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A Message from Michele
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#2232289 - 03/21/12 05:55 AM Need Some Advice (Again)
sinjin Offline

Registered: 06/17/04
Posts: 127
Loc: Pacific NW
I was last on this in 2004. Learned alot and put it to good use. Actually found another and am madly in love - now for the strange twist.

The woman I love has been struck with a very rare illness. She hid it for a long time (from everyone) but now it is out in the open. She was a very athletic person, and this disease has made it so she can't work out, and the treatment (steroids) makes her gain water weight. This disease can be treated and lived with for an extended time - but she hid it for so long that it is going to be touch and go. She is a very accomplished person and loved by all - she is a fantastic mother to a 9 year old.

The fact she is sick changes not a thing how I feel about her - I am crazy for her. Before this came up, we were crazy for each other.

Now suddenly she says things like "this isn't fair to you, you deserve better" (a kick in the gut, but I can handle it).

The worst thing for me is she is very jealous of any woman that is ever around me - then uses that to pick fights about pretty much nothing. (you should be with her, you always talk about women, etc) At first I made the common mistakes, trying to rationalize it to her, point out that I had done nothing and that I understood her motivation to act that way, she is "the one", etc. It drove a wedge between us very quickly.

So I know I need to act the opposite than that - but am struggling with how. If I am just quiet, she turns that into me not being happy with her. If I try to have a conversation with her about whatever the issue may be - invariably she can find fault with what I say and turn that into something quite major. If I try to stay by her side and just support her - she is cold. If I try to give her space - then I am being cold.

I feel like I am wasting precious seconds with her that I don't want to waste - it's killing me. Plus I fear it may soon be too late - she has lately been saying that this is why she was single for so long, it was just easier - and it shouldn't be this hard.

So any ideas would be appreciated. This site was like finding treasure last time I needed it :-)


#2232370 - 03/21/12 03:45 PM Re: Need Some Advice (Again) [Re: sinjin]
Cadet Offline


Registered: 11/24/09
Posts: 12142
Loc: NY
Welcome back.

Did you read the DB book or DR book, maybe if you still have it you should re-read it?

I might suggest reading the book the five love languages, find out what is your LL and what is hers.

Speak with actions not words.

Believe her actions not her words.

Keep posting.
Me-64, D31,S30


Moderator:  Virginia 

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