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I believe you can only D in the state where you M.


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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alamo76 Offline OP
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UPDATE
For the past two days since Sunday, my wife has been more huffy-puffy than usual. To wit:

- She let out a big sigh (and muttered something under her own breath) when I took a few extra seconds to say goodbye/talk to our son when she came to pick him up.

- The past two days our son had some minor #1 accidents at daycare which required a change of pants/socks. Each time my wife noticed this. Yesterday was interesting:

W: Where are his pants?
M: [I pointed to the dryer that was running] If you'd like to wait, his pants are almost ready.
W: It's okay...[walks back to her car] It's just that you didn't give me his pants from yesterday.

She thinks I'm hoarding his clothes now? I'm also quite sure that there is a more constructive way to ask for clothes if she is short of them.


M37, S5
M-7y; T-8y
Separated 060410
Wife/son moved 022611
Wife serves d-papers 032011
I filed child custody 042012; obtained custody 070312
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alamo76 Offline OP
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Just a thought: Perhaps my wife's recent behavior (see previous post) is due to something we read/see a lot in here - that is, that the WAS:

(a) uses negativity (or tests) when they sense positive changes in us (i.e. GALs/LRTs/180s) or,

(b) simple wants to deny their guilt by dumping it on the person they despise (i.e. us).


M37, S5
M-7y; T-8y
Separated 060410
Wife/son moved 022611
Wife serves d-papers 032011
I filed child custody 042012; obtained custody 070312
Bifurcated 103112
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 903
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alamo76 Offline OP
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UPDATE
Okay, my wife has been subtly huffy-puffy all week. What gives?


M37, S5
M-7y; T-8y
Separated 060410
Wife/son moved 022611
Wife serves d-papers 032011
I filed child custody 042012; obtained custody 070312
Bifurcated 103112
Joined: Mar 2011
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Was it two huffs and one puff... or more like one huff one puff repeated? lol

No ideas here, man. Maybe she's trying to get your attention? Seeing if maybe you are gonna engage her in convo?

I'd say, let it go. If she has something to say, she'll say it... eventually...

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Originally Posted By: Kaffe Diem

I'd say, let it go. If she has something to say, she'll say it... eventually...


I agree.

I'll add...She will test for good and bad. She'll test just to test. If a Woman wants a reaction, she will find a way. If she's testing you, so be it. You can't fail if you are happy with where you are at.(Get me on this?) A Man is cool with all outcomes. If you are not...then find a way to be okay with whatever happens.

Her choice, your actions; Don't focus on her...focus on you. Let her worry about wondering if your Huffy and Puffy for a change. smile Not the other way. I'm rubber your glue, whatever..... get it?

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alamo76 Offline OP
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I agree with both of y'all, Kaffe/FaithAK. I do think something is truly bothering her, but the only method of expressing it - towards me, at least - is through negativity.

Speaking of which, allow me to describe to you how today's interaction went. On Saturday, I usually fetch our son from her place at 4pm, give or take. She would also usually text me to let me know, e.g. "You can come at 4". I've always thought we've done this because it's part of our communication process, as well as the times when our son naps a little over 4 and thus needs a little more time to wake up/snack/etc.

This is what transpired today - At 3:57pm I still had not received a text from my wife (usually she'd let me know by 3:45 at the latest), so I sent her the following text message:

M: Is E still napping?
W: No....
M: I wanted to (be) sure. Don't want to come if he was sleeping or something.
W: 4. Like the past 80 weeks.

I didn't respond because I was already on the way (don't drive and text, folks). But my response would've been like this:

M: Yes, and just like the past 80 weeks, you and I communicated about it.

This huffy-puffyness is taking a downturn, and I can't understand why. I'm not flustered by it, but I am bothered that our son is exposed to such negativity.


M37, S5
M-7y; T-8y
Separated 060410
Wife/son moved 022611
Wife serves d-papers 032011
I filed child custody 042012; obtained custody 070312
Bifurcated 103112
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 903
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alamo76 Offline OP
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UPDATE 4pm
My wife just informed me that she'll find out which hospital/state she'll be matched to tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to the steps I may need to take next. Do I decide to move or do I file for a motion to keep our son in the state. Seeing that my wife isn't providing any signs or indications that give me good reason to move there, I'm inclined to do the latter. Serenity now!

I sincerely need your prayers... thanks!


M37, S5
M-7y; T-8y
Separated 060410
Wife/son moved 022611
Wife serves d-papers 032011
I filed child custody 042012; obtained custody 070312
Bifurcated 103112
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I'd be so inclined too, Alamo.

Custody or shared custody of your son must be the priority now.

That means stability and less upheaval for him.

But keep on with your changes b/c when your w faces the concrete consequences and unintended results of her choices

she MAY look your way to check herself and ask if this is worth it.

make sure you are your best self when she looks your way. You have changed and things COULD be better and different, couldnt't they?

Regardless if you believe SHE has worked on herself (and God knows she thinks she has b/c she's in medical training

and doctors think their work AT WORK means they work hard in ALL areas of their life...and that's why some people find them to be the "working spoiled" b/c it's just not so...for every night of call they pull, their spouse is alone and parenting solely...so aren't they both working and sacrificing? Not to mention the child with one parent instead of 2..)

You want her to have 2nd thoughts.
It will help you with son and it may help your r with her...can't hurt.

no offense to the MDs out there.

(( ))


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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Originally Posted By: alamo76
I agree with both of y'all, Kaffe/FaithAK. I do think something is truly bothering her, but the only method of expressing it - towards me, at least - is through negativity.

Speaking of which, allow me to describe to you how today's interaction went. On Saturday, I usually fetch our son from her place at 4pm, give or take. She would also usually text me to let me know, e.g. "You can come at 4". I've always thought we've done this because it's part of our communication process, as well as the times when our son naps a little over 4 and thus needs a little more time to wake up/snack/etc.

This is what transpired today - At 3:57pm I still had not received a text from my wife (usually she'd let me know by 3:45 at the latest), so I sent her the following text message:

M: Is E still napping?
W: No....
M: I wanted to (be) sure. Don't want to come if he was sleeping or something.
W: 4. Like the past 80 weeks.

I didn't respond because I was already on the way (don't drive and text, folks). But my response would've been like this:

M: Yes, and just like the past 80 weeks, you and I communicated about it.

This huffy-puffyness is taking a downturn, and I can't understand why. I'm not flustered by it, but I am bothered that our son is exposed to such negativity.


I'd suggest calling her on this crap. If in person an eye roll MIGHT do it, but to be clear, brief and to the point...

Even a simple "AND the last 80 weeks there was communication from you first, so no need for the condescension. It's destructive." And leave the area as if the topic is closed (unless she wants to apologize. Then try not to die of shock).

Sending hugs your way

((( )))


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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