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#2231764 03/19/12 04:24 PM
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"My son, you've seen the temporary fire and the eternal fire; you have reached the place past which my powers cannot see. I've brought you here through intellect and art; from now on, let your pleasure be your guide; you're past the steep and past the narrow paths. Look at the sun that shines upon your brow; look at the grasses, flowers, and the shrubs born here, spontaneously, of the earth. Among them, you can rest or walk until the coming of the glad and lovely eyes-those eyes that, weeping, sent me to your side. Await no further word or sign from me: your will is free, erect, and whole-to act against that will would be to err: therefore I crown and miter you over yourself."

I was going to title this thread "Epilogue" or something along those lines, but then I saw Denver getting bunch of crap for saying his new thread was his last, so I came up with this instead. I find it to be quite fitting.

Here are my previous threads:

#1: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2122500&page=1

#2: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2132672&page=1

#3: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2138681&page=1

#4: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2151941&page=1

#5 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2173637&page=1

Just like Denver, I am at the point where I am tuckered out. Still stuck in limbo, but too worn out to be upset anymore.

Working on my update now. I will have it up by the end of the day.


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M: 35
W: 35
T14, M11
D9, S6
ILYBINILY: June 09
Unofficially Separated (long distance): 1/2/11
W came home: 3/17/11
EE: July 2012
Dropped the rope: Oct 2012
Piecing: April 2013
Not piecing: April 2014
Stuck.
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Navy:

I have been following your sitch right from the beginning. I sincerely hope that you find peace and happiness in however you want the direction of the your life story to go.


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Originally Posted By: Navyguy
"My son, you've seen the temporary fire and the eternal fire; you have reached the place past which my powers cannot see. I've brought you here through intellect and art; from now on, let your pleasure be your guide; you're past the steep and past the narrow paths. Look at the sun that shines upon your brow; look at the grasses, flowers, and the shrubs born here, spontaneously, of the earth. Among them, you can rest or walk until the coming of the glad and lovely eyes-those eyes that, weeping, sent me to your side. Await no further word or sign from me: your will is free, erect, and whole-to act against that will would be to err: therefore I crown and miter you over yourself."

I was going to title this thread "Epilogue" or something along those lines, but then I saw Denver getting bunch of crap for saying his new thread was his last, so I came up with this instead. I find it to be quite fitting.

Here are my previous threads:

#1: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2122500&page=1

#2: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2132672&page=1

#3: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2138681&page=1

#4: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2151941&page=1

#5 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2173637&page=1

Just like Denver, I am at the point where I am tuckered out. Still stuck in limbo, but too worn out to be upset anymore.

Working on my update now. I will have it up by the end of the day.


Cool Navy. Nice to hear from you.


M 43
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W moves out of home 11/2010
Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012
I request divorce 5/2012
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Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015
I leave 3/2016
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for that, navy... let me think about it, i'll find something to nail you with a 2x4 about... lol...

hey, where's that update...? day's almost over...!!!

smile

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Hey everyone. Here goes the long-overdue update.

At the end of my previous thread, I was working on putting my foot down with regards to being blamed for my W’s misery and her treatment of me. I’ve had some successes and some setbacks as a result of this. I can’t say that the setbacks are really unexpected, but they still hurt. W still blames me for her lot in life, and anytime I don’t put up with that, she gets PO’d.

My last real update was 4 weeks ago. (Yikes!) For most of that time, things have been fairly calm, but that is probably largely a result of me “sucking it up”. W had not been outwardly hostile toward me, but she is definitely going out of her way to make sure she’s not giving me any signs that she is interested in saving our M.

As before, I am stuck in limbo…and I am now convinced that for better or worse, only I can change this situation. Like 25 said in my previous thread…it’s been 3 years and W would have budged by now if she was going to at all.

Anyways….on to the latest and greatest:

I had previously mentioned that W and I were going to be attending a Navy Ball.

