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#2231354 - 03/16/12 11:24 PM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: Jenna333]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Jenna - as hard as it is for both of you, you both are to be commended for the work you are doing. I really have faith in you. Does J have somewhere we he can bounce around ideas like we do here? It's to bad HE couldn't talk to us like you do. He would really benefit from some of us guys who were in his shoes not so long ago.

If he has no one like that I'd be happy to talk with him. W and I were in your shoes in the 90's.

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#2231378 - 03/17/12 12:48 AM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: rickb89]
Jenna333 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 322
Thanks Rick. He has friends (and his brother) to talk to, but I don't know if he really talks about us and receives advice. Most of his friends are in no place to give advice about relationships.
_________________________
M & H 25
T 9
D 7
S 4
Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me.
Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out
2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other.
3-4-12 H moved back in.
3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done

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#2231405 - 03/17/12 08:25 AM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: Jenna333]
greenblue90 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/09/11
Posts: 685
Most people our age aren't equipped to give good advice. Unless you're open to getting 2x4'ed the only way most people learn is when life provides the smacking.

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#2231935 - 03/19/12 10:19 PM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: greenblue90]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Hi Jenna! Hope you're well and J as well!

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#2231969 - 03/20/12 01:10 AM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: rickb89]
Jenna333 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 322
Hey Rick smile We are doing all right. We got into it earlier today when he brought up a poker game this week and I got upset. I just wish he would stop thinking about going out so dang much right now! We're at such a crucial point in our R right now, and his going out has only hurt us. We talked and he is trying to accept that I'm not trying to control him. It's frustrating. Controlling him is not what I want at all. I just want that worry out of our R for now, while we focus on more important things. If he would have been responsible, it wouldn't be an issue.

Counseling tomorrow morning. We're not very psyched for it. We'll try to get everything we can out of it.
_________________________
M & H 25
T 9
D 7
S 4
Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me.
Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out
2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other.
3-4-12 H moved back in.
3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done

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#2232024 - 03/20/12 09:30 AM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: Jenna333]
nhmom Offline
Member

Registered: 12/20/11
Posts: 345
I feel your frustration, Jenna, but don't spend too much energy on getting upset over his choices. You have the right to expect some sort of commitment to your R...something that's more than just words.

He told you a few days ago that he'd take a break from going out, but he's not holding true to it.

Good luck in C!
_________________________
Me:32 H:34 T:14.5 M:9.5 S:5 BD: 11/25/11



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#2232112 - 03/20/12 02:27 PM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: nhmom]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 10349
Here's where you need to understand that it is in this stage that you have step up the DB things you've learned. This includes GAL.

You are going back to the same behaviors that caused him to question the relationship in the first place. If you continue to pressure and not have him come to you, he will leave again.

I can't stress this enough. So many people find themselves in Piecing and then throw their DBing efforts out the window. You have to continue them more than ever.

I understand that you want him around all the time, but he needs a little bit of leeway. Tell him with what you're comfortable with (how often he can get out) and discuss. You are pressuring him based on YOUR expectations. Well he has expectations as well. It's important to hear those as well. After all he was the one who left.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2232267 - 03/20/12 11:11 PM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: MrBond]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Jenna 007 ^^^^^ makes good sense. Think about it. Too much control means not enough trust. Jenna - you and J have to work to find answers that are mutually beneficial. You guys can do this.

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#2232302 - 03/21/12 04:48 AM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: rickb89]
greenblue90 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/09/11
Posts: 685
Ditto mr bonds comment

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#2232394 - 03/21/12 01:16 PM Re: Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing [Re: greenblue90]
Jenna333 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 322
It's mostly the drinking that has me worried. If he wanted to go out and play video games, golf, whatever, I'd be fine with it! I'm all for friend/alone time. But he goes out to bars and whatnot where he gets hammered even when he says he won't. We addressed all of this in counseling yesterday. I don't fear him being away from me, like I used to, I just won't stand for broken promises and being with someone who acts 18 rather than 25 with 2 kids.

He did leave, yes, but when we got back together, I was not desperate for it. I was moving on. I don't feel like he's been any more at risk of leaving during Pur hard times since getting back together than I've been.

He's apologized for bringing up the poker game and not considering my feelings. We spent done time together yesterday after C at Barnes & Noble and had a nice time. We laughed and cuddled as we fell asleep last night after I got home from school smile

Then I had dreams all night of him cheating on me with the coworker. AHHH!
_________________________
M & H 25
T 9
D 7
S 4
Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me.
Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out
2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other.
3-4-12 H moved back in.
3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done

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