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#2235149 - 04/03/12 01:52 PM Re: Keeping the Kids Out of It [Re: evas]
PrincessP Offline
Member

Registered: 02/28/12
Posts: 54
Loc: NJ
Eva,

I am only 5' 1". Tomorrow I will wear a silver bumble bee brooch on my coat.

P
_________________________
M: 39, H: 38
D: 4
Together: 19 Y
Married: 9 Y
Bomb #1: 11/04/11 (5 days b/f anniversary)
Bomb #2 and H left: 01/03/12 (day b/f my bday)
OW: confirmed, they live together already

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#2235172 - 04/03/12 03:21 PM Re: Keeping the Kids Out of It [Re: PrincessP]
evas Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/12
Posts: 35
P,
Good to know. I'll wear a purple striped scarf, I am tall and blond and as I said my S wears glasses.
I'm so sorry to hear about recent events - that's terrible, and I can imagine your pain. But as the saying goes "it ain't over till it's over". And it's NOT over yet.
I'll bring some books.

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#2235179 - 04/03/12 03:34 PM Re: Keeping the Kids Out of It [Re: evas]
2chiquitos Offline
Member

Registered: 10/01/11
Posts: 1120
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
Princess- that's great ur getting together w another DB mom! Valuable support! I'll be thinking of you n praying for you! (HUGS)
_________________________
M 38 H 35
T7 (-2yrs separation)
S5 D2
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciling

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#2235193 - 04/03/12 04:18 PM Re: Keeping the Kids Out of It [Re: PrincessP]
gabbysmom23 Offline
Member

Registered: 03/31/08
Posts: 5495
Loc: NJ
Just popping in.

I am also a NJ mother, survivor of divorce and an affair.

My daughter is 4 nd a half now, exH left when she six months, for oW. Found out the affair started in my pregnancy after we ere divorced.

I also had an awful time dealing with OW being in my daughter's life immediately. I found out from the mouth of my daughter when was 2 that OW had moved in tot his apartment (yup, a lot of screaming ensued.

Just a few lessons I have learned from others on these boards that are the mot difficult lessons, but were very valuable.

Kids first, always. When divorcing do what is right by your kids. don't sacrifice anything your child is entitled to for the sake of hoping to save the M. Because that is not what all save it.

As much as our Ec's did something horrible, chose to leave our families, we can't place any burden on our children. We sometimes, at this tender age need to actually lie to them about our true feelings. My D had asked me how i I looked OW and I answered honestly, I said no, although I did tell her she was free to like her. Well, that backfired and she felt like she couldn't like her because I didn't and that made an uncomfortable situation for my D because at that time they were getting married. So I took it back.

Even though we have been apart for so long, my D asks now why we don't live together. Not once I have told her Daddy chose to leave, which he did and he wanted to be with OW rather than me. even if I told her daddy chose to leave, she would think there would be something to SHE could do to make daddy come back. My daughter is also very bright, know her dad an make his own decisions, but at that age they also think they are the cause of those decisions and that they can somehow easily change them if they act a certain way Taking the higher road in these circumstances is the greatest gift you can give your kid.

All these things are the hardest things to do when you are just reeling with hurt, betrayal and anger. But they are important.

My daughter only cries to me for her dad, tells me how she misses him, how she wishes she saw him more days. She does not do this to him. Why? Because I am the emotional parent, much like you. Because they know no matter what you will always be there. So you get the brunt of it, and yes, I absorb all the pain for my daughter and it is a lot of pain.

As far as OW goes and them being a family together it is probably the hardest thing I battled. I got over my exH as my husband. He wasn't a good one. But I had a hard time accepting OW in her life. Still kind of do to be honest. But I did realize. I AM HER MOM, and that child knows it, just like yours always will. Yes, we long for the family and togetherness and hate when the OW gets it, but we know we re that childs parent 24/7.

My best advice is to give the best life to you and your daughter as you can. Make your life with her, and concentrate on your that life, not the one they are living.

OW is a litigation laywer, now in NJ. They get paid crap for lawyers, and are cheap. So, get yourself a family lawyer who knows the custodial laws, and you will have a major advantage, because they really don't know them.

Enjoy central park.

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#2237780 - 04/13/12 07:31 PM Re: Keeping the Kids Out of It [Re: gabbysmom23]
PrincessP Offline
Member

Registered: 02/28/12
Posts: 54
Loc: NJ
Hi DB Friends.

It has been a couple of weeks since I have checked in. Things got out of control there for a while. I needed a little time to absorb it all. My first time in a court room aside from being excused from jury duty.

I am busy with lots of preparation for myself and D4 in case all DB attempts fail. The future will come no matter what and hopefully it will be with H but if it doesn't then I need to be ready for that.
_________________________
M: 39, H: 38
D: 4
Together: 19 Y
Married: 9 Y
Bomb #1: 11/04/11 (5 days b/f anniversary)
Bomb #2 and H left: 01/03/12 (day b/f my bday)
OW: confirmed, they live together already

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