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#2228398 - 03/07/12 05:19 AM Re: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: hopeless in wa]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10635
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: hopeless in wa
Well my display name change was approved. Just reading a lot of these threads, and there sure seems to be a lot of new heartbreaks. So sad, but they are all lucky to find this place.

I find weekends horrible, maybe because we always used to do stuff. Guess I need to find my own new stuff. Trying like crazy to detach from H. in my mind. Not think about what he is doing, thinking.
]


Good!!...but why are YOU moving out? Have you seen a lawyer yet? Don't move out without talking to one FIRST...

and as a L myself, I cannot imagine being the one to leave if I'm not the one wanting out.

Just curious...but see a L asap. Seeing a lawyer means getting knowledge, and knowledge is power.

you don't have to DO anything by talking to a L
, just get the info so you know what your rights are...

I fear you are at a serious disadvantage at this moment. I don't know your h, but statistically speaking, men are big planners when it comes to leaving their m's...

You need to catch up fast.
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

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#2228406 - 03/07/12 06:13 AM Re: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: 25yearsmlc]
hopeless in wa Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/12
Posts: 285
My H is adamant about this d. I live in a community property state, so that is pretty cut and dried. I can't afford to stay in this house. I will be seeing a L before anything is finalized. H offered to pay for it. My brother works for Public Defender ofc. says just have a L look at things before final. I am getting spousal support for 4 years, till my retirement kicks in and I am getting half of everything we have including retirement and some of his social security. Thanks for your concern.

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#2228740 - 03/08/12 03:01 AM Re: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: hopeless in wa]
hopeless in wa Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/12
Posts: 285
I am going to see a lawyer, for sure.

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#2229070 - 03/09/12 08:27 AM Re: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: hopeless in wa]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/11
Posts: 755
did you see the lawyer yet? just wondering what's happening w/ you.
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

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#2229071 - 03/09/12 08:43 AM Re: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: barely floating]
hopeless in wa Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/12
Posts: 285
thanks for checking in. Haven't yet, I did get a name from my brother, but I need to get a copy of latest drafts to be able to take to her. Been online for hours looking for an apt. Craigslist is pretty helpful. I know I really have no grounds or means to stop this thing. It is all very amicable at this point and other than telling him I don't want this there really isn't much I can do. I'm going to protect myself legally and financially.

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#2229072 - 03/09/12 08:49 AM Re: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: hopeless in wa]
NLW Offline
Member

Registered: 09/09/11
Posts: 1285
Hi HiWA,

I'm sorry that you're finding yourself in this situation.

I don't want to be a downer, but just a tip based on my own recent experience.
My H of 15 years was completely amicable UNTIL we started talking finances.
He turned into something completely alien, out of fear, when he started to see what splitting up would really mean for his lifestyle.

Just saying, be prepared to have to fight to protect yourself.
Your H may go feral like mine did.

I wish you all the best.

NLW.

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#2229073 - 03/09/12 08:58 AM Re: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: NLW]
hopeless in wa Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/12
Posts: 285
Well we have talked all the finances. Since this is a community property state we are both getting half. The only question I will have for my L. will be in regards to spousal support. From everything I've read there is no formula but when people are close to retirement, we are already there the judge would agree with what we are doing. Get me to 62 1/2 and then he will be done with the spousal support. In the beginning, he offerred to let me keep the house, but then I would have to buy him out. That would mean turning over a lot of the money that I will be living on in my future. H. has offered to pay for my dental appts, eyeglass appt., he even offered to take me for my colonoscopy! and pay for it. H told me I just you to be ok. He's offered to drive me around to apts. I just can't come up with stall tactics.

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#2229368 - 03/10/12 12:16 PM Re: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: hopeless in wa]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/11
Posts: 755
Time to create some mystery.

It almost seems harder when they're nice. You can't get angry.. There's no outright.. You always do this.. To fix.. So what to do?

I think the only thing to do is GAL. Maybe the intrigue lures them back.. But if not, then at least we haven't been sitting around waiting! smile

I forgot to answer your question about where I went! My gf has a cottage in point Roberts. Isolated but nice there! My sisters in laws have a place in birch bay! I'll be heading to ocean shores next week. Pretty excited!!

Hope you're doing ok. ((( )))
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

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#2229372 - 03/10/12 01:04 PM Re: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: barely floating]
hopeless in wa Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/12
Posts: 285
Just across the border! I just posted to Crimson about where I am right now. The gal I'm doing is finding a great place to live because this train has left the station. If you read my crimson post you will know where I am. Some H's won't be db'd except in a subtle, slow way I'm thinking. I've held onto continuing ed. catalogs, maybe for summer, too much to do before spring qrt. starts. I really want to thank you for keeping track of me. Never been to Ocean Shores, used to go to Kalaloch w/first husband, and Lincoln City and Yahats in Ore. for beach vaca's. Hope you have a great time. Don't they have horseback riding at Ocean Shores? If not gt some kites! Fondly

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#2229404 - 03/10/12 03:25 PM Re: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: hopeless in wa]
Crimson Offline
Member

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 1289
Thanks for posting to my thread HWA. I'm sorry that you are finding yourself in this situation - but it seems like you are doing your best to adjust and that is all that can be reasonably expected. Frankly, this board has been a life saver for me. I have also found that GAL really does help take some of the pain away - so keep it up. You are pretty early in the process, so do what you can to make time your friend. That is some of the best advice I got here.

Chin up!

Crimson

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