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Joined: Feb 2012
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We owe parents a ton of money; they gave us money for the down payment of our house. I have been giving back money in increments at the beginning of every month.

H comes to the house regularly to visit D4. I catch him looking forlorn at the house. It’s our first home and it’s beautiful. A week after he first left and had a verbal explosive on me about finances and how “he can afford the house and I can’t.” I have this awful feeling he is going to start accumulating his earnings and say that he will buy me out of the house. Oh God…I don’t want H and OW trying to play house and happy family in the home we saved for, and parenting our D4. This is ugly.


M: 39, H: 38
D: 4
Together: 19 Y
Married: 9 Y
Bomb #1: 11/04/11 (5 days b/f anniversary)
Bomb #2 and H left: 01/03/12 (day b/f my bday)
OW: confirmed, they live together already
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 35
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P,
How are you doing? I'm afraid I have no advice for you. I also worry over finances, as H is free falling and could care less. It's difficult.

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I'm a complete wreck. I am freaked out that he is going to start hiding assets (his income which is triple mine.) My H is a big shot in his profession. I am 100% opposed to divorce. At the same time, there is not much more I can do to protect myself financially. I have done everything that is possible without filing for "maintenance." NJ is a no-fault state.

I am very fearful he is going to amass money so he can turn around and try to buy me out of the house. It's not about the darn house, I'm not emotionally attached to it. What bothers me is this maneuver combined with H's continued manipulation of D4. I fear him taking over the house with his mistress (and folks, let's call the OP what they are. If you are legally and emotionally still married then this is adultery) and playing family with my D4 during her visits with him. Yes, I do sound like I am throwing in the towel, but I am not exclusively dealing with my H; the mistress is influencing him and feeding into his anger towards me.

I have a dear friend who lived in a shelter with her two boys because of the financial devastation Ds can cause the unsuspecting S (or LBS.)


M: 39, H: 38
D: 4
Together: 19 Y
Married: 9 Y
Bomb #1: 11/04/11 (5 days b/f anniversary)
Bomb #2 and H left: 01/03/12 (day b/f my bday)
OW: confirmed, they live together already
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 35
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P,
I hope you have good friends and family to talk to. I wish I had some advice. I see others have posted advice here, I hope that helps.

Two months ago, I had no idea what an MLC really was, and now I am painfully aware of what it is, or at least can be. I'm not going to write all the things I sometimes feel like doing and saying, because it's counterproductive and serves as no help at all, but there's no denying I FEEL them. Enough said.

I hope tomorrow will be a better day for you. In the meantime, take care of yourself and your D.

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I felt calm there for a while from when I started DB until this check matter so almost a month. By no means am I giving up but I have to further the lovingly distant behavior.

Sadly I received a notice in the mail last night that there will be bench warrant for my arrest because of unpaid parking violations on a car I own (and is drive by H.) The vehicle was a gift from my parents. Friends, I come from an upper middle-class family, went to fancy prep schools and have a prestigious career. My H comes from a proper upper middle-class Midwestern family. Never in my wildest dreams would I have suspected being involved in such degrading activities. My attorney friends are going ballistic. I know this is nothing compared to what some people have suffered before, during and after D but this is low.


M: 39, H: 38
D: 4
Together: 19 Y
Married: 9 Y
Bomb #1: 11/04/11 (5 days b/f anniversary)
Bomb #2 and H left: 01/03/12 (day b/f my bday)
OW: confirmed, they live together already
Joined: Nov 2009
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PricessP there is nothing wrong with you protecting your self.
In fact that is the most important thing that you should do right now.
Detachment is the single most important thing.

Do your lawyer friends have any advice about the car?
I would listen to whatever they say about that issue.


Me-70, D37,S36
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So much for protecting myself. I was called into court yesterday at the last minute by H regarding custody, and the D is being by him ASAP. This is a result of standing up for our D4 and myself.


M: 39, H: 38
D: 4
Together: 19 Y
Married: 9 Y
Bomb #1: 11/04/11 (5 days b/f anniversary)
Bomb #2 and H left: 01/03/12 (day b/f my bday)
OW: confirmed, they live together already
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 568
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I'm so sorry PrincessP, be sure to protect yourself and D4 now. Just as your H is looking out for himself, be sure to do the same. I know it hurts very much right now. I hope you have strong support near you


-Autumn

Joined: Feb 2012
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Autumn,

I looked at your signature. Are you still holding strong? If you have any wisdom to impart, it would be appreciated.

I feel so lost...I thought DB was going great and then over the last four days I hit Disasterville. After H screaming at me over the phone about his finances I felt changing the locks and not allowing for a weekend away with D4 was appropriate. H felt otherwise. H has a sleazy litigation L rather than a family law one. I never seen H so consumed by $ before.


M: 39, H: 38
D: 4
Together: 19 Y
Married: 9 Y
Bomb #1: 11/04/11 (5 days b/f anniversary)
Bomb #2 and H left: 01/03/12 (day b/f my bday)
OW: confirmed, they live together already
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 54
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OP Offline
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 54
Eva,

I am only 5' 1". Tomorrow I will wear a silver bumble bee brooch on my coat.

P


M: 39, H: 38
D: 4
Together: 19 Y
Married: 9 Y
Bomb #1: 11/04/11 (5 days b/f anniversary)
Bomb #2 and H left: 01/03/12 (day b/f my bday)
OW: confirmed, they live together already
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