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Originally Posted By: ces67
When I let go of expectations, I feel better and even hopeful, then that hope leads me back to expectations before I realize it. Gotta get out of that cycle.


I'm right there with you. It's hard to balance. Hope is such a precious but dangerous thing. Just try to keep reminding yourself to have no expectations.

It really sounds like we're experiencing some similar things in our sitches, I'll hope for you to keep seeing the small improvements. I'll certainly pray for it.


Me: 31
W: 28
M: almost 6
T: 10.5
S2
Bomb#1: 05/11
Bomb#2: 11/11
S'd: 11/28/11
Moved back in: 12/28/11
MC: 06/28/12

...what is it about the 28th day of the month?
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ces67 Offline OP
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Thanks 10!


Me:45, W:45
S:16 D:13
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
Putting finances in order for "D"
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
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the expectations.. vicious cycle. been there many times.. lol.

how are you liking your new office?


Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11
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ces67 Offline OP
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Love my new office! Best view in the entire building. It's still weird to me when one of my staff walks in and closes the door though! I have 6 direct reports and they are all women. I told them for ethical reasons that during our 1 on 1 meetings, the others had to take turns standing on the balcony watching through the window as a "chaperone" for each other to verify nothing inappropriate takes place!

W seems to be in a mood tonight. During dinner I was asking my son some questions about his day and I notice that my wife appears to be smirking and shaking her head. I ask her if something is wrong. She just says "no". When I thank her for dinner she just replies "uh huh". So I ask her again. Same reply. So I tell her what I saw her do at dinner and that it felt like I was irritating her for some reason. She said she didn't even remember what I was saying. So I replied that I must have misread her and apologized and left it at that.

I was not mean and focused my words to express how I felt rather than what she did. I was matter of fact about it and just felt like I didn't need to be disrespected in front of my kids. That's a 180 for me s I would not have called her out on the behavior in the past.


Me:45, W:45
S:16 D:13
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
Putting finances in order for "D"
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,030
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ces67 Offline OP
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Not sure what came over me but I asked my wife to consider attending Retrovaille with me. There is a session in our area in September.

The past 2 nights when I thanked W for dinner she has replied "uh huh" rather than with thank you. Last night I asked her if anything was wrong, tonight I ignored it.

While w was cleaning up after dinner, I told her I would appreciate if she would consider something. I explained that I had red about a communication seminar that focused on marriage. Tild her it wasn't until September and if I sent her info on it would she look at it?

She said she would look at it but the tone made me feel as if the chances of her agreeing are slim. I will send her the info tomorrow by e-mail and then leave it for a month or so.

But hey, I put it out there. I have no expectations and I don't regret it.


Me:45, W:45
S:16 D:13
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
Putting finances in order for "D"
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,855
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hi ces - i like the way you described the "cycle" - it's bang on!!

gives me one more thing to work on (grin)


me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"

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CES I have found through this sitch that the WAS is completely and fully focused only on themselves. No courtesy at all can be expected and thd fact that you're their partner doesn't factor in at all. Until you realize this you will continue to be dumbfounded by the sheer rudeness and double standards.

I think your right to offer the program to her but don't be suprised if you never hear a response. To a WAS everthing is about them and no common courtesy exists whatsoever.

What we are told about DB'ing seems to be true in that you have to say goodbye to it all, and really accept the M is over. That's why there so much focus on GAL. Its either that or be a slave to this sitch.

I know how hard it is not to hold out hope on every little thing and to constantly temp check. The problem with that is you are giving your happiness over and control of your life over to a WAS.

Your and incredibly deep and thoughtful person. Keep remembering your strengths and keep your faith and you will get stronger every day!

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^^^^^^=@@=


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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^^^^^^^ =@@=!! So true and sooo frustrating, etc.. With ya CES!!


Me- 34 W-33
S15 S10 S6
Married- 11 Together- 18
Bomb- 6-2011
WAW moves out- 8-2011

"Nothing in the Universe can stop you from letting go and starting over at anytime"- Guy Finley
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Sometimes when limbo becomes the norm for an extended period of time we want and need to mix things up a bit. Asking your W to consider Retrouvaille seems like a good way to achieve that.

As long as you are truly ok if she blows you off on this, then I see no issue broaching the subject. It's the expectations that will get you every time. I know!

So whats the latest on the Tee shirt?


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
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