Get help from a Divorce Busting® Telephone Coach TODAY! We specialize in helping you get your marriage back on track, even when your spouse has one foot out the door. Don't be discouraged. We can help.
303-444-7004
or 800-664-2435
Page 16 of 20 < 1 2 ... 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 >
Topic Options
#2232647 - 03/22/12 01:27 PM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: MrBond]
MrBond Online   content
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 9810
Would you rather be "right" or would you rather be happily married?

Again, concentrate on the things YOU can control, which in this case are your feelings.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2232653 - 03/22/12 01:53 PM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: MrBond]
Jenna333 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 322
I'd rather be happy. Having my feelings ignored does not make me happy.

The stress is really getting to me. I have no time. Whenever I post on here I'm taking a 2 minute break from schoolwork or I'm about to fall asleep.
_________________________
M & H 25
T 9
D 7
S 4
Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me.
Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out
2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other.
3-4-12 H moved back in.
3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done

Top
#2232668 - 03/22/12 03:04 PM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: Jenna333]
MrBond Online   content
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 9810
"Having my feelings ignored does not make me happy. "

That's the part you don't understand. He is not ignoring your feelings. You are still resentful, hurt and insecure from his actions before. From what you've been describing, he seems to be trying, but it's not good enough for you.

That's why I encourage YOU to bring down your expectations. You aren't going to have your feelings change overnight. Take a deep breath and get into the mode of appreciating what you have. So many people on here would kill to be in the position you're in.

Just to give you a relative timeline. It takes 1 month for every 1 year of being in the relationship for things to get better (resentments to fade, feelings to come back, etc.).

Just breathe before you say anything else or else every interaction you have will be negative. If you need inspiration, think of your kids and remember this is your partner for them.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2232691 - 03/22/12 03:51 PM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: MrBond]
Jenna333 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 322
I know many would kill to be here, but I can't help but think that maybe they shouldn't feel that way frown This is proof that I'm resentful and still feeling like I deserve more. That's what got me through the separation. It's hard to let go of.

I'm taking deep breaths. I know I need to appreciate what he is doing. He's told me that he feels I'm setting impossible standards.
_________________________
M & H 25
T 9
D 7
S 4
Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me.
Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out
2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other.
3-4-12 H moved back in.
3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done

Top
#2232695 - 03/22/12 03:56 PM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: Jenna333]
MrBond Online   content
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 9810
"It's hard to let go of. "

Hard but now impossible.

"He's told me that he feels I'm setting impossible standards."

Bingo. You found out he's a flawed human being like every other person in the world. Last time I checked the last "perfect" person on earth could walk on water. Remember you have flaws too. No one is perfect. What if he started putting demands on how he wants you to act. Would you like that?
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2232697 - 03/22/12 04:01 PM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: MrBond]
Jenna333 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 322
I know I need to loosen up, big time. He told me last night that he feels sad that I don't go out of my way to do nice things for him. That is how he shows love: he buys me things or cooks for me. How I feel most loved is when he helps me out (around the home, etc) without me asking him to. That's when he made the slave comment yesterday. Ouch. Not what I meant at all. I know that he feels loved the same way that he shows love. I'll work on that. It's been hard even wanting to go out of my way for him when all we've done lately is fight!

Yeesh, we (I?) sound screwed up.
_________________________
M & H 25
T 9
D 7
S 4
Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me.
Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out
2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other.
3-4-12 H moved back in.
3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done

Top
#2232712 - 03/22/12 05:15 PM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: Jenna333]
MrBond Online   content
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 9810
Both of you need to do the 5 Love Languages test and really understand it.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2232716 - 03/22/12 05:51 PM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: MrBond]
Jenna333 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 322
I've been thinking the same thing.
_________________________
M & H 25
T 9
D 7
S 4
Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me.
Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out
2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other.
3-4-12 H moved back in.
3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done

Top
#2232722 - 03/22/12 06:28 PM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: Jenna333]
greenblue90 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/09/11
Posts: 685
Jenna
He often tries to throw the olive branch, but you're often too proud/angry to accept it and throw it in his face. Which then forces him to work harder to please you, and then you call him a push over.

Could it be that his binge drinking and partying is a form of acting out against you? He may even be telling himself he deserves a little unwinding after working at a restaurant all day and then coming home to walk on egg shells.

When a guy feels like this all it takes is for a girl to smile and laugh at his jokes and he is hooked.

At the very least quit escalating at the drop of a hat. If you feel your blood boiling step away. If he escalates, then create some space.

The best thing we learned how to do was create space between each other. To put off a fight till both of us cooled down.

Top
#2232740 - 03/22/12 08:25 PM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: greenblue90]
Jenna333 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 322
He honestly enjoys drinking. He likes to learn about alcohol. Wants to own a vineyard someday, etc. But yes, part of it has always been an escape away from me frown

I'll take your advice. Thank you. I'm sure you want to strangle me by now, lol!

Jason Mraz has a new song out that helps me. It's called I Won't Give Up.
_________________________
M & H 25
T 9
D 7
S 4
Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me.
Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out
2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other.
3-4-12 H moved back in.
3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done

Top
Page 16 of 20 < 1 2 ... 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 >


Moderator:  Jack_Three_Beans, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004