A couple weeks prior to the ball, I got a text from W’s “BFF” in Hawaii, saying W’s “BFF” in Ohio wants to text me with a good idea how to surprise W so she gave her my number. The next day I get a message from Ohio BFF. Her idea to surprise W was to go to the Ball with W since Hawaii BFF told her that I couldn’t go. Ohio BFF said it was Hawaii BFF’s idea and that Hawaii BFF said W was having a hard time. Then the message went on to tell me how bad her life has been since her D.

I have no idea where Hawaii BFF got the idea that I wasn’t going….I wasn’t sure if this was some underhanded way of them telling me W didn’t want me to go to the ball with her or something…so I responded nicely that I was planning to go to the ball and that I’m sure we can figure out another time for W and her to get together sometime soon.

Well, fast forward a couple weeks. We did go to the ball. It was last Saturday, the 17th – exactly one year after W came back from Colorado. W was looking forward to the ball…and had spent a good amount of time picking out a dress, getting her hair and nails done, etc.

So, we got ready on Saturday and headed out. We had plans to carpool with our friends that live nearby. These friends recently had a baby and I think it has definitely put some stress on their M. More on that later.

The ball was really nice and a good time. W and I both had plenty of the Bacchus, and we were sitting with a good group of friends. During dinner, W got a text on her phone from Ohio BFF, asking if she could come up to visit next weekend. W asked me if that was ok and I told her that I don’t see why that wouldn’t work. When W asked, she was holding up her phone where I could see the texts. The text from Ohio BFF prior to the invite said “Have fun and make the best of it”. I am just assuming here, but I’m pretty sure there’s probably a previous text from W that says something along the lines of “this is gonna suck having to go to the ball with H”. I didn’t want to ruin the night for myself, so I didn’t say anything.

So…given the whole “Navyguy isn’t going to the ball” thing and the text at the ball, I’m fairly certain that despite both Ohio and Hawaii BFF’s telling me recently how great I am and that they’re trying to help, they’re (intentionally or not, I’m not sure) really just adding fuel to the fire. It’s funny…I don’t have an OM in my situation, but the similarities between what I have read about EA’s and my sitch are kind of scary. The BFF’s were both “there for W” in her time of need, and she has basically developed an EA with them as a result of that. This comes up again later in the night…

After dinner and the formalities, they had dancing. W and I danced together for awhile…nothing slow or intimate, but just some fun stuff. We hung out there until about 11:30, and had a good time.

Now for the real fun….

We hopped in the car with the couple we rode with and who recently had a baby. They have what seems to me to be a not-so-healthy marriage, but they seem to be making it work…and who am I to judge anyways? The baby has stressed things more though. The W has been having some issues with H’s level of involvement with the baby, and has been venting to my W about it. The other W said she was hungry and wanted to stop at Taco Bell.

Her H said he wanted to get a Shamrock shake at McDonalds. So they went back and forth for a bit, and then my W chimes in that she wants a Shamrock shake too. Apparently she did so because she knows how stubborn the other H is and wanted him to get his way because she knew he wouldn’t give up, and had enough liquid courage in her to decide that she needed to get in the middle of it. I’m just sitting there in awkward silence the whole time. So we end up going to McDonalds, and other W is obviously pissed. Then they drop us off at home.

We go in, relieve the babysitter, and W seems to be in a decent mood. I put D6 in bed and then sat down with W to eat our food. I’m not sure who made the first comment, but we got to talking about our friends and the ride home. This is when W told me why she said she wanted the shamrock shake. I was surprised to hear that from her…I would think she would have sided with the other W and gone for the taco bell, but no. I didn’t say that to her though…I was mostly just listening.

Then W decides to say “you realize they’re going through the early stages of what we’ve been going through”. Ok fine…I understand that the other W is building resentment now, just like my W was when our D was born. But I see some huge differences between how other H and I. I don’t want to get into specifics since he is my friend, but some of the things I have heard he’s done and said really make me cringe.

So I respond to W: “I agree…but I don’t think that I ever treated you the way he treats his W. I was clueless and selfish at times, and at times was a far from perfect husband, but I don’t think I deserve to be lumped in with other H”.

