can promise to sign it all when he returns

IF he still feels the same.


It may seem like pursuit but we're talking about your legal interests now, so who cares? Plus, it buys you time and he MAY change anyhow.

Besides, what's it to him? He'll be getting all the wonderful "space" from you that he says he needs...with or without a signed paper & w/or without a divorce.

What's the rush to sign before he leaves? Being divorced/divorcing before he leaves-- Won't that traumatize the kids MORE b/c they won't know what to hope for, or expect upon his return?

It won't be a normal homecoming will it? Will he come "home" to another state or family?
Those are things that might cross the older one's mind...maybe.

(Of course the cynic is me says, the rush is that he knows the 10 year rule).

But don't ask about it or concede that you know...not yet anyhow.


ALSO if that discussion you two had, the heated discussion in which painful things were said to you, but in which you mainly remained calm, REMINDED him of the past 7 years of marriage, I guess I'd take that as a compliment

or a lot of revising by him.
It'd be hard to let that comment pass by. Of course maybe I misread it. How do you feel you handled it, given the 180s you want to show? I didn't pick up on a big backslide.

I wonder if You can ask him whether he thinks he'll EVER get past feeling victimized by you,

no matter what you do or say or for how long,
or however genuine the changes are? If not, why not?

What does that say about his resentment and anger issues?

Didn't he once say that you seemed angry often, and that you held onto things too long and stayed mad all the time..

hmmm. interesting. I mean, talk about holding a grudge. But be ready--
Be ready for him to say "YOU made me this way. YOU taught me How to be angry & not let things go"....

but hey, at least YOU are learning how.


Maybe neither of you knew how to forgive. I never saw it growing up. Did you? Did he?

And you already see how freeing it is.

You can hope for his sake, that he learns it too. cool

If he reminds you that there is no hope for the m, no matter how many "so called changes" you make, you can also say, "Fine H. No matter - B/C IT's not about YOU. The changes are about how I like being my best self for me and for my loved ones..."

and let him wonder if he's in that group.

(OR you can bag all my smarmy comments b/c I'm a little cranky today--

or am I just seeing things MORE clearly??)
cool

ANYHOW---

So check w/JAG about that 10 year "rule" b/c if it's true, then you DO need to stick by it (and it'd also explains his concern.)

B/c if it is really JUST about him wanting "space", and "no expectations from you", well you sure can give that to him when he's 3000 miles away.

To me, that seems like a lot of space.

You may want to act as if you are only focussed on making sure he is sure of his choice, which is true,

and your health/the medical insurance aspects...indicating no awareness of the 10 year rule (if it still applies).

ALSO make sure you focus on this aspect re your medical care--& protect yourself that way too...

"what if it turns out that I'm worse or what if I get worse? What if the surgery fails? What if my recovery time takes longer and I can't work then? If I have no insurance then what? (And there's a real chance Obamacare will be reversed so don't let him say all is well on that front)

"What if I deteriorate or blah blah blah?--insert worst case horrible scenario and toss in a few you MAYBE read about somewhere--and let that sink into his ears.

Does he really HAVE to dump you before leaving for a year, when it risks your life? What's up with that?

Also YOU are still entitled to FEEL worried & anxious for him, and sadness at what he'll miss from the boy's lives, which you know hurts him too...(not to mention how hurt you are for other reasons, best left unsaid for now.)

AND Purg, believe me, since my h's deployment is rapidly approaching I WILL be reading up on all this.

BTW SIDENOTE--why does the military send my h's deployment supplies (which he was told he'd get over there anyhow) to our house, in the shape and size of a coffin? I am serious. My kids stared at it and said "what's IN there?"

Also- what is with making my h and his peeps taking so many days off now, away from home, (costing us money too b/c his reserve pay is less than half his regular private practice pay) all to "prepare" for deployment? Just go already, get it over with and come back!

So -back to earth - signing something other than divorce papers, before he goes, serves what purpose? Is it simply an agreement between you two that gets notarized OR is it something that later = the divorce decree?
ASK a lawyer there.

