Yankee--I am sorry you are going through this situation also. It really is not fun!! I do want to back off and not do much for his birthday, so the e-card is a good idea. I was not going to get him a gift or anything. It's so tough because I feel like I'm walking on eggshells at times.
JKS--I am not sure what he feels about the dating situation. He was fine and more open with me yesterday when we were on a date, but I felt like I backslid at times. If I was happy the WHOLE time, then I think it would have gone better for both of us, but it did end on a good note. We've only been on one date and he didn't seem hesitant. He came over, on time, and we were together for 2 hours, which is the most I've been with him in a month.
I guess I've always told myself that if I have to think too much about doing something, then it's probably not the right decision. But a part of me, does tell me to ask him for ice cream, because with our schedules, we won't even be able to see each other until next Monday or Tuesday and that's it. Then,we both go on separate vacations....I don't know. I'm still so torn!
M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!) EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12 H introduces OW to his fam: June H moves ALL stuff out: July
I like the ecard idea too. All I got for my H and all he got for me was a text. "happy birthday" Done and done!! LOL!
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
H let out the dog today and left a note saying he fed them and took the dog for a walk. This was something we talked about on our date and in counseling...that I would like to know if he fed the animals so I know to feed them or not when I get home. I see it as a good thing that he left the note.
I, then, texted him saying "Thank you for leaving the note. I appreciate it. Just wondering if you want to get ice cream tomorrow after class....let me know." My DB coach did say that I could throw it out there to get ice cream and see if he responds, so I did. Then...nothing! I'm pretty sure he saw my text because I sent it before he would have gone into work. It hurts me that he didn't text me back, but I guess there is still 24 hours before the actual ice cream and he is letting the dog out again tomorrow, so we will see..I can only pray and hope and then if he doesn't get ice cream with me, I'll take the dog for a long walk and get some ice cream myself!
M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!) EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12 H introduces OW to his fam: June H moves ALL stuff out: July
H still has not responded to my text. I'm assuming it is a 'no' and I'm not going to ask him for tonight. If he doesn't respond, I'm going to let it go and just see what happens. That's the right thing to do...right?
As for GAL, I am going to my Zumba class tomorrow and have meetings set up for work to keep me busy and have made plans for this weekend to meet up with friends. I leave for vacation in a week and can't wait. It's going to be a little weird because I'm staying with mutual friends of ours. Overall, I think it will be good though!
M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!) EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12 H introduces OW to his fam: June H moves ALL stuff out: July
Stay busy. That will be the best thing for you right now. These are the times that you're going to want to ask questions, like why don't you want to go out with me? Why don't you respond? It is his way of creating space. Give him what he needs right now.
I'm glad you're going on vacation. What a great way to go out and try new things. However, you may want to be careful about venting to mutual friends while you're there just for the sake of information getting back to your H. It may be a great way to show people that you're doing ok and your life continues. Messages may be relayed back to your H that you're doing really well. Which can cause much intrigue on your H's side of things.
Your sitch is hard because I don't know that I really know what the things are that your H is having a hard time with YOU. It seems like his issues are coming from within him. Maybe you could elaborate on that more... or maybe you don't even really know yet... LOL!
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
These are the times that you're going to want to ask questions, like why don't you want to go out with me? Why don't you respond?
What I was trying to say here was, you'll feel like you want to ask these things BUT DON'T!! Sorry, just wanted to clarify.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
He just texted me back saying he had a bad day, didn't sleep well, and counseling for him today was crap, so he was going to go home after class and sleep. I responded with "I'm sorry you had a bad day and counseling did not go well. Rain check sounds good. Let me know when you're free for ice cream or our next date." I guess the ball is in his court again...
As for his issues with me, the only things he has come up with in DB coaching is that he didn't feel appreciated this past year when he was trying to make things up to me for breaking my trust a year and a half ago. (He did the same thing where he blew up about life and wanted out of everything. Three months after the blow up, he said it was a form of suicide and he knew I was the one and that he needed to look at the positives in his life.) He did try to gain my trust back and show me he loved me, but he said that he felt like it wasn't enough for me and that we, as a couple, did not make enough progress.
He also said that I don't get along with his family as much, which is not completely true. I've had issues with his mom, but we have been working on those. Other than that, he has written in a letter to take to his counselor and has stated in DB coaching that he has a near perfect/great wife, but his feelings just aren't there anymore. It's sooo confusing! Because in just November, he wrote an email to me telling me how wonderful I am and how I'm the one and that he wants to talk about the future more...Then it went downhill after the New Year when I said I wasn't completely happy that I didn't fully trust him that he was in this relationship for the long haul. The reason I felt this way was because he never truly found out why this happened a year and a half ago...
M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!) EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12 H introduces OW to his fam: June H moves ALL stuff out: July
He did try to gain my trust back and show me he loved me, but he said that he felt like it wasn't enough for me and that we, as a couple, did not make enough progress.
Were you both going to MC or IC at all during this time? What kind of steps were REALLY being taken?
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
We went to MC the first three months, but then the MC said that my H should seek IC counseling because the MC said that we had worked on most of our marital issues. I do think that we should have returned to MC last year, but things seemed a lot better at times. I was happy with him and knew he was making changes.
He started calling me more at work/in the morning, texting me on his breaks at work. We went on more vacations/trips together and just really tried to enjoy each other. He was spending more time at home and less time with work friends (who I didn't particular like). We could have definitely worked on our communication and sharing of feelings, because that is where we are now. Neither one of us is very good at sharing our feelings...we tend to keep things inside and then it blows. We don't fight...we just don't know how to articulate how we are really feeling.
I truly believe we can get back what we have lost with more communication and spending loving time with each other, but he's so distant now that I don't see how this could possibly happen in a way. It's just a mess and more than anything, I want him home.
I'm not sure what to do about setting up our next date, because I am mad that he couldn't take 20 minutes out of his night last night to grab ice cream. I just don't understand his distance with life, in general.
M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!) EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12 H introduces OW to his fam: June H moves ALL stuff out: July