And W exploded. All the same things we’ve gone over hundreds of times, but this was certainly the most she’s ever yelled…she was really screaming at me. “You mistreated me for 6 years. You didn’t listen when I told you how unhappy I was. You weren’t there for me and D when she was born. You are such a selfish person. You don’t understand what I went through. You obviously still don’t get it. You’re pushing me, forcing me to share the bed with you, I only came back because you guilted me into it, Etc. etc.”

I told W: “I understand you were unhappy, and I understand why. And as soon as I understood how unhappy you were (which I acknowledge was much later than it should have been) I did 4 things: figured out what I was doing wrong, stop doing it, own it and apologize for it, and learn how to start doing things right”.

W then told me I was changing my story and called me I liar. I told her I wasn’t and repeated the 4 things and that I know I have done them and will continue to learn how to be a better husband for the rest of my life.

Then W said she could never talk to me about anything and that is why she is so close to the BFFs. That every time they had a “girls night” it was so she could get away from being miserable with me.

W then brought up something I had told her about my IC sessions in a previous “talk”. I previously told W that both ICs (who I saw weekly for 4 months each) left with no understanding of why she refuses to work on our M. And I told them everything…and even defended her to them. Apparently W took this as me throwing her under the bus and blaming everything on her and then getting my IC’s to agree with me.

At this point W was screaming so loudly that I got up to leave…I couldn’t take being yelled at anymore. I told her I didn’t want to have this discussion tonight in the first place. But she kept going, and I got sucked back in, so I sat back down.

I don’t remember everything…but I do remember W said some pretty terrible things to me…most of which revolved around her wanting me to just take care of the kids and leave her alone. I stayed calm through the entire thing. I didn’t yell once. I didn’t attack her once. But I did defend myself the best I could. It is pretty hard though when she hates what I said before I even said it.

Eventually she got up to go to the bathroom. I just sat there on the floor for awhile. She came back out and had calmed down a bit. I told her: “I don’t want you to be miserable. And I don’t want to be miserable. I’m not forcing you to do anything here. I am doing everything I can to make your life better, yet it seems that I am also the reason you are miserable. I don’t understand why and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t want to give up…but I also don’t want you to be miserable anymore.”

We ended it there, and she went to get ready for bed. I went into our room and laid down for a second, then decided I didn’t want to sleep in the same bed as her. I went and slept (well, mostly just laid there awake) downstairs.

D6 came down in the morning to play Wii. Shortly after, W came downstairs. I looked at W…and the first thing she said was “sorry about last night”. I said “I’m sorry too”.

I have no idea exactly what she was apologizing for. Was it just for screaming at me? Does she feel bad about some of the things she said? Or did she actually realize she’s been so incredibly unforgiving? Or was she worried she had pushed me to the breaking point to where I was about to throw in the towel? I don’t know...I don't know what I was apologizing for either. I was probably still apologzing for my wrongs in the past.

Things have gone back to the old status quo. W spent all day in bed on Sunday because she hurt her neck. The kids and I took care of her. Yesterday she started a new round of classes for school…so she’s back to burying herself in schoolwork from the time I get home until bed.

(Sigh)

I know what I have to do. I have been through hell and purgatory. The difficult and painful part of this journey is over. It is time I take crown and miter over myself.

Saying that and doing it are certainly two different things, but I know that moment is coming soon.


BITS
M: 35
W: 35
T14, M11
D9, S6
ILYBINILY: June 09
Unofficially Separated (long distance): 1/2/11
W came home: 3/17/11
EE: July 2012
Dropped the rope: Oct 2012
Piecing: April 2013
Not piecing: April 2014
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Only observation about the ball was the "after" events where you said you "mostly" listened... as she had indicated to you (or you observed) it was probably the liquid courage that caused her to interfere with the dynamic of your friends and likely the reason for her exploding when you offered that you didn't quite behave the way friend H is...

On the BFFs, who knows... maybe they ARE trying to help... even though what you see might appear to be unhelpful...

I'm sure this is not helpful and I'm sure you know, but there appears to still be a lot of mind reading going on by you. I admit I've caught myself doing that, but it is becoming quite rare, now... I mostly just observe now... watch for subtle changes but not guessing what meaning any changes might have...