Say, are you going to the EE workshop this month? I have 2 friends who are going, and one lives near you!...(& she's a T!)

Meanwhile, keep on keeping on! H's CAN Change their minds and hearts, just like we can.
So keep your head on straight and stay busy GAL and doing the 180s...


((( )))
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

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#2236623 - 04/09/12 07:14 PM Re: The Space Between... [Re: 25yearsmlc]
purgatory Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 825
Loc: Virginia
SAIS- I know you're going through a painful phase with your W, thanks for checking on me.
Nhmom- thanks for sharing your C's insight- it does make a lo of sense. Of he didn't care in some way, then he wouldn't feel the need to share... And boy, does he share a lot!!

25- thanks for giving me things to look into. A few answers to your questions:

Yes, I know about the formula for retirement pay, and I'm guessing that was one of the reasons he changed his mind about staying separated indefinitely. We've been M 7 years, 6 of which have been in the Navy.

The papers that he wants to sign are legal separation documents, which at a years mark, become the divorce decree. If I sign them, this November 2012- we would be D. And he doesn't come home until August 2013. If I sign when he gets back, we couldn't be D until August 2014. I have a meeting with my L next week to discuss my options.

I received the same 'coffin' of supplies- kind of an ominous visual smirk
_________________________
M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12

Top
#2236671 - 04/09/12 09:55 PM Re: The Space Between... [Re: purgatory]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10303
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: purgatory
SAIS- I know you're going through a painful phase with your W, thanks for checking on me.

25- thanks for giving me things to look into. A few answers to your questions:

Yes, I know about the formula for retirement pay, and I'm guessing that was one of the reasons he changed his mind about staying separated indefinitely. We've been M 7 years, 6 of which have been in the Navy.


ah, bummer! I misread and thought you'd been married for 9 years, and only needed one more year to make the minimum. Is there still a 10 year minimum, or can they use the formula regardess of length of the marriage/service overlap?

Seems to me, if the 10 year mark, as a minimum, does not apply (but the formula otherwise does) then why not give you 1/6 if you are married a third of the time he serves? Geez, You're the one that enabled him to serve and get deployed, and cared for his kids (and had them, etc). You are why he could sleep at night, do the mission he had, and not worry so much that he lost focus...

Assume however, that you'd have to be m for 10 years to get ANY of his retirement...okay then-his rush to divorce makes LESS sense, not more!

You can still make all the same arguments for staying m while he's gone but now they are stronger arguments even FOR HIS INTERESTS...

Meaning, if you aren't going to get any of his pension without being married for at least 10 years, then WHY deny you all the benefits while he's gone anyhow? He gets to have his frickin' "space"?

You are not costing or denying him anything while he's gone that he would not "lose" already by having kids (meaning, certain assignments for truly single 'no dependents' type of macho jobs)...so what gives? Why rush the divorce thru before leaving for Afghan??

To punish you? Hmmm

As the mother of his children - he won't believe that punishing you is a factor at all, consciously...but that means he ought to be able to articulate the reasons.

Is it so he can go to Afghan as a single dude---you know, and go to the wild dance clubs, and crazy bars open all night there, as a "crazy single guy" in fancy cosmopolitan Kabul?


Purg, I'm sincerely asking--

how is divorcing you NOW, rather than a year later, harming his legal or financial interests, if it'll only go from 7 years of m, to 8??

Isn't the mere possibility that you could be really harmed (medically) enough to give him pause?

AND OR

the possibility, however remote in his eyes, that he MIGHT want to re-think ending a marriage/family with children, as he sees that your changes are lasting & REAL...

enough to make him SLOW DOWN?

Lest we forget, a mere year ago, he felt very differently than he says he does now (never mind his claim of constant misery.) The question remains, why won't/can't he feel another way a year from now?

Here in DB land, we know he can change his mind and heart and probably will. Which direction, we're not sure but the one thing that is constant in all this, is CHANGE...

So what's up with not even waiting til he gets back?

What is he so afraid of happening? That he might awaken to your awakening?

