Oh mindfull, you know better than that Not gonna happen!!
25 I wish that I could say they were 180's for him, but sadly it is what he does after he has done something wrong. It is what typically worked for me, to let things go and forgive him for whatever it was.
It is making it difficult for me to keep my focus, obviously he knows my buttons.
This morning he offered to bring me coffee in bed, and I politely declined. He made me breakfast and I thanked him.
He is working on the landscaping today after not touching anything around the house for a year. He fixed two doors last night too. For the past year I have had to hire handymen to do minor things (painting, yard clean up).
He hugged me this morning and then apologized and said "i will give you the space you need"
He also said "you are ignoring my calls, texts and emails and I don't know how to speak to you when I see you after you have ignored me all day" I responded that I am just trying to heal and I need the space to heal. He said "i understand"
As he was leaving to run errands this morning he invited me to go with him tonight. He is meeting some of our friends at a pub for dinner and said "you are welcome to join me" I politely declined. He said "I am around all day in case you change your mind"
I am making plans with a girlfriend and going out tonight. I have a great new dress that I am dying to wear.
He has already texted me while getting his hair cut. How in the world can you go DARK when he won't stop?
I can't help but feel sad that this is the person that I wished for before, but I have to keep reminding myself of the way he has been treating me for a year.
looks like he trying to "make up" for things by being nice to you, now.
Going dark will require you to reach deep down. Going out with friends will help.
Going dark will be a true test for him too. How long will he be willing to win you back?
It's going to take time for you to forgive him. Referring back to Starsky's post on the previous thread, know what it's going to take for YOU to feel secure again.
I like suggesting MC. I also like when the BS says "even though were going to MC, doesn't mean things will work out".
Trust is build one day at a time.
Enjoy the nice weather here.
gr8
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Thanks gr8! I agree, in addition to each of us seeing an IC, we will have to go to MC. I just don't want to give him false hope. It may very well be for co-parenting at this point. It has happened more than once and I just don't know if I can take the chance that it will happen again. I have a lot of thinking to do.
It is great weather here isn't it? I can't get over the temps. I just finished steam cleaning the carpets and now I am taking the dog to the dog park to have some alone time.
I hope you find Alanon helpful, I sure have. And you don't even have to consider if he's an alcoholic, just if his drinking is causing problems for you. Totally takes the pressure off of "labeling." It's not our job to decide if they are alcoholics nor to save them.
Try several different meetings to find one where you fit.
((((A)))
Wow. Interesting perspective considering that the core of AA or AlAnon is: Getting Real Honest:
"Hi, my name is_______ and I'm an alcoholic."...."Hi______"
"Hi, my name is________and I am the wife of an alcoholic." "Hi______"
What is up with the "label" bit? And the resistance to calling something what it really is? How does one deal with anything that they are reluctant to name? What should we label oh, say.....breast cancer? Let's just call it.....something else...?
"Hi, my name is_______and I like to stick my head in the sand because labels are just too specific and may help me address my problem a lot sooner, instead of drawing out the process with as much pain and drama as possible, because I am too chickensh!t to be honest about the affliction..... " Hi______"
my guess is the reason she was advised not to bother labelling or diagnosing him (though she already said he's an alcoholic/problem drinker)
is b/c she's wondering if the marriage itself is repairable and whether she can forgive another affair AND
how to cope with him being in the house and now behaving the way she always wanted him to in the past.
(It's hardly a case of her being in denial, if that's what you fear.)
Spending her energy on whether he's an alcoholic or not isn't her main focus right now.
b/c Healing herself, & seeing an attorney for legal protection, are higher on her list, and wondering IF and HOW she can forgive...
Or so I assume.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Well Holly Ann in the Alanon I go to it's all about those of us in the room, family and friends of problem drinkers and sometimes they are alcoholics.
In my time in Alanon I've never heard anyone say "Hi, my name is________and I am the wife of an alcoholic." EVER. But your experience may be different.
I was going to respond with a lengthier post but decided that staging a throw-down here is not helpful for Autumn's situation.
People who are affected by problem drinking can find help in Alanon.
You want to quibble with me you can take it to my thread so as not to take up space here. But know that I'm dropping the rope.
Thanks for sharing.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
No, I don't think that Autumn is the one who's in denial. She's handling things pretty well. However, she was advised to check out AlAnon; no point in doing that unless you believe your h is an alkie. And Autumn does. Why not call something what it really is? Why play silly label games? It just adds a layer of B.S. or sanitizes an issue. We're all adults here, right? We can handle "the truth," right? And the truth is: alcohol is part of her marital problem. Making stupid decisions while under the influence is how affairs can start as well.
Not gonna happen!!