Originally Posted By: Navyguy
As before, I am stuck in limbo…and I am now convinced that for better or worse, only I can change this situation. Like 25 said in my previous thread…it’s been 3 years and W would have budged by now if she was going to at all.


I'm coming up on two years from the date that I can firmly say was the beginning of the end, although I could certainly say that I saw a lot of this coming (in hindsight) for at least a year prior to that... How long it has been for me isn't really important, but I agree that this long standing pain and limbo is painful and crazy making...

I agree with 25 in that it has been plenty of time to see the results of your efforts. What you have been doing has not been working if the results you have been hoping for was R. I came to this realization in my own sitch and have further committed myself to changing my efforts to change the sitch...

For what ever reason, of which I am no longer interested in figuring out, I remain a non-option for my W.

Point of origin, Limboland, her ship has sailed and I'm on a different boat headed for other parts...

and I'm OK with the course of my ship and possible destinations...

Chart a course or not, set sail my friend and make a difference in your life... I'm happy to not be in Limbo any more... cool

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Navy:

Man reading your last post was a deja Vu (minus the ball) on some convo's i had with my W in the past. Here's my take.

1: Great on handling W's BFF's. Kudos.

Quote:
I am just assuming here, but I’m pretty sure there’s probably a previous text from W that says something along the lines of “this is gonna suck having to go to the ball with H”. I didn’t want to ruin the night for myself, so I didn’t say anything.
Just my 2cents. Don't try to figure out what you dont see or hear directly. No point in it. Our minds have an awesome ability to exaggerate the worst fears. Recognize when you are trying to mind read and stop yourself. You really don't know what your W's earlier text to her BFF was. for all you know, it could have been something innocuous.

Quote:
Then W decides to say “you realize they’re going through the early stages of what we’ve been going through”
Either W is testing to see what your take is, or she sees your friend's and is reminded of the past. Either way, it was a trap.

Quote:
So I respond to W: “I agree…but I don’t think that I ever treated you the way he treats his W. I was clueless and selfish at times, and at times was a far from perfect husband, but I don’t think I deserve to be lumped in with other H”.

This is exactly how i used to respond in the past. Ditto. Thats because i used to take my W's comments personally. Yea, maybe she was trying to get you to react this way so that she can go off on you. Know what i do now? I try to be an observer to her comments. Not a participant. I then just acknowledge or if i feel that we are about to enter a war zone, i change topics with something interesting. In your case, you could have taken advantage of the nice mood she was in after the ball.

Quote:
And W exploded. All the same things we’ve gone over hundreds of times, but this was certainly the most she’s ever yelled…

Yup, that's how my W also used to bait me. Nowadays, If i am able to diffuse the situation, i bring it up with her and suggest that perhaps she is 'looping' these crazy scenarios in her mind. This is not something that should be left alone. Your wife needs to handle it at some point. Once she sees and recognizes how her resentment is destroying a potentially great R with you.

Quote:
Eventually she got up to go to the bathroom. I just sat there on the floor for awhile. She came back out and had calmed down a bit. I told her: “I don’t want you to be miserable. And I don’t want to be miserable. I’m not forcing you to do anything here. I am doing everything I can to make your life better, yet it seems that I am also the reason you are miserable. I don’t understand why and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t want to give up…but I also don’t want you to be miserable anymore.”
Could not have handled it better. I think that was good.

Quote:
D6 came down in the morning to play Wii. Shortly after, W came downstairs. I looked at W…and the first thing she said was “sorry about last night”. I said “I’m sorry too”.

I have no idea exactly what she was apologizing for.

Good that you guys said the apologies. I dont think she knows why she apologized either. Maybe she thought that by apologizing, it just make her feel better inside. See the problem here is that now she might end up adding the last evening's blowup onto her own resentment pile (not the one where you disappointed her, but where she is disappointing herself). This is what she needs to stop doing.

I think you guys can pull this off. You just need to become stronger.


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W left for 6 months in 2009
W Filed for D 01/03/11
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if all she wants from you is childcare but to leave her alone

ask her to leave & give you the kids so you can have a real wife/marriage.

