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I just want you to know that I'm taking E (our son) with me to SC. We will be moving in June. You are more than welcomed to move there, or you can chose to stay, or move back to Malaysia, since you have a hard time with work. It's up to you.
Man Alamo, that was mean. Because that was a similar thing my wife threw on me last year.
Yup I think you should see a L ASAP. Don't think of anything but your kid right now. Yea it hurts when your spouse says the things she did. But you really should cut the rope.
Good luck man
BITS M 35 W 32 D 4 Married 11 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
Wow, I really appreciate all y'all's replies and concerns!
I'm sorry for being absent for so long. My parents have been visiting from Malaysia, my starting a new job at John Muir Medical and a few other things have kept me from spending extended periods of time at the computer (which is a good thing, IMO).
When this news about my wife and her intentions occurred, one of the first things I did was contact my L and paralegal team about this.
That said, these few weeks talking about it with more people, i.e. family, parents, close friends, praying - has given me a new light on things. So there are a couple of things I want/hope to do now:
- I will strongly consider moving IF and only IF my wife is willing to go to a 50-50 share of our son (right now it's 70-30 in her favor), AND in writing, of course. If she refuses, I'll invoke the right to keep our son in the state.
- Find out more about the ins-and-outs of divorce law in SC. I've been reading up on it online, but have inquired from my legal team if they might have more appropriate insight/knowledge.
Labug/25 - to answer your question, my wife is going into family practice with an emphasis in OB-GYN.
Your prayers and thoughts are helping, even if it's not where I want things to be, but my soul and heart have strengthened...thanks y'all! My better self is benefiting me and our son, no doubt.
UPDATE 6pm Wife comes over and asks if I still have some of her things, such as her bibles, etc. She exclaims that I should give them to her since I have no use for them. She also adds that she has given me my stuff, so I should do the same.
Uh helloooo...I don't think you have -- you haven't given my time with our son back.
Here's the funny thing, she found a pack of her old med-school homemade flash cards I have stored in the garage and took them. But you know something? I don't think she remembers that when she moved out of our home, she actually dumped the cards in a garbage bag and placed them in our office paper bin. Lucky her that I had the sense to keep them.
Anyway, we couldn't figure out where her "things" are, so I told her that I'm about to go through the garage soon and organize it, so if I find her things, I'd set them aside. (Do you think it's bending over backwards too much? I was trying to be genuinely helpful.)
The more I think about it though, I remember donating quite a lot of her things a year ago, so we'll see what I can find.
As an aside, my soul and heart is going through some tumultuous times -- two nightmares about my wife over the weekend kinda does that to you. The second one was either a dream or a nightmare. In it we finally got a point where we said let's start from scratch. Towards the end of it, I strongly recall her turning around and saying: "I love you, Alamo". Then we kissed like we never kissed before. I also recall how strong my emotions were in the dream and when I woke up, which were a mixture of extreme happiness and sudden sadness.
Update 5:51pm I don't know where to start (or end). This past couple of day my wife has gone nuts, and the sad thing is, she's been able to press my buttons with what she says.
The past couple of days she started asking for her things that I still have in my house. She went into this whole schpeel about how she's entitled to take her and our son's things; that I just can't go and donate them or sell them off (and pocket the profit). She told me that I haven't changed, that I'm still not a man because I filed married joint for our taxes and not separately and pocketed the return. (I told her it's hers if she wants to come back to within the confines of this marriage).
She kept saying that she could still tell that I was lying to her from the way my right cheek indent, just like always. Totally bogus science, of course. There's micro-expressions, body language and vocal queues that all have to be carefully taken into account, not some quick study. I futilely told her that even if she was reading "an" emotion from me, it's not lying, it's guilt. I did since the beginning -- from doing porn, from lying about, from the pain.
Today, she basically showed up early and walked into my garage and started going through boxes and taking what she figured she deserves. I don't feel like going into the entire conversation(s), because I'm worn out and pissed that I get drawn into this again. Plus, all she brought up was basically the same-line script she's used forever, except more aggressively; I guess she's trying to make sure she doesn't lose/leave anything important before she has to leave for SC.
After thinking it through, I think all she did today and yesterday was:
a. Try to justify her actions (leaving, filing for divorce) by repeating the same lines over and over and over again, i.e. Alamo -- you're a liar, you haven't changed, you will always hurt me.
b. Expose our son to some negative conversations. I talked to him about when I picked him from daycare today. I apologized for last night and told him that at least I will try to speak calmly and not so "scarily". Couldn't speak for mommy, though. Today while my wife was going on this spree, I tried my best to keep him involved and kept talking to him and played with him. Much to her benefit.
I just got off from talking to my sister and (she's been one of the angriest about this whole thing among every one I know) she just flat out said: "Just divorce her already. She's playing dirty and isn't likely to stop. What are you waiting for?"
In short, I basically said that divorcing is against my principles; it's not about unrealistic dreamworld hope, but about why I don't and shouldn't fight in court with a "sister" in Christ. I will contest with an ex parte solely to protect myself and hopefully our son, but I won't go down the divorce path -- my wife is using that as her offensive, not me.
Sorry in advance for my ramblings. It's all over the place today.