Husband left me...feel hopeless

[nhmom]

He said "thanks" and didn't ignore your text. So why the "uggh"?

Maybe you shouldn't have called him on his birthday to discuss the finances...if the talk leads to bad feelings on his side, you wouldn't want him to blame you for "ruining" his birthday, right?

It seems hard at this point, but try not to have any expectations. Give him space and let him figure things out on his own. It's hard to sit back and watch someone struggle..and to feel helpless.

Try to focus on good things for yourself and GAL.

[hopingandpraying]

The "ugggh" I guess is because I just want more, but I know I'm not getting that right now.

Sorry, I should have explained the finances better. I checked our account to make sure all money had been deposited for both of our jobs and his check was less than it normally is and I just wanted to make him aware, because when he picks up his paystub, he never looks at it. He always just shreds it. He seemed surprised that it was lower and said he'll have to look into it. I just said "just wanted to let you know and have a good night at work." He said "Thanks" and that he'd give me a call later this weekend. (which I doubt, but whatever!)

I am trying really hard to focus on me, which I have become a lot better at doing the past 5 weeks that we've been separated. It's just so hard because I just want him around.

[nhmom]

Steph -

birthdays or other special occasions make it even harder for us in our current sitch's. We want to share those special moments with our S, but we have to accept that this may be one time where we can't, at least not the way we are used to or should.

Thanks for explaining the finances call. I'm glad it didn't take a negative turn. It seems that most of the time the word "finances" is used on this board, it's usually not in a good context.

Your H said he may call later this week. This is your chance to work on no expectations. If he does call, great. If he doesn't, don't be upset about it.

What kinds of things have you been doing in terms of GAL?

[hopingandpraying]

You are so right about the birthdays and other occasions. I do think I have been pretty good about giving him his space. We've only talked on the phone like 3 times since the separation and have only seen each other 3 times (2 of those times at DB coaching).

Yes, the finances was not meant to be a negative call.

I do need to work on no expectations. I have become better about that, too....not great, but better. I guess I do have expectations for us now, because our DB coach said to start seeing each other more and opening lines of communication in a positive way. We saw each other once this past week and are supposed to see each other twice this week and just talk about life...positive things...not our R.

As for GAL, I started taking a Zumba class and reading more. I am talking to friends more and going out, but it's not what I really want to do. I'm forcing myself to do these things. I have also been investing more time in my job, so it keeps me busy. I have also started to take my dog for longer walks.

[nhmom]

Love Zumba! I try to go at least once a week. It always puts me in a good mood.

Don't force yourself to do things you don't want. You should be enjoying yourself! Maybe take on a new hobby? Remember, you're here to work on yourself...do something that you like.

That's great that you're working on creating regular face to face contact. Use the time well, make sure you look your best, think about your 180's, etc.

[hopingandpraying]

Thanks for the advice! I try to make sure I look my best and be the girl who he fell in love with 8 years ago...in order to be a better me and show the best of myself!

What improvements have you seen in yourself? Maybe I can get great ideas from you!

[jks]

Special occasions are hard... I would agree 100%. But try to look at the grand scheme of things. Several months apart and missing a birthday is nothing compared to having the rest of your lives together. This is all worth it.

Have you ever tried yoga? I don't know if you're in to that sort of thing... but it was seriously my sanctuary when I was at my worst. I ended every class in tears but felt so genuinely in tune with the universe and living a better life that the pain was so much more bearable. And it just makes your body feel good when you're done.

I feel for ya, girl.

[hopingandpraying]

You are absolutely right about this possibly being one birthday that I could miss in relation to the rest of our lives. That's what I keep telling myself about this whole situation...that hopefully it will only be a few months and then we have the rest of our lives together. I do try to keep a positive attitude about it, but it's hard because a part of me knows my H and how stubborn he can be once he makes a decision. Once he is closed off, it's hard to get back in...

I should try Yoga and Pilates. I used to love Pilates and only tried Yoga once in college. I, mean, I cry every night anyways...why not get a good workout too?!?!

[nhmom]

What improvements have you seen in yourself? Maybe I can get great ideas from you!

You've asked a very good question...one that made me think a little. What improvements have I seen in myself?

I've come to accept that there is a life ahead of me, whether it is with H or without.

I realize that H is going through some sort of a crisis and he needs to figure a way out of it on his own.

I stopped snooping. In my case there is an OW. I was looking in our phone records for her number. Seeing it would set me off.

I have a S4, so GAL can be a challenge sometimes. I do, however, try to enjoy and appreciate the time I spend with S4. I also realize that H is responsible for his R with S4, so I try not to get upset if I think that H should do something w/ or for S4.

I still have a long road ahead of me and have many things to work on, but I can honestly say that I feel like I'm in a better place emotionally. Just knowing and accepting that I will be fine w/ or w/o H makes me feel at peace.

My H has been away on business for 2 weeks and is coming back tomorrow. Who knows what my emotional state will be like in a day or two

I do agree with giving yoga a try. I'm slowly getting into it, and I agree that it is so good for the body as well as your mind.

[hopingandpraying]

I do realize that he is also going through some internal crisis but its so hard because I want to help but I know he does.not want my help.

My h also had or has ow that he works with. He claims they only talk at work now.and have stopped.the out of work talking so I'm choosing to believe him and to stop thinking about it. I'm also not going to bring her up ever again because it only causes me more pain.

I know my life will be okay without my h but that's nit what I want or envision myself doing. I really do think we have something special...I just hope he sees that again and lets me back in his.heart.