This is not a marriage and apparently she's not interested in giving a thing to it.

Does she realize her treatment of you is unfair? Really?

If she feared losing you, it might make a difference.


Other than that, all I can say is

you need to live your life now. No more "on hold". I wish we knew what she apologized for...

but no matter if she's still cold to you. Navy, there are good people out here in the Real world...

your w is stuck in her misery.

Only being away from you and still being miserable, is likely to show her the truth.


Take back your life my friend...

((( )))


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
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H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
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X marries OW 5/2016

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Ugh Navy. I SO relate to you and your situation. Your W seems to have so much anger built up inside of her just like mine does. I believe that they both have to get that out, heal, forgive, and ultimately begin to trust again, before any true reconciliation can happen. That may never happen for either of us.

I see obvious signs that my W gets that and is now trying, but for a very long time, I didn't see evidence of that at all. But something that I have learned over the past couple of months, is that even when I wasn't seeing outward evidence that my W was trying, she was. She has been trying throughout our entire S. I suspect that your W is too.

The anger that she displays is clearly a sign of a lot of hurt. Whether or not you agree with the reasons for that hurt, it is real to her. I did a lot of bad things in my M that clearly hurt my W. But it seems that I get blamed for a lot that I didn't do.

Why? IMO, it's because of the anger that they had to build up to use as fuel to leave us. Without that fuel, they would never have had the strength to leave the M in the first place.

The residual of their doing that though is that they convinced themselves that we were the sole cause of all that is bad in their world. Some of that's true, some of it isn't.

But it is true for them right now.

NOTHING that you can do is going to change that.

Only time will heal her Navy. Time and Navy being the best person that he can possibly be.

I have a couple of 2x4's for you, but take them with a grain of salt. You have been at this for nearly as long as I have. Or longer. I don't recall. Point is, is that you are an experienced DBer and hardly need to be told that your choices or actions are right or wrong. But they are my thoughts on what happened after the ball.

Originally Posted By: Navyguy
I was working on putting my foot down with regards to being blamed for my W’s misery and her treatment of me. I’ve had some successes and some setbacks as a result of this. I can’t say that the setbacks are really unexpected, but they still hurt. W still blames me for her lot in life, and anytime I don’t put up with that, she gets PO’d.


Quick note here Navy. I think that there is a difference between not putting up with something, and pointing out that you and W have covered particular ground, that you have taken responsibility for your actions, apologized, and have taken steps to correct.

Personally, I don't think that it's a good idea to shut your W down when she wants to talk. Even if that talk is redundant statements of how bad of a H you were in her eyes. You want her to talk to you. You want her to get her anger out.

But if you say, "W, I'm no longer listening to this", I personally think that you are minimizing her feelings by telling her to stop talking.

How about trying, "W, I feel that we've talked about how bad I was a lot. I feel like I've apologized and sought forgiveness from you. And I feel that I've done a lot of work on myself so that I don't repeat my mistakes with you or anyone else ever again. But, if you want to talk about this some more, I will listen. I just don't have any more to say about it myself." Something like that? And then, just listen.

I know that you have done A LOT of this over the last year+. Maybe you are at the end of your rope. I would definitely understand that because there have been numerous times that I have felt that way. Only you can answer that though.

Originally Posted By: Navyguy
Then W decides to say “you realize they’re going through the early stages of what we’ve been going through”. Ok fine…I understand that the other W is building resentment now, just like my W was when our D was born. But I see some huge differences between how other H and I. I don’t want to get into specifics since he is my friend, but some of the things I have heard he’s done and said really make me cringe.

So I respond to W: “I agree…but I don’t think that I ever treated you the way he treats his W. I was clueless and selfish at times, and at times was a far from perfect husband, but I don’t think I deserve to be lumped in with other H”.


Here is my main 2x4. You minimized the way that she feels. It may not be based in reality or fact Navy, but it is true for her right now. And frankly, she didn't even accuse you of being similar to other W's H. At least not the way that you described the conversation.

I think that you can validate the way that she feels without necessarily agreeing.

