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I mean our journey right now. Ups and downs, sitch up scary, friends here, soothing.

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Beautiful post, barely. You are finding your way through this.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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I feel you pain, literally, with the swollen eyes. I can't even get my contacts in this morning. I am praying today is a good day for you. ((((barely))))


-Autumn

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(((BF))) I think this trip will not only be good for your kids, but for you as well.

I can definitely relate to this:

Originally Posted By: barely floating
there were moments when the kids were asleep.. the tears would just stream down my face as i was racing down the highway. i felt so much pain.. anger.. frustration.. i kept hearing H's words to me and i was so hurt. and i thought about this.. i have been through adversities in the past but i never expected those people to protect me. in the past, i had been so hesitant in relationships because i never wanted to end up divorced like my parents (and their's was not an amicable one). so when i met H, i took a chance.. and trusted he would not hurt me.. and when he said what he did.. it was the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me because i trusted him w/ my heart.


But then I think, if I hadn’t trusted, where would I be? What kind of person would I be? I would have missed out on the good times we did have. I wouldn’t take those moments back for anything. Even if my M doesn’t make it. You wouldn’t have your wonderful children to hug and kiss, and love on. I don’t have that, and can’t imagine how incredibly strong you have to be to protect your kids during this kind of situation. You are to be saluted for that! (I really need to figure out a salute emoticon. LOL)

Originally Posted By: barely floating
there was a point when i was driving.. i was listening to il divo... looking up at the grey skies.. and just thought to myself.. there is so much beauty all around me. my tears changed from sadness to awe. in that moment, i felt like my life was so insignificant. that my situation was so minor compared to many others before me. yes i was hurting.. but i was here.. surrounded by beauty and knowing that my children were healthy and with me.


The fact that you could change your thinking when all around you it seems your world is falling apart is AMAZING. Keep that. Hold tight to it.

I hope you’re having a good day today!


Me:37
H:GONE

Happy and loving life.
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autumn - my eyes were so puffy i had problems w/ my contacts too! lol.

roro - you're right.. i can't regret this relationship because i have 2 incredibly beautiful children. and when they come to me just to cuddle or get random kisses.. it trully is worth it. how's this for a salute? =@ sort of like the fist bump but just one.. with the 2 fingers saluting? do you see it?? lol

i'm going home tomorrow. was supposed to leave friday but now decided to leave tomorrow after lunch instead.

there have been moments where i watched my kids play and thought how beautiful their little lives are.. but there have also been moments of incredibly sadness and heartache.. thinking that this is it.. and remembering H's words to me.. and the silence (apart from the waves) which i often find comforting is killing me.

i need my family.. i need my friends..

yesterday i felt.. done. today, the pain is still there but somewhat dulled.. my gf sent me an email that said i needed to remember that H's words were said to the person i use to be and am not anymore. H may or may not ever know how much i have changed but if he didn't.. it was his huge loss. words that brought me to tears (seems to have happened a lot in these past couple of days) but something i so needed to hear.

i sent H an email letting him know that we may leave tomorrow rather than friday. just wanted to give him a heads up. he sent a message back asking whether i wanted him to be there to help us up or whether i preferred to have some space. either or. i didn't know what to say! thought about accuray's words on someone else's thread about how they needed to act as if they were a catch and not someone to be so easily discarded (he didn't say it in those exact words). i didn't know how to relay that so i finally settled on.. "i'm unsure what time we'll be back. we may not be home until late. if you are there when we get home then i'm sure the kids will be happy. if not i'll figure it out. have a good night". hmmmm... looking back i could have worded it better. i added in the have a good night because i didn't want to be so unfeeling. oh well.

i am a beautiful woman. educated.. loving.. supportive.. compassionate.... ummmmm.. i recycle.. i shower daily.. any man would be lucky to be with me! lol. i'm going to have to keep repeating this until i believe it. i'm awesome!!!

question.. how do you know when you've crossed the line between just being confident to insanely vain and obnoxious??


Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11
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Oh Barely, you crack me up! Recycle, shower daily! And yes you are awesome. Also have a very smart gf. Confidence is good, and you are so not obnoxious. Hang in and have a safe trip home. I am so jealous you get kisses from kids. Mine are so far away. I really miss the nightly hugs I used to get from H. Right up to the bomb day. Take care.

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Just a funny, like 2 weeks ago when wind was really blowing, I didn't even put out the garbage, but I recycled. Next day so mad, container gone, well somebody took it. Actually it blew across the street sort of hidden in neighbors yard. I TOO am a recycler! But maybe I only shower every other day! Hope you have a good day!

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Originally Posted By: barely floating
i am a beautiful woman. educated.. loving.. supportive.. compassionate.... ummmmm.. i recycle.. i shower daily.. any man would be lucky to be with me! lol. i'm going to have to keep repeating this until i believe it. i'm awesome!!!


Yes you are all of these and don't forget it. Unless your H is blind or stays in his guarded shell for the rest of eternity he WILL see this and have doubts. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

Do you wear deoderant?


Me- 34 W-33
S15 S10 S6
Married- 11 Together- 18
Bomb- 6-2011
WAW moves out- 8-2011

"Nothing in the Universe can stop you from letting go and starting over at anytime"- Guy Finley
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Originally Posted By: barely floating
i am a beautiful woman. educated.. loving.. supportive.. compassionate.... ummmmm.. i recycle.. i shower daily.. any man would be lucky to be with me! lol. i'm going to have to keep repeating this until i believe it. i'm awesome!!!


LOL at showering and recycling! I think you're a great catch smile

Whatever your H is saying, it is not directed at you. He's protecting his own stupid decisions and will say anything to feel good about it.

Sorry you have to cut your trip short. Have a safe drive home!


Me:32 H:34 T:14.5 M:9.5 S:5 BD: 11/25/11


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Quote:
question.. how do you know when you've crossed the line between just being confident to insanely vain and obnoxious??

You've got a long way to go before you get there.

I've found that when I go thru those almost unbearable painful times, I come out with a different level of acceptance.

Hope the same for you.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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