THEN WHAT? What bad thing might happen? It might not work out and that means...you're in the same place you'd be anyhow...

OR

you could restore the marriage to something even better than it was before b/c now you have the good memories, the love AND the tools!!

Then what?

You could give your children a real legacy of what

redemption and forgiveness look like &

they could pass that on down to their children, and so on,

b/c like divorce, marital success can run in families...?


What's the other "worst thing" that could happen by his waiting to file?

That he "loses" OW? (Well gee, that's one damn secure "soulmate" relationship if I ever saw one...)

Why would she wait for him IF he files for divorce, but NOT wait if he doesn't?


There IS another possibility- that he's morphed into the type of man who is a "ALL blinders on. Must -accomplish- mission & LATER examine- whether-the- mission- was- the- right- one- AND- that- it- was- done- correctly"...

In my sitch, eventually I just released my h to his task. Going back to school (for an expensive & Uneccessary credential, to add to his pile and cost us a fortune) ALL so he could end up on the tundra, had become a holy grail for him.

The only people he could hear were his mentors (the "heroes" as I refer to them) who bragged about their riches and pursued him a LOT...

My H had his blinders on, Purg. Those blinders made him nearly irrational when we discussed his choices. If it was -45'F there, he'd say it was "brisk", (not "freakishly cold".)

Nothing anyone said about the move to Alaska

or the contract he had been given, or the money or the costs/benefits could be "heard" by him. Least of all words from ME.

He said I was "raining on his parade" and "just being negative" when I mentioned the clauses in his contract that would have prevented me from letting any of my clients sign. I mean that literally.

The contract was that bad. As of today, there are at least 4 different lawsuits involving the hero's company. The only reason we got out of there without more of a hassle was that his mom was dying.

But I learned something valuable. Aside from blinders that MAY mean you ought to stop wasting your breath/time... there is this:


I found after 3 decades of m, the ability to remain silent at times, and the tone/volume I use in speaking, is just as important, if not more so, than the content of what I say.


That's hard for me, b/c as a lawyer I'm a "wordsmith." I use words as tools. So It nearly killed me to grasp this concept - but it has also helped me too.

So why won't your h delay the divorce? Good reasons exist for waiting, including a huge one called the medical issues...so did I miss something?

Is "someone" wanting him to be free? (IS she even free yet?) I mean LEGALLY, is OW's own divorce even final?

God knows she sure acts like it.


sorry, I'm cranky...I

ANYHOW...


The papers that he wants to sign are legal separation documents, which at a years mark, become the divorce decree. If I sign them, this November 2012- we would be D

and how long would the m be in November? When is your wedding anniversary?
BTW-
If you ML after he left, or after the date of whenever he says the sep began, you can sometimes start the clock all over from that date. Not saying you ought to (or not) but it can be a factor. Ask the L...



. And he doesn't come home until August 2013. If I sign when he gets back, we couldn't be D until August 2014. I have a meeting with my L next week to discuss my options.

You mean the paperwork would not BEGIN til 2013 & then it'd be completed in 2014, b/c of a one year waiting period from time of filing?

Would that make it to 10 years of m?

Either way I like that ^^^^ better, obviously.

Do you like the L you have? That's important. You don't want to have regrets or weird feelings in your stomach about how lousy the deal was or what a loser your L was years from now...it's a hard enough situation to face - if you at least like your L, it helps so much. Hating your own counsel makes a nightmare last longer.

If you trust them then make the best of the cards you were dealt and we'll all support you with your plans. cool

(((( ))))


I received the same 'coffin' of supplies- kind of an ominous visual smirk




I'm sorry he was such a jerk about the graduation you wanted to attend.

He's showing a side to himself you were not aware of
but now that it's clearly present, YOU will see him in a new light.

And he may see himself that way too. But rather than saying he should be a better h, chances are he'll say you "make" him "that way."
A bit convenient. But telling. Just as WAS's revise the marriage so that it was a "living nightmare the WHOLE time"...

sometimes LBSers glorify their spouses as if they are flawless and no one else can compare. Just something to ponder.

(((( ))))
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

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