"Yeah W, I definitely wish that we would never have had to go through that." And/Or, "I wish that I had never hurt you the way that I did."

Originally Posted By: Navyguy
And W exploded. All the same things we’ve gone over hundreds of times, but this was certainly the most she’s ever yelled…she was really screaming at me. “You mistreated me for 6 years. You didn’t listen when I told you how unhappy I was. You weren’t there for me and D when she was born. You are such a selfish person. You don’t understand what I went through. You obviously still don’t get it. You’re pushing me, forcing me to share the bed with you, I only came back because you guilted me into it, Etc. etc.”


Sounds an awful lot like my W during the SB weekend. She spewed such venom that weekend. She told me later that it felt good to just let all of that out.

I think that you handled it well. Except for choosing to go sleep in a different room. IMO, from experience, that is never, ever a good idea.

Originally Posted By: Navyguy
I told W: “I understand you were unhappy, and I understand why. And as soon as I understood how unhappy you were (which I acknowledge was much later than it should have been) I did 4 things: figured out what I was doing wrong, stop doing it, own it and apologize for it, and learn how to start doing things right”.

W then told me I was changing my story and called me I liar. I told her I wasn’t and repeated the 4 things and that I know I have done them and will continue to learn how to be a better husband for the rest of my life.


Right here. You totally contradicted yourself. Earlier you were saying how you were not that bad. But here, you talk about how you were bad, what you've learned, and what you've done to fix it. I don't think that you are a liar, but you did contradict yourself.

Originally Posted By: Navyguy
Then W said she could never talk to me about anything and that is why she is so close to the BFFs. That every time they had a “girls night” it was so she could get away from being miserable with me.


That's how she feels. That's how my W has felt. Very recently, I've told my W that I want her to feel safe in telling me everything and anything. And I've focused on doing a painful amount of listening to my W. About anything and everything... not just how bad I was... although there is still plenty of that at times.

It's weird, my W has a lot of interesting things to say. And she's excited about life in general. It's actually made me really happy to see that side of my W.

Originally Posted By: Navyguy
We ended it there, and she went to get ready for bed. I went into our room and laid down for a second, then decided I didn’t want to sleep in the same bed as her. I went and slept (well, mostly just laid there awake) downstairs.


Again, IMO, never a good idea to leave the marital bed. I will never do it again.

Originally Posted By: Navyguy
D6 came down in the morning to play Wii. Shortly after, W came downstairs. I looked at W…and the first thing she said was “sorry about last night”. I said “I’m sorry too”.


I actually think that her apology is a very good thing. A sign that she still cares, and possibly a sign that she is trying in her own way.

I don't know Navy. I get that nothing seems to be progressing with your sitch. I do. I'm not sure if the answer is for you to tell her that you don't want her to be unhappy and offer her the chance to begin the D process, or if the answer is for you to just give her more space and time. Whatever wounds that she has that she puts on you took years to inflict, that is obvious. Maybe you just haven't given this enough time for those wounds to heal. THAT is definitely my situation, but that does not mean that they are the same.

Good luck my friend... with whatever you choose to do.

Denver


M 43
X 38
T 13
W moves out of home 11/2010
Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012
I request divorce 5/2012
W moves home 6/2012
Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015
I leave 3/2016
process of divorce
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 539
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NavyGuy,

Starting to read through your threads again.

I know you are getting tired from the (apparent) lack of progress, but stop trying to talk her out of her feelings/convince her that she should not resent you.

Let her resent you all she wants. The issue is whether or not you allow yourself to be subjected to acts of resentment. That's your choice.

If she is to stop resenting you and choose to get over her hurt (or come to you saying she wants to work with you on getting over her hurt), it will have to come from her. If you are getting tired of her resenting you, the solution is not to tell her to stop resenting you or that she should have stopped resenting you by now. Telling her what she should be feeling or doing "by now" is a sure way to get her to keep resenting you.


Me-53
W-49
D22,D18,D15
T-Since-12/2001
Married-9/2004
She Moved Out-5/28/2010
Piecing start-04/2011
Now-together